Be *with* her or *be* her…?

Someone wrote…

I usually think of myself as pretty comfortably male-identified. But sometimes I think about gender and it kind of catches me off guard. I more often than not identify more closely with female-fronted bands and artists, female characters in books. I write stories, or at least generate them in my head, and almost all my characters are variously queer females who make a point of playing with femininity. And when I see someone who a trans-man friend of mine would call “high femme” – curvy, skirted, long hair, small frame, etc.- it’s not clear in my head if I’d rather be with her or be her

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on December 17th, 2008 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 6 comments »

6 Responses to “Be *with* her or *be* her…?”

  1. Fraglich

    I can kind of relate. Except for me, I had similar feelings, and I thought I wanted to be her. Now I’m thinking I want to be with her. So it’s reversed, I guess. Thanks for putting in writing what I’ve felt. It’s nice to hear someone else say what I’ve been thinking. Which seems to be a major point of this blog, especially after the redesign.


  2. Deb

    I felt that way about Leonardo DiCaprio in his younger years. I know that it is a dumb movie, but I had such a crush on him in Titanic. As a queer boyish woman who exclusively dates women, it was very confusing. Then I realized I didn’t actually have a crush on him, I wanted to BE him. Seducing Kate Winslet, being able to wear a tux, look that good, and not have to worry when I walked into the women’s bathroom . . .


  3. Glue

    I relate as well… most of the time I see beautiful women walking past me on the streets, I find myself wondering how it’s like to be in their bodies, be so damn good looking and clean and good smelling. I wish I could have all that, but if I try to I’ll be treated as a queer and insulted and even killed.

    Nice to live in South America.


  4. wing

    I struggled with this quite a bit years ago. My solution: listening to The Cure’s Why Can’t I Be You while moping in a corner. Now, I’m still struggling with it and am no closer to an answer.


  5. stii

    yeah, I can definitely relate to some of that.


  6. elle jo

    I spent many years in my youth trying to figure out that very difference. It’s … a conundrum. One that I still deal with to this very day.


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