Question: Explaining an Entire Movement in a Minute

Ly asks…

I’m in a relationship with a woman 20 years older than me, and for her it’s hard to even grasp the concepts of “butch” and “femme” much less my genderqueer identity. I want to show her my world (she’s very much a part of the hetero world) and explain my identity to her but I don’t even really know where to start. How do you induct someone into a community they have never been a part of?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on December 14th, 2009 at 08:00 am

Category: questions 4 comments »

4 Responses to “Question: Explaining an Entire Movement in a Minute”

  1. B-Rae

    I don’t think it really matters where you start. Wherever you start, that will lead to questions and it will probably set on its own course from there. If there is a good book that resonates with you, that could be a starting point for her. If you have friends who reflect those identities, just inviting her to hang out together with you/them is a natural segue. Sharing stories with each other about how you frame the world should provide enough starting points. Plus, butch and femme can mean different things to different people. Let her know what it means to you.

    Just out of curiosity, what does her age have to do with it?


  2. Cat

    B-Rae, I think they just meant that someone from one of the older generations had less opportunity to explore these sorts of things, especially in a supportive environment.


  3. Ly

    She happens to come from, a very strict Christian upbringing. I mean she comes from a generation and a community/family where ideas like these were completely unthought of. At least, until she met me. I’ve thrown a monkeywrench into her entire world view because of the generational view she was brought up in. I’m in love with her no matter her age, but because she is from my father’s generation and an even stricter upbringing, she had a hard time even understanding what “butch” meant. She understands that now, but the next step is trying to explain how I have and am not a specific gender.


  4. Ly

    I am grateful for the advice. I’ve thought about lending her my copy of “Stone Butch Blues” to start helping her understand that core part of me.


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