Be *with* her or *be* her…?
Someone wrote…
I usually think of myself as pretty comfortably male-identified. But sometimes I think about gender and it kind of catches me off guard. I more often than not identify more closely with female-fronted bands and artists, female characters in books. I write stories, or at least generate them in my head, and almost all my characters are variously queer females who make a point of playing with femininity. And when I see someone who a trans-man friend of mine would call “high femme” – curvy, skirted, long hair, small frame, etc.- it’s not clear in my head if I’d rather be with her or be her…
What’s your experience?
Posted by Sarah Dopp on December 17th, 2008 at 08:00 am
Category: your voice 6 comments »
December 17th, 2008 at 8:00 pm |
I can kind of relate. Except for me, I had similar feelings, and I thought I wanted to be her. Now I’m thinking I want to be with her. So it’s reversed, I guess. Thanks for putting in writing what I’ve felt. It’s nice to hear someone else say what I’ve been thinking. Which seems to be a major point of this blog, especially after the redesign.
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December 18th, 2008 at 7:22 am |
I felt that way about Leonardo DiCaprio in his younger years. I know that it is a dumb movie, but I had such a crush on him in Titanic. As a queer boyish woman who exclusively dates women, it was very confusing. Then I realized I didn’t actually have a crush on him, I wanted to BE him. Seducing Kate Winslet, being able to wear a tux, look that good, and not have to worry when I walked into the women’s bathroom . . .
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December 20th, 2008 at 12:11 pm |
I relate as well… most of the time I see beautiful women walking past me on the streets, I find myself wondering how it’s like to be in their bodies, be so damn good looking and clean and good smelling. I wish I could have all that, but if I try to I’ll be treated as a queer and insulted and even killed.
Nice to live in South America.
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December 21st, 2008 at 4:59 pm |
I struggled with this quite a bit years ago. My solution: listening to The Cure’s Why Can’t I Be You while moping in a corner. Now, I’m still struggling with it and am no closer to an answer.
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December 22nd, 2008 at 11:20 am |
yeah, I can definitely relate to some of that.
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December 22nd, 2008 at 3:13 pm |
I spent many years in my youth trying to figure out that very difference. It’s … a conundrum. One that I still deal with to this very day.
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