Can’t sleep…

Insomnia, by feralboi

Cant sleep
sitting up
at tears
(shed for fears)

My fingers bleed.

I don’t know who i am
I don’t know what to say.
Each day
I am different
and have to meet myself
for what feels like
the first time in a long time.

I battle with the boy
inside me
The boy within
who can’t seem to see
a way
to emerge/become
submerge/just be.

I am he
as much as i am me.

I cant sleep for the fear,
my heart murmers
and strings pull deep
and sinew
inside of me.

I ache
as i rest
body quiver,
I am displaced

lost and weary.

To sleep
in peace,
to be
and be free.

He cries silent
heart and mind and body and soul
He makes me whole
He is beside me.

Cloaked and daggered
he weeps tears
for all the years
he has spent
in the dark
and without
an identity
to identify.

He is me
and together we sit
and silently.

In the darkness we cry.

– Jacqe Matelot

What are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on November 22nd, 2008 at 08:00 am

Category: poetry, your voice 6 comments »

6 Responses to “Can’t sleep…”

  1. Jacqe Booth

    This isn’t anonymous…


  2. sarah

    Hi Jacqe,

    This poem came through without any name, email, or URL attached to it. If you know more about where it comes from, can you email me?


    sarah at sarahdopp dot com


  3. Jacqe Booth

    Hi Sarah, i wrote this, although i don’t know how it came to be submitted here. I am most happy to have it on your site. I love your site and check it daily. If you need some sort of proof that i wrote it, i have digital, dated copies on various other sites.
    Cheers, and keep up the good work
    Jacqe Matelot.

    P.s (the piece of writing has an accompanying photo if you’re interested)


  4. Jacqe Booth

    This is the photo that goes with the text.


  5. sarah

    Hi Jacqe,

    I believe you and it’s fixed.

    It alarms me that someone may have posted your work in the genderfork form without you knowing. But I’m glad we’re able to reconcile it.

    By the way, I recieved the submission on November 10th at 8:00 AM Pacific Time, U.S. — for your records.

    Thanks for reading the site



  6. Rosie

    I deeply identify with this. I am going through a difficult bout of insomnia currently. I feel I am too unresolved to let myself rest. And it’s really only when everyone’s asleep that I have the opportunity to throw on my mother’s makeup, not really knowing what I’m trying to achieve. I feel so desperate because I feel like I’ve been given a destination without a map.


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