Question: Advice for Closeted Elders?

Tab asks…

Young people: what advice would you give your closeted gender-variant elders yearning to be free after years of forced passing?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Posted by on December 2nd, 2009 at 04:00 pm

Category: questions 4 comments »

4 Responses to “Question: Advice for Closeted Elders?”

  1. blair

    i don’t know much, however;

    that whether you fully realize it or not – you ARE strong and beyond emotionally qualified enough to claim your freedom.

    that it took more strength and courage to survive alone and secretive, closeted inside yourself, for all those years than any of us [young and out people] will ever be able to relate to.

    so the only advice i feel i can give to you, is to commend you on your survival, and to encourage you to consider and embrace how brave and strong you are. to have confidence that you CAN survive coming out of your censored existence, claiming your freedom, and being genuine. that though being true about who you are is trying as well, and does hurt at many times, i have found it to be a pain far better to understand because it is honest and forthright, and therefore is far less heavy an infliction to endure.

    your strength has certainly been profound. now harness it toward being yourself, being proud of yourself. you are UNIQUE – and that, my elder, is a GOOD thing!

    peace with you, my friend.


  2. Lilybean

    It’s NEVER too late. It’s NEVER useless. The strength is there and always will be there, the issue is tapping it.

    Lastly; being yourself is the best you can do for the world.


  3. nick

    The problem with being young is the lack of experience.
    So I’d say that the best thing an older genderqueer could do is get in touch with other older genderqueer and look for their experience. They’re likely to go through the same things, same dilemmas.

    That being said…

    If you’re older, chances are that you’re in a loooooong relationship. Step one would be to slowly let your partner realise what you’re going through. Letting him/her see your doubts and fears from step one would be best, but if you’ve gone a long way already in discovering yourself in secret, you might want to slowly make your partner understand what’s going on, rather than expect him/her to accept a dramatic change over night. The same goes for kids, relatives, co-workers, etc. (You might not let them share in all your doubts and fears, especially kids, but you still have to introduce them to your changes in baby-steps.)

    O, and also: it’s never too late to make a change. Even if you’re 90, the years you can still live in your life are precious and best spend being yourself.


  4. Renae Ann

    I’m 55, and I’ve only recently begun to be able to explore my situation in even a small way. I just now discovered this forum and really appreciate that a question like this can even get asked.
    Thank you so very much…. Your advice is good, and I can sense behind it a gentle thoughtfulness.
    “…it’s never too late to make a change”….yes, absolutely – that is ever so true.


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