Profile: D.


You can call me… D.

I identify as… genderqueer; genderfecker; a bit of both; a female man; none.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … it gets complicated. I am my mother’s daughter, but I am a dude to everyone else and a sir to some, and a boyfriend to one. I like both female and male pronouns. I don’t like gender neutral pronouns tho, I think they are hilarious and sound weird. Just my opinion, eh?

I’m attracted to… girls, femmes, girly outdoor types. Androgyny. An occasional butch. But mostly pretty girls – I recognize and accept my initial-interest superficiality.

When people talk about me, I want them to… think good thoughts, ask good questions, and not make any assumptions.

I want people to understand… I actually don’t want them to understand. I don’t mind messing with people’s minds and making them scratch their head. I don’t mind the “what are you?” questions and “why are you?” questions. I enjoy it. I don’t need anyone to understand. I just need them to respect.

About D.
I have a morbid sense of humor. It’s a professional deformation, I suppose. I’m almost done with MSc in Forensic Anthropology, enjoyed it, can’t wait to go home.

» Define yourself. «

Posted by on June 14th, 2009 at 11:36 pm

Category: profiles 10 comments »

10 Responses to “Profile: D.”

  1. sarah pear

    gender neutral pronouns are pretty important to some people – the less people are judgmental within the genderqueer community the better, eh? And butches can be pretty… i know one in particular who is.


    Rory_Z replied:

    Yeah, in my case I use gender neutral pronouns while talking about myself in the third person because using male or female pronouns feel a bit wrong to me. I don't care what people use while referring to me but it is important that I use what I feel most comfortable with… neutral isn't perfect but it'll do =)

    p.s D – morbid sense of humour is a must in this world I think =D


  2. XylophoneGender

    While trying to not sound like I'm trying to help gang up on you, D., I have to ask because my growing comfort with gender neutral pronouns started in a very different place & I'm curious to get a better understanding of what your stance is: Why did you choose "hilarious" in this instance. Again, not trying to tell you that you can't have your opinion, or that it's wrong, just trying to get a little depth of understanding. I don't want to say, "Oh, I've been there & this is what happened to me and it'll happen to you," esp if we didn't start out in the same place.


  3. Dylan83

    Just a personal opinion, I don't like the way they sound :). Silly. I don't think having an opinion and a personal dislike is being judgmental :). And, as I don't see a dislike of either/both female or male pronouns as being judgmental, I don't see why a dislike of neutral pronouns should be…

    English is not my native language, but there is a growing tendency to use gender neutral pronouns in my language too, created by mashing up female and male pronouns. Whatever the language tho, to me, personally, they sound silly. "Hilarious" in that they make me laugh. Because they sound funny, I dunno… :) Again, I don't like them for myself, but have no problem using gender neutral pronouns if other people ask me to use them when talking about them (wow, what a sentence – I hope you get what I mean…)


    XylophoneGender replied:

    Thanks lots for expanding. With many topics broached on Genderfork, there can a fine line between holding/stating an opinion and stepping on someone else's toes- which we've been learning both from the feedback to things each of us volunteers posts, as well as from communication among ourselves. So it's good to have you clarify about what you meant. It's good that you have the space to state your opinion and that we can continue to discuss topics without censoring them with taboo.

    I think that terms like "hilarious" and "silly" have the capacity to be interpreted as patronizing and dismissive, particularly to people who value the pronouns. Without knowing you better, such statements could be taken as, for instance: "Oh, tee hee, that just doesn't fit me at all. That would be like calling my brown eyes 'blue.' What a miss-match! :P" Or at the another extreme: "Haha, those poor souls who think these made-up words a real- how silly and absurd." Even though you mentioned your morbid sense of humor, it can often be tough to pin down someone else's humor in short blurbs of text like these.


    Dylan83 replied:

    Yeah sorry. I am a very literal person, usually, when speaking in English. I kinda never got the whole wordplay, sarcasm bits of it :). I understand what you're saying and how it can be seen as dismissive tho, but truly what I meant is "haha, teehee, that word just sounds funny to me". :)


    XylophoneGender replied:

    Well you have my admiration for being multilingual- I know I definitely take for granted the ubiquitousness of my native language. I can imagine that getting some of the subtlety of English would be, as you mentioned, not so intuitive.
    (and I don't mean to throw big words at a non-native speaker on purpose! They just came out of my mouth and I don't know how to put them back in!)

    Dylan83 replied:

    Big words are fine, I have been speaking English since I was 3 and went to an Ivy League college in the States. I'm fine with big words – it's actually a turn-on to hear people use them appropriately and eloquently. It's just the sneaky wordplay and double entendres that I have some trouble with. And don't even get me started on puns… :)

  4. IdentityTBD

    I use gender-neutral pronouns when talking to/about others, but, like D., I dress to confuse rather than to pass. I don't expect non-queers to know what to call me. Even better is when they call me "sir" and "ma'am" over the course of a conversation, or "correct" themselves from one to the other.


  5. jean c.

    hey, my cat licks my face too! that's a sweet photo.


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