young smiling business woman, originally uploaded by alexey05.

Someone wrote…

A few months ago, I realized that I’m not a lesbian – I’m attracted to ANYONE in a skirt. :)

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

22, originally uploaded by ceruleansnake.

A reader recommends…

I’m not sure whether you will love it. I’m curious to see what you all think of it.
I mostly think Free To Be…You and Me is awesome. It sends some good messages and the ideas it expresses were pretty liberated for its time. I was listening to “Boy Meets Girl” (two newborn babies discussing sex…or is it gender?) again recently and thought about its ending and the conclusion that the babies draw. The ideas were almost radical to me as a kid in the environment I was in. But now I’m an adult who knows that not everyone feels that the type of genitalia we have defines whether we’re boys or girls, and I’m not so sure about the end message. Can anyone expect people to have been thinking like that back in the 70s? I don’t know.
[Album text is here for anyone who can’t watch/listen.]

» Recommend something. «

, originally uploaded by estee hamid.

Someone wrote…

Today my dad and I got into an argument about me wanting to borrow some of his shirts (they are big enough to fit me and I like men’s fashion). He wasn’t against it because I was his daughter and that it didn’t look right. He just didn’t want me stealing his clothes.

My dad isn’t as conservative as I thought he is.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

You can call me… Hurricane Amelia

I identify as… a human animal

As far as third-person pronouns go, … anything, fuck it!

I’m attracted to… Kindness, love, people who care about those around them

When people talk about me, I want them to… realize that I’m not a girl. I’m not a boy. Fashion is fashion. Who said it? “Drag is what happens to me when I get dressed in the morning…” (I think the author of ‘My Gender Workbook.’) Sure I have a vagina, but this doesn’t determine anything (nor would having a penis). I don’t know what acting like a boy means. I don’t know what acting like a girl means. I think gender is a marketing tool or a societal construct put in place to control us… through social or religious fear or something like that. We’re all just some half the equation for the creation of new life whether we breed or not… and I probably won’t. If you are just a vagina, then all you will ever be is just a vagina. iI you are just a penis, all you will ever be is just a penis.

I want people to understand… Neither gender nor sex should define you. I recognize biology therfore I recognize my sex, but I DON’T let my sex define my gender; I have no gender. I’m just Amelia… or sometimes Amelioooo! I wear what I like and I do what I like.

About Hurricane Amelia
I’m a natural disaster, naturally.

» Define yourself. «

You can call me… Adelai (Ad-eh-lay), possibly Alicia if I trust you to understand that that name does accurately portray the complexities of my gender.

I identify as… A writer who also happens to be a genderqueer trannyboi faggette. Also as the person in green in that picture (the other one’s my partner).

As far as third-person pronouns go, … I grudgingly accept she because I don’t want to have ten minute conversations with cashiers, but I prefer sie and hir.

I’m attracted to… Boys in skirts, girls in combat boots and anything in between; people who do gender (whatever theirs is) with a feminine twist; self-made men and women; my girlfriend.

When people talk about me, I want them to… Briefly mention my gender(s) if they have to, then go on to more important things.

I want people to understand… That just because I want to have my breasts removed doesn’t make me a man.
Just because I want to keep my vagina doesn’t make me a woman.
That just because I don’t want to have traditional sex with men doesn’t make me a lesbian.
That writing is a real job.

About Adelai
Adelai is a college student, working towards a degree in English. Sie wants to be a novelist if sie ever grows up. Sie’s currently stuck in the American Midwest, but plans to move to upstate New York with hir partner after sie completes school.

» Define yourself. «

androgyny 2, originally uploaded by †††gabRieLLE†††.

Someone wrote…

I’m male and I wear my hair long. I got mistaken for a girl on the street a couple days ago. It had been a long time since that happened last. I had forgotten how fun it is!!

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

You can call me… Hawk

I identify as… Androgynous, self-confident, aloof, sensual, silly, a party-disdaining political activist, revolutionary, social commentator, artist, naturalist, writer, empath, and geek.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … Keep ’em female please. I’m not lesbian or trans (though I’m intrigued by anyone and everyone), I just can’t be bothered with the traditional definitions of gender roles. Give me a sundress on Monday and combat boots on Wednesday. Don’t put me in a box. I don’t fit.

I’m attracted to… Sparkling intelligence, artists, writers, poets, smokers, nonconformity, passion, tasteful tattoos, callused hands, ironic good-natured vulgarity, the nape of the neck and the smell of clean sweat.

When people talk about me, I want them to… Try to understand me without trying to define me or control me, and I will extend them the same courtesy.

I want people to understand… That empathy and nonjudgemental understanding are the heart of compassion; compassion is the only thing that can save the world.

About Hawk
Just a little [read: short] Spanglish-speaking Irish-American novelist in small-town America. I camp, make stirfries, and hang out watching Dexter with my similarly ambiguous roommate.

» Define yourself. «

Teenage Hope, originally uploaded by Jaci Berkopec.

Chavery recommends…

I went to a very small alternative elementary school, and one day, one of the parents brought this in to an assembly to educate us all about homosexuality and transgender issues. I have not watched it since then, but I remember it being very beautiful and sad. There was a lot I couldn’t understand then, because I was quite young and couldn’t follow the subtitles very easily, but I think it is a very suitable film to share on this website, and you should all watch it if you have the time. The quality of the link I attached is poor, but do rent it if you can.

» Recommend something. «

You can call me… Ajay. Just Ajay, not April.

I identify as… generally a butch genderqueer. A fagboi. Though, I am normally defined as a butch lesbian and a dyke. This doesn’t make a difference to me, because, either way, I won’t bother explaining myself to ignorant people.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … S/he, hir. I know I was born a female, and I have to accept that people will call it as they see it. I hear “boy” more than enough to accept it.

I’m attracted to… Contrary to popular belief, Ajay is attracted to any type of girl, whether it be a total fem, butch, genderqueer, king, boi or any other girl who catches hir eye. Ajay likes other natural born females.
But it takes much more than simple attraction to get to hir.

But in general:
Ani DiFranco bums, girls open to traveling the world with me, a simplistic outlook, an understanding that I need space at times, whether it be a day, a week, or even a month, but know that I won’t stray in that time, tattoos, girls with their hearts on their sleeves (metaphorically), preferably short-ish hair, girls who would hold my hand and not get angsty because I don’t kiss them back everytime they kiss me, girls who hold back sometimes and are full-force other times, artsy girls, guy-gins, but not girl-gins, intelligent girls, a girl who would sit down with me and watch Xena all night long, and would watch a full-length documentary on the history channel, or a show on mythical figures, and a girl who would LOVE P!nk WITH me.

When people talk about me, I want them to… not start drama, just say what’s on their minds, either way, it’s not going to affect me any.

I want people to understand… I’m the type of person to put friends before lovers, and pets before strangers, and that you’ll only live the life you’re given once so living it to the fullest and trying everything at least once WILL make you complete on the inside even if you aren’t on the outside.

About Ajay
17 years old, and breaking standards, just like everyone else does in their own little ways..
Ajay is lost in this clique of butch lesbians who know they are girls, and are comfortable with it. S/he is in this particular stereotype..to others.
Hir first thought waking up is “will my hips show through my outfit today?”
S/he doesn’t like standards, doesn’t know how to go about admitting she’s a genderqueer/butch person yet a natural born female.. :/
S/he embraces the fact that her mother calls her “her little boy”.. and is completely comfortable with the acknowledgement.
Ajay wants top surgery, but does not want to be classified as a transguy.
S/he is comfortable with hir “business,” just not with hir chest.
S/he dates openly, and doesn’t fear queer bashers, because of hir physical persona, it screams boy.
Hir best friend is a total Lezbro. A great guy and very much straight but open to genderbending clothing. They share clothes, male and female clothing.
Simplicity IS what s/he wants.

» Define yourself. «

Jay Beaver Hat, originally uploaded by Timfphoto.

Someone wrote…

I don’t mind people treating me like a lady, as long as they don’t mind me acting like a gentleman.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

You can call me… Quinn

I identify as… A genderqueer, androgynous, queer, polyamorous, kinky, Pagan (creaky, aging) punk.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … It depends on how I feel that day. I like it when I get called “sir” but I generally don’t mind being called “ma’am,” and I don’t care whether my friends call me “she” or “he.” On the other hand, I also like it when people mix pronouns when referring to me. “Ze/hir” and so forth sound awkward to me when used in speech, although of course I use them for people who ask to be referred to by same.

I’m attracted to… Bois, queer punk boys, leather faggots, Amazonian dykes, gentleman butches, androgynes and genderqueer individuals of all kinds, dominant alpha types, geeks and nerds, people with ironic, dark, wicked senses of humor.

When people talk about me, I want them to… understand that wearing a skirt from time to time doesn’t make me Little Miss Femme. Part of being genderqueer, for me, is mixing things up when I feel like it.

I want people to understand… that androgyny can be dynamic, exciting and provocative without meaning you’re a “fence sitter,” and if it scares and confuses people, that’s their issue.

About Quinn
Quinn is a writer living in New England, where men are femme, women are bois, boys wear skirts and goats stay in the barn because we aren’t into that sick shit around here.

» Define yourself. «

Fae, originally uploaded by SeaJae.

XylophoneGender recommends…

Stanford’s Lera Boroditsky conducted a study on the effects of a language’s gendering of a noun on a person’s perception of that object. Also seen in Newsweek.

» Recommend something. «

You can call me… androgynous, genderqueer, glambutch, tomboi, anything but “feminine,” only because for so long, people have said it to try to repress my female masculinity.

I identify as… a lesbian, but prefer “gay”—I consider it to be more gender-neutral.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … I wish we had one a little less awkward than some I’ve heard. The Japanese do; how cool is that?

I’m attracted to… beauty; my definition is broad—I love little quirks, like ears that stick out, tooth gaps, freckles, great bones… Intelligence and quick wit floor me.

When people talk about me, I want them to… listen. Truly listen. Not interrupt frequently, not use invalidating body language. You know.

I want people to understand… that children need to be allowed to be who they are, without fear of ridicule and judgment. That the world is not black and white, but Technicolor. That “tolerance” is a pejorative; “acceptance” is preferable.

About Liz
Liz is 30 and dirty and thriving. She’s an artist, writer, and is working her way back to raw foods. She thinks that only the boring get bored.

» Define yourself. «