Archive for November 2008

Hijra Kaviri

Hijra Kaviri, originally uploaded by Joerg Wendt-Gaudreault.

Posted by on November 20th, 2008 at 10:00 am

faces | Comment »

Like the ocean

Sugar wrote…

I never thought about gender, or identity until I came out of the closet. Now, it seems like I can’t stop thinking about it. Or rather, I don’t seem to understand why I have to be defined.

For me, things like gender, sexuality and identity are like the ocean. Beautiful, deep, mysterious, but more then anything else….fluid and free flowing.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on November 20th, 2008 at 08:00 am

your voice | Comment »


Someone wrote…

Funny thing… I was at work and my co-workers asked me what I got for my birthday. I told them of the great gifts I received, then rolled my eyes and said, “My mom got me a coach purse.” My co-workers looked at me and said, “Well where is it?” I responded with, “At home, in the closet… where it belongs. Being a genderqueer dyke, I don’t carry a purse. I think I might bring it in to work and let all you ladies fight over it!” My wallet is nicely nestled in my back pocket!

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on November 19th, 2008 at 08:00 am

your voice | 3 comments »


11/11/2008 day 39, originally uploaded by intellectual crime.

Posted by on November 18th, 2008 at 10:00 am

faces | Comment »


Someone wrote…

In the United States, we should not have gender specific bathrooms.

We shouldn’t assume just because someone looks like a specific gender that that’s what they actually identify as.

I enjoy wearing my packer, even though people still see me as a woman… I know differently!

What are your thoughts on this?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on November 18th, 2008 at 08:00 am

your voice | 1 comment »


, originally uploaded by Twiist.

Posted by on November 17th, 2008 at 10:00 am

faces | 1 comment »

That dividing point…

Someone wrote…

I wish for that moment in conversation not to come; that dividing point when the person I’m having a conversation with doubts the pronoun they just used for me. I wish they wouldn’t have to be uncomfortable just because I am ok with not being either. I wish that they could see gender as one giant holding tank instead of two separate boxes.

Have you dealt with this?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on November 17th, 2008 at 08:00 am

your voice | Comment »


just listen, relax. (028 of 365), originally uploaded by em hunt.

Posted by on November 16th, 2008 at 10:00 am

faces | Comment »

Dress-up games

Remember the person who asked for advice on how to dress for that professional event? Well, the same person just sent this follow-up story. It breaks my heart.

Setting: The big, high profile conference is over. I’m at the afterparty, feeling very tired, but with an urge to crash and burn. I’m with some real friends, my colleagues from the previous job who are not part of the “rich and famous” culture of the place we’re in. I’m getting good feedback on the work I’ve done during the two days of conference.

The night in flashes of memory.

Several people ask me how old I am. With a sinking feeling, I understand that they are impressed by my job not only because I was good at it, but because they are amazed that someone so young can have the role I had at the conference. When I tell them I’m 27, they look confused.

I’m in jeans and a t-shirt, not really dressed for the event. Can’t figure out if people are staring a bit because they’ve seen me during the day, because I’m dressed wrong or because they can’t tell my gender.

I’m in the bathroom, and stay a couple of minutes in front of the mirror outside the stalls, trying to shape up my hair. Had a haircut the day before, that has created an instant rise in references to me as “he” or “him”. A group of girls are standing next to me, I’m not looking at them. They are whispering about something, and finally one of them softly pokes me in the shoulder and then quickly withdraws her hand as if I would bite, saying in a somewhat careful and half joking but not mean voice that I’m in the wrong bathroom. I give her my usual “No I’m not” but this time it doesn’t help – she looks at me like I’m an idiot, and I have to say it again, giving her some clues with my body language as well before she believes me and throws the “oh my god I’m so embarrassed” reaction I’m getting used to by now.

Several people refer to me as “him” during the evening.

I’m on the dance floor, talking and dancing a bit with my “boss”, the guy who’s the star on stage at the conference and the person who invites all the speakers and get them to come speak at the event with the promise of great parties, excessive style. A girl he’s hanging out with approaches me, wants to talk. Music is loud, she’s close and talking directly into my ear. After a while I get what she wants – she can’t tell if I’m a boy or a girl. I tell her she’s not the first, and that people have tried to kick me out of the women’s bathroom earlier this evening. She doesn’t hear what I’m saying, or the consequence of that story for my gender doesn’t register, and she asks me again. I tell her I’m a girl.

Continue reading »

Posted by on November 16th, 2008 at 08:00 am

your voice | 7 comments »

Signs from the Marriage Equality rally…

Today there was a massive national protest against the recently-passed Proposition 8 which banned same-sex marriage in California. The scene in front of San Francisco’s City Hall looked a lot like the Pride Parade with all its rainbows and signs, except that everybody was looking in the same direction.

I frantically scribbled down as many of the brilliant sign slogans as I could. Here’s what I saw:

Now that I can’t get married, are you better off?

Repeat Hate, Reveal Love

No Taxation Without Representation

Gay, Straight, Black & White
Marriage is a Civil Right

Whose Civil Rights are Next?

We love ALL our children

No more Mr. Nice Gay

Hug a Homo

Kiss a Queer

Your MOM Loves Gays

Queer Eye for the Prop 8 Guy:
Church / State
Honey, STOP!! Never never mix!!!!

What if we voted on YOUR marriage?

Continue reading »

Posted by on November 15th, 2008 at 06:07 pm

faces | 25 comments »


posing as a yokel, originally uploaded by Trevira.

Artist writes:

“A lovely androgynous portrait of a girl dressed as a country boy (she’s kept her black woollen stockings on, mind you).

“This is a large 10x8ish print on matt paper, probably made by a keen amateur photographer with darkroom facilities, and it was found in Brighton. ”

Posted by on November 15th, 2008 at 10:28 am

faces | Comment »

Assumptions about assumptions

PJ wrote…

I notice that fellow genderqueer or transfolk I’ve encountered don’t seem to mind being asked, “Do you have a pronoun preference?” and even thank me for asking. In cisgender folks the question seems to inspire a range of emotions from bewilderment to haughtiness to rage. I find it curious that most people would likely say that it’s better not to assume anything about a person, but about gender thing some people not only welcome the assumption about themself, but they react accordingly when it’s *not* there.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on November 15th, 2008 at 08:00 am

your voice | 4 comments »

Genderfork on Twitter

Genderfork on TwitterCheck it out! I just created a Twitter account for Genderfork. There are just so many amazing messages coming in from the Share form, I wanted to give them a broader outlet. So I’ll be posting a few quotes a day over there. If you’re already on twitter, please give it a follow.

And if you’re not on Twitter yet, and you’re reading this site to feel more connected with a supportive community, you might want to consider joining. It’s a great space for extended conversation, and you might even find some new pals among the folks who follow Genderfork.



Posted by on November 14th, 2008 at 04:09 pm

fun, requests, resources | Comment »


, originally uploaded by maldororr.

Posted by on November 14th, 2008 at 10:00 am

faces | Comment »

Acceptance over Honesty

Someone wrote…

I wish I could change my physical appearance at will. I don’t change it often, but I’ve always fantasised about being a shapeshifter. No one would decide I was one thing based on my appearance. They’d all have to get to know me, to let me explain. I wish people wouldn’t assume that I identify as a straight woman just because they see me as one. Almost everyone does, which will make it hard if I ever explain that’s not how I feel.

If I ever explain. I may just keep hiding behind characters. I may never get to explore it. I don’t think most people I know could understand.

My sister once said she’d disown me if I ‘became’ a lesbian, and that really hurt me, even though she took it back later. I love her and love her acceptance of me more than I love the idea of getting to push the boundaries of my identity.

I hope when she gets older and goes out in the world, out of her little heteronormist bubble, her attitudes change.

Then I can be freer.

How would you respond?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on November 14th, 2008 at 08:00 am

your voice | 3 comments »

Gender Meals

Someone wrote…

I went into a McDonald’s recently for the first time in years, and their Happy Meals had a choice- a “boy toy” (car) or a “girl toy” (Barbie). As the adult version of that girl who liked to play with toy cars, this saddened me.

What’s your take on this?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on November 13th, 2008 at 10:56 am

your voice | 5 comments »


n e u t r a l, originally uploaded by Christina_DeO.


Posted by on November 13th, 2008 at 08:00 am

faces | Comment »

Layering Genders

Yesterday, someone wrote…

I feel like a cross-dressing male in a female body. This… confuses me.

Today, someone responded…

I feel the same way sometimes! I was born female, and sometimes, when I’m dressed femme/ feminine, I feel like a male dressed as a female. I’m pretty comfortable with it when I’m around queers, especially genderqueers. But I feel very awkward about it when I’m around non-queers, especially when I’m using the ladies’ room in a public place. I feel like the straight ladies in there are going to look at me and wonder why a man in a dress is in their bathroom!

What would you say to them?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on November 12th, 2008 at 12:25 pm

faces | 4 comments »


, originally uploaded by cobaya!!.

“by mario sorrenti”

Posted by on November 12th, 2008 at 08:00 am

faces | Comment »

More of your thoughts…

Someone wrote…

I have a female alter ego, who exists only in Yahoo messenger. She has a job, a love life, a history, hopes. I have friends online who believe she is real, who want to meet her, who wait up to talk to her. She has graphic cybersex with older men, younger men, girls, women…

I spend hours at a time online as her and I love her. But I never feel like I am her, or like she’s really a part of me. I do enjoy being a women when I’m online as her, though.

Andy wrote…

I want to tell the people I love that I’m genderqueer. I’m not sure I have all the words I need to tell them. I wish my spouse could understand it all better. I wonder what is the best approach with my very young child. Should they always know, or do I want until they’re older?

I wish I could find clothes that fit my body and my perception of myself or that I had the skills, time and money to make them.

I hope people will understand when I start taking more than baby-steps to feel comfortable.

Someone else wrote…

It seems funny that my gender expression has always gone both ways in that I’ve always desired androgyny as a base point from which to enact a daily performance of self-actualization — but now that, in appearance at least, I am more cisgendered from day-to-day, I seem to have lost my ability to be sexual with people. When I was an obvious dyke, I had my moments/periods of being stone, but those have greatly increased and begun to dominate my life as I’ve become more femme in appearance.

I hate that I have such a womanly body–it feels like a caricature to me. Fighting it to be more masculine physically hurts. For the most part though, I’ve made peace with everything–except for my chest. Now, with a date for surgery on the horizon, gender and sexuality have confounded to the point where I don’t know how to relate to people in terms of dating or sex. I seem to be a confusing mess, but I just want to be a boy when I want to be a boy, and a girl when that calls to me. I want the *choice*, without biology’s restrictions on what I can create, both within & without.

And someone else wrote…

I feel like a cross-dressing male in a female body. This… confuses me.

What would you tell them?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on November 11th, 2008 at 09:00 am

your voice | 3 comments »

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