“But you’re so pretty!”

Jolee wrote…

I expressed to one of my friends my desire to appear a little more androgynous. Her response was to gasp “but you’re so pretty!” Is my beauty so tied up in my femininity that I will no longer be beautiful if I cut my hair and bind my breasts?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on November 4th, 2009 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 13 comments »

13 Responses to ““But you’re so pretty!””

  1. Sara

    I had a similar response when I told a friend. “But you’re so girly”, she gasped. It was a day when I was wearing very unisex clothes (skinny jeans and a hoodie) and no make-up, my hair short and spiky. It hurt more than I thought any well-meant response could.


  2. Tikvah

    I have been seriously considering binding for years despite being pretty feminine. I might just get a binder…


  3. Laura

    One of my friends told me something similar. I think her words were that I am “wasting my feminine figure…”


  4. William

    I had to work had to get myself to stop thinking that i was depriving the world of a beautiful woman by transitioning. But what would the world rather see, an unhappy suicidal woman or a well-adjusted happy man?

    And, besides, I’m a very pretty boy :-)


  5. Adisson

    This was my mother’s response when I told her I wanted to transition. It’s taken me years to pull my own self-esteem away from others esteem of me. In that sentence, she almost glued it all back together.


  6. Andy

    Mmm…I’ve never understood that before. I guess we all assume our friends/family/loved ones are free from value judgements about our looks. I guess sometimes you don’t realize how much of an image someone ELSE has for you until you break that image apart.


  7. Cat

    This, this, THIS.

    I hear the same thing all the time. And you know what?

    Anyone who actually knows me well thinks that I’m more attractive since I cut my hair and started making the gradually move towards androgyny. They think it suits me. They think I’m even more beautiful because I feel more like myself.

    So screw them. Anyone who loves you will love that you are doing what makes you feel good.


  8. Eightfold

    hmmm… I’m fairly feminine myself and I also get this from my friends, who tend to emphasise the feminine aspects of their bodies more than me. In response to Laura and the idea of “wasting” a feminine body: I think a lot of people are still attached to the idea of the female body as.. a commodity. :(


  9. glo ria

    my mother told me that I was wasting my beautiful [female] body on sex with men…. which I agree with, HA!

    she also told me, in response to telling her I wanted to date girls, that I would find a good husband someday. hm.


  10. Syd

    Cat I really liked what you had to say. I think it’s really true and a great thing to keep in mind. I’ve finally found those friends who love me for who I am and it’s a really amazing feeling. I hope other people will feel it too.


  11. Issa

    I told my uncle I wanted to shave my head. He asked me “why would you want to make yourself ugly?” I don’t understand this notion; I have seen so many beautiful bald women! And why is my worth valued on my physical beauty anyway? My sister says I’m banned from her graduation if I’m bald.


  12. Aaron

    Oh god, I’ve gotten that a few times. One friend told me that if I tried to look more masculine I’d just end up looking like “an ugly girl”. People need to understand that it’s not the most important thing to be “attractive”, but to be yourself.


  13. Livy

    My parents insist that I cut my hair in order to look “uglier” so I won’t have to deal with people being attracted to me, or getting into a relationship. I’m just trying to be myself.


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