More of your thoughts…

Someone wrote…

I have a female alter ego, who exists only in Yahoo messenger. She has a job, a love life, a history, hopes. I have friends online who believe she is real, who want to meet her, who wait up to talk to her. She has graphic cybersex with older men, younger men, girls, women…

I spend hours at a time online as her and I love her. But I never feel like I am her, or like she’s really a part of me. I do enjoy being a women when I’m online as her, though.

Andy wrote…

I want to tell the people I love that I’m genderqueer. I’m not sure I have all the words I need to tell them. I wish my spouse could understand it all better. I wonder what is the best approach with my very young child. Should they always know, or do I want until they’re older?

I wish I could find clothes that fit my body and my perception of myself or that I had the skills, time and money to make them.

I hope people will understand when I start taking more than baby-steps to feel comfortable.

Someone else wrote…

It seems funny that my gender expression has always gone both ways in that I’ve always desired androgyny as a base point from which to enact a daily performance of self-actualization — but now that, in appearance at least, I am more cisgendered from day-to-day, I seem to have lost my ability to be sexual with people. When I was an obvious dyke, I had my moments/periods of being stone, but those have greatly increased and begun to dominate my life as I’ve become more femme in appearance.

I hate that I have such a womanly body–it feels like a caricature to me. Fighting it to be more masculine physically hurts. For the most part though, I’ve made peace with everything–except for my chest. Now, with a date for surgery on the horizon, gender and sexuality have confounded to the point where I don’t know how to relate to people in terms of dating or sex. I seem to be a confusing mess, but I just want to be a boy when I want to be a boy, and a girl when that calls to me. I want the *choice*, without biology’s restrictions on what I can create, both within & without.

And someone else wrote…

I feel like a cross-dressing male in a female body. This… confuses me.

What would you tell them?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on November 11th, 2008 at 09:00 am

Category: your voice 3 comments »

3 Responses to “More of your thoughts…”

  1. Andy

    I don’t have any advice for the 2nd Someone, but I can relate to feeling like I’ve lost the ability to be sexual and that it’s somehow related to not looking how I think I should look.

    [Reply]

  2. genderkid

    “I feel like a cross-dressing male in a female body. This… confuses me.”

    I totally get this. I identify as female-to-male trans, but sometimes I like my feminine shape. It makes me question my desire to transition, but I guess I can sometimes dress like a woman in the future, when I look more like a man.

    (That doesn’t mean I’m not completely confused at times!)

    [Reply]

  3. Helpi

    “…I just want to be a boy when I want to be a boy, and a girl when that calls to me. I want the *choice*, without biology’s restrictions on what I can create, both within & without.”

    This speaks volumes to me. Same boat.

    [Reply]


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