Profile: Crystal
You can call me… Crystal or Chris
I identify as… a high fem or a masculine female
As far as third-person pronouns go, … female. On days when I can’t stand hearing them, I won’t leave the house, so don’t worry.
I’m attracted to… my partner(s) :)
When people talk about me, I want them to… know I’m not ‘faking’ for attention.
I want people to understand… I’m different, even when I don’t look it. When I do look different, I wish they weren’t afraid of me.
About Crystal
Since ’03 I’ve noticed I’ve felt very masculine in the colder months, including downright male sometimes. In the summer, I’m so, so girly. I’ve read a lot (really, a lot) of books on female masculinity and genders and transgenderism, and there is never anyone like me. I have trans and cis friends and I swear they all think I’m crazy.
BUT: I’ve figured something out. If I’m male in a dream, I wake up and have a masculine day. If I’m female in my dream, I want to go shopping and buy more dresses. (I have a lot of clothes for a few different genders.) It’s like my subconscious decides.
I’m a mystery. And it’s very lonely.
» Define yourself. «
Category: profiles 14 comments »
October 20th, 2009 at 6:20 pm |
I think it’s neat that you can be whoever you feel like on any given day. It sounds so simple, but it takes courage to do. Hooray for discontinuity, hooray for you!
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October 20th, 2009 at 6:56 pm |
I know I’m not exactly like you, but I also act way more feminine in the summer. I go around in low cut tops and wear bras and skirts. As soon as the first sign of fall comes in, I don’t wear any of that crap anymore.
I feel alienated by my dreams all the time. I used to have tons where I was female bodied. Now, if I’m anything, I’m male bodied. The inconsistencies are annoying sometimes. It makes it impossible to feel comfortable with who I am if I shift so often. But mostly I’ve learned to live with it.
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October 20th, 2009 at 8:30 pm |
I’m usually more feminine in the spring, before the summer months call for cargo shorts and super soakers. It’s understandable that one’s fluidity would match with the seasons
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October 20th, 2009 at 10:32 pm |
I hear where you’re coming from. It took me a long time to feel comfortable with my feeling that I am boyish sometimes and girly other times–I’m still kind of figuring it out. And it took even longer for my friends to come to terms with it! But it’s going well, and it’s a lot more fun than when I was trying to be one way or the other all the time.
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October 21st, 2009 at 7:44 pm |
You are superb in style and identity.
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October 22nd, 2009 at 5:56 am |
A friend of mine is bigendered and hir gender can change within hours. Hir facebook statuses have a variety of pronouns and se takes clothing of both genders to work so se doesn’t have to feel dysphoria for more than a few minutes. Although I do not share your gender, I know people with such a wide variety of genders that I can still identify with your experience and don’t doubt it for a second. All of your gender presentations are beautiful.
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October 22nd, 2009 at 7:49 am |
I love your hair, I think mostly because my hair has gone through a similar cycle, except I’m rocking a beatles mop top instead of a fauxhawk.
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October 22nd, 2009 at 8:39 am |
Chris –
I am not the same, but I understand, and don’t think you’re at all crazy! Hopefully that makes it be a little less lonely.
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October 22nd, 2009 at 8:40 am |
And darn it all…I meant to use both names for you to honor both parts of you, but I clicked submit too soon! So sorry, Crystal.
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October 22nd, 2009 at 7:20 pm |
I think I’m more masculine in the summer. Odd eh?
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October 22nd, 2009 at 8:14 pm |
The weather has gotten unseasonably warm this week, but now that it’s autumn, i am so loathe to put on my femme summer clothes! i’m not sure if it’s an annual cycle yet, but i’ll check it out and get back to you!
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October 24th, 2009 at 11:15 pm |
“Still and all, why bother? Here’s my answer. Many people desperately need to receive this message: I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone.”
-Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
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October 27th, 2009 at 8:31 pm |
I think it is beautiful how you feel a different gender for the seasons, it reminds me of nature worship in a way- the divine and wonderful aspects of the seasons are manifesting in gender, and that is deep and amazing :)
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November 13th, 2009 at 11:36 am |
I read you profile and started laughing…No way is there another Crystal in the world that feels the way I do. You are fantastic and not just because we share the same name. LOL!
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