I could care less about the rest of society, but the comments which are directed toward me about my appearance, those comments which chip away at me relentlessly and wear me down one bit at a time (much like how the constant drip of water onto a stone eventually disfigures it), those comments which constantly make me feel like I’m wrong and disappointing, come at me from my own parents.
I tried explaining to my father a few years ago. Responding to his comment on how I would look lovely in a dress, I told him that I would be as uncomfortable in a dress as he would be. His retort was, “But, I’m a man!” I did not know what to say to that. Yes, we biologically belong to different sexes, but why should that be any sort of deciding factor on my gender?
I never thought the way I looked would have held any disappointment. On the contrary, I was surprised when my father even encouraged me to buy miniskirts and tube tops, when other fathers lament over how their daughters expose their bodies! I guess looking like a male is more disgusting, more unpalatable to him than needlessly exposing myself.
What surprises me most is that I am still getting these comments after years and years of them. I do not care about the ones I get from strangers, because their perception of me is purely physical and I can hardly argue that I maintain an image of femininity, but I am sort of let-down that even after all these years, the two people who should know me best in the world and love me unconditionally, are just as put off by my appearance as strangers.
But I am glad that I found Genderfork, and all of you beautiful people who don’t view me as wrong and disappointing. I am glad that I found people who understand that it’s more than aesthetical, this genderforkery. It’s…life.
What’s your experience?