Passing just one at a time

Someone wrote…

I hate that it matters so damn much.

I’m a femmish queer woman (not so much heels/make-up/skirts, but girl pants and tops), and my boyfriend is FTM. I never pass as queer. Ever. Except occasionally when we’re together. And we can’t both pass at once: either he passes as male and I’m seen as straight, or I pass as queer and he’s seen as a butch lesbian.

I hate that I feel like it matters.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on January 8th, 2009 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 2 comments »

2 Responses to “Passing just one at a time”

  1. Tualha

    Yeah, I remember someone in a support group saying she used to be visibly lesbian when she went out with her gf, but as she transitioned they were perceived as a straight couple, and got the cold shoulder at queer venues they used to enjoy :(

    [Reply]

  2. Britni

    I find that, for me, society defines my sexual orientation by my partner. When I am with a man, I can walk around in public and no one gives me so much as a second glance. I am “straight” because I am walking hand in hand with a man, and therefore pass perfectly in society.

    When I am dating a woman, I get the stares and the looks and the discrimination that sometimes comes from being queer. I am an “other.” All because of the person that I am in a relationship with at that moment. I pass based on who I am holding hands with that day. But I’m never any less queer because I am with a man, or less straight because I am with a woman.

    [Reply]


Leave a Reply


Can I show your picture? If you have a Gravatar associated with this email address, it will be displayed as your photo. If not, I'll just put a picture of a fork next to your comment. Everybody likes forks.

Be nice. Judgmental comments will be quietly deleted and blacklisted. There's plenty of room for those elsewhere on the web.

For legal reasons, you must be age 13 or older to post a comment on Genderfork.

You can use some HTML tags for formatting, e.g. <em>...</em> for emphasis (italics) or <strong>...</strong> for strong emphasis (bold) or <a href="http://(url)">...</a> for links.


Back to top