Half as many fights…
Someone wrote…
Half of the fights in this house would be solved if my mother would stop thinking my father does things the way he does because he is male. Maybe in the future people will have half as many fights as now.
Do you see older generations re-enacting socialisations you reject? How does it make you feel? How do you handle it?
Posted by julian on May 22nd, 2009 at 08:00 am
Category: your voice 3 comments »
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:12 pm |
I see people my age accusing each other of being "such a guy" or "such a girl" and it makes me feel very uncomfortable; especially if they talk to me about gender in stereotypical ways, trying to establish an "us-against-them" connection. It makes me think worse of people who I would otherwise respect.
I try to make it clear that those comments are not welcome by coolly responding something like "I don't think that's a valid generalization" or at least not responding in the friendly way they expect; that way I don't have to get argumentative if the situation won't allow it.
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May 23rd, 2009 at 6:09 pm |
When I'm quick on my feet, I use replies like you mentioned. Other times, it's not uncommon for me to be caught so off guard by someone trying to interact with me in an us-against-them way that I just freeze, confused, and can't think of anything to say. This happens to me even in the absence of outright references to the stereotypes or the high stakes of arguments: This week I was getting something from the kitchen at work. There were several women with their food & one addressed me saying, "Oh at look [another coworker]. She's the only one of us being good & eating healthy." I was expected to complete the ritualistic interaction by praising the healthy eater, admitting guilt about my own habits, or teasingly admonishing the healthy eater for setting unfair standards for the rest of Us Women. These choices were so absurd that I stood there for a moment awkwardly, realized that I wasn't going to come up with a good response, and tried to walk away as casually as possible.
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May 30th, 2009 at 6:14 pm |
Wow, this sounds just like my mom — whenever the house is a mess, the argument never ceases to include a line about what it’s like living with three guys (brother, dad, and me).
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