more than aesthetical

Someone wrote…

I could care less about the rest of society, but the comments which are directed toward me about my appearance, those comments which chip away at me relentlessly and wear me down one bit at a time (much like how the constant drip of water onto a stone eventually disfigures it), those comments which constantly make me feel like I’m wrong and disappointing, come at me from my own parents.

I tried explaining to my father a few years ago. Responding to his comment on how I would look lovely in a dress, I told him that I would be as uncomfortable in a dress as he would be. His retort was, “But, I’m a man!” I did not know what to say to that. Yes, we biologically belong to different sexes, but why should that be any sort of deciding factor on my gender?

I never thought the way I looked would have held any disappointment. On the contrary, I was surprised when my father even encouraged me to buy miniskirts and tube tops, when other fathers lament over how their daughters expose their bodies! I guess looking like a male is more disgusting, more unpalatable to him than needlessly exposing myself.

What surprises me most is that I am still getting these comments after years and years of them. I do not care about the ones I get from strangers, because their perception of me is purely physical and I can hardly argue that I maintain an image of femininity, but I am sort of let-down that even after all these years, the two people who should know me best in the world and love me unconditionally, are just as put off by my appearance as strangers.

But I am glad that I found Genderfork, and all of you beautiful people who don’t view me as wrong and disappointing. I am glad that I found people who understand that it’s more than aesthetical, this genderforkery. It’s…life.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on December 22nd, 2008 at 03:27 pm

Category: your voice 3 comments »

3 Responses to “more than aesthetical”

  1. Martyn

    ‘we biologically belong to different sexes, but why should that be any sort of deciding factor on my gender?’

    That rhetorical question really stood out. It doubtless seems so strikingly obvious to most people who regularly visit this site, but is totally alien to the majority. Minor anatomical and biological differences (and they really are tiny) are the foundations on which so much purely contingent expectation is placed. I’ve told people that what’s between my legs is about as relevant to my personality and sense of self as my hair colour or which hand I write with, and watched their faces slowly glaze over in confused incomprehension.


  2. Peeved Michelle

    These stories make me so sad. It is partly due to the fact that I am pregnant and everything makes me want to cry, but it is also because I can’t imagine treating my own child that way. Before we had our first child, my husband and I discussed how we would handle every situation we could think of, including a transgendered child. Making our child feel loved and accepted will always be our number one priority.

    Since having our first child, we’ve even changed our minds about who would get our children in the event of our deaths. It is no longer my sister. I once thought her religious views were harmless, but a recent discussion about her reasons for supporting CA Prop 8 was both eye-opening and saddening. There is no way I could leave my children to someone so full of intolerance and misinformation.


  3. Kerry

    @ peevedmichelle: your comment made me teary, and I’m not even pregnant. But i am, in fact, the mother of an 18 year old transboy who, from the age of 3, was constantly repeating “but, i’m a boy”. I listened, and loved, and accepted. But so many do not.

    Hearing about parents like you help me regain some faith in this world… thank you.


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