Recommendation: 2 Hot Transexuals Finally Give Some Answers!

Jess recommends…

Has someone ever asked you a question that feels invasive? Has a complete stranger ever made assumptions about your life? Do people tell you that your name and pronouns put a strain on their lives? Red and Charles answer some of these challenging questions!

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Posted by on August 27th, 2009 at 08:00 am

Category: recommendations, videos 3 comments »

3 Responses to “Recommendation: 2 Hot Transexuals Finally Give Some Answers!”

  1. Fran


    I’ve been obsessed with it for a while and they’re both so hot and so funny and they’re amazing.

    Okay, I’m done gushing.


  2. Celeste

    Totally cute! Love their snappy comebacks!


  3. Rory

    My friend transcribed this video for me as I really wanted to know what the witty responses were! I thought I’d include the transcription here in case anybody was wishing the same thing:

    (Intro text over Corey Hart’s 1983 New Wave hit song “Sunglasses At Night”)

    What if you were born into the right body?

    Red: If I was born into the “right body”… That was just the most useless air quotes ever… If I was born into the “right body”… I would probably either be a transman or a lesbian separatist. I would probably live in the woods, worship the mother goddess and invent little guillotines to cut off penises. That’s probably what I would do.

    Charles: Um, I sort of like being trans. Do you mean into a body that might get me laid more? I kind of like my body. I don’t think I understand this question. What if YOU were born into the right body?

    What’s your real name?

    Charles: My real name is John Denver (1970s folk singer).

    Red: It’s actually funny that you asked that. I was actually raised by wolves. So my real given name is hard to pronounce in English. (Imitates wolf sounds) It roughly translates to “shadow of the wind”. I don’t really know why that was an appropriate name for me.

    Charles: My real name is John Tesh (cheesy New Age/Christian musician and TV host from the late 80s).

    Red: They’re wolves. Everything’s “the wind” something.

    Have you had surgery?

    Red: I don’t know… Have you had surgery yet? I’m not trying to be mean here, but it wouldn’t hurt you in this area (circles face with hand). That’s all I’m saying.

    Charles: I don’t talk about this with a lot of people because it’s kind of uncomfortable. When I was 13… sorry this is really hard…

    Red: Yes, I have had surgery. I had surgery right after I bought a yacht and some Faberge eggs, which are not very tasty.

    Charles: I got this surgery because I had this really bad ingrown toenail. It was really nasty. It was pus-y and green. It was really embarrassing. It was disgusting. I had to go to a podiatrist. They had to drain all the shit out of it. The green yellow nasty stuff.

    Red: Yeah, I had surgery and then I bought a house, well a mansion and a baseball team and they’re not doing very well.

    Charles: I guess I need to start talking about it right? I feel like it’s really dishonest of me to hide things from you. Because everyone diserves to know about these things.

    Red: But yeah, I’ve had surgery. All kinds of surgery. I had a new index finger installed. It’s made out of granite. It’s hard to bend.

    What does your real voice sound like?

    Charles: I actually signed a legal document saying I would never reveal my real voice again.

    Red: One of the benefits and one of the problems with being a trans woman is that going on hormones doesn’t actually change your voice. But for here it actually helps because I can usually get my voice back down to the register it was at before I transitioned. Let me just prepare for a second. (Speaks in deep devil voice) It sounded like this. It sounded just like the Devil and actually I was the Devil for a little bit. And then I realized I was really uncomfortable with myself and needed to be true to myself and I realized that I was just a woman trapped in a demon’s body.

    Charles: My real voice was SO sexy and so hot that one day I was at home and this big black van with no windows pulled up out front and 6 people got out with suits and dark sun glasses and they came into the house, put a bag over my head and I had to go to this government vocal re-training program. Appearantly there was about to be this economic collapse because my voice was so sexy that no one could get anything done.

    Are you a man or a woman?

    Charles: No.

    Red: Yes!

    Charles: Well I have a cunt so that makes me a man.

    Red: Yes I am.

    Charles: No, definitely no. 100%.

    Are you a he or a she?

    Red: Yes. I am definitely one of those. Depending on who is talking.

    Charles: I’m going to go with option C.

    Red: Yes I am. I think.

    This name/pronoun is really hard for me to use.

    Red: Oh my god. I’m sorry. Come here, let’s talk about it.

    Charles: Oh, you’re having a hard time? This might make you feel better… Let me hold you… Yep, just a little bit closer.

    Red: Now I feel bad.

    Charles: Pronouns! Yeah! Who’s your pronoun?

    Did you have a traumatic childhood?

    Red: I had a really traumatic childhood… My step mother used to make me mow the lawn.

    Charles: When I was a kid I had really bad acne. It was hard I didnt want to deal with my acne. Finally it was like “Alright, I’m trans. I have acne and I’m trans”.

    Red: I had to use a leaf blower and blow off the drive way…

    Charles: Once I dealt with the whole acne/trans thing, things got easier and my skin cleared up but I have recently, no thanks to Julie Blair, I’ve broke out again, but here’s the weird thing, I’m not trans anymore.

    Red: The event that made me realize I was trans was… We had to lay down mulch once and it was 300 lbs of mulch it took all day and it was sweaty and dirty and gross and we didn’t get paid. It was horrible. My sisters spent all day eating bonbons and watching Lifetime and that’s when I realized that was the life I wanted and I realized I wanted to be a girl.

    Why do you want to change your body?

    Charles: I was raised in the church, Catholic. We were always taught we should be giving back to the world. I decided I wanted to donate parts of my body to the world. Especially information about my body to the world.

    Red: For my whole life I felt uncomfortable with how few tentacles I had. I always felt I should have been born with more tentacles.

    Charles: My titties are an offering to mankind. Which translates to a direct ticket to heaven. The Catholic church is thinking of making me a saint for martyring myself.

    Red: Unfortunately modern science has only come so far. So I figured physically transitioning was the next best thing to being a beautiful majestic octopus swimming the 7 seas, inking things that attacked me.

    Are you worried that no one will ever love you?

    Charles: Every time I’m in bed with somebody I think of two words running through my head over and over… and those words are “pity fuck”.


    Red: …more testicles.

    Charles: Fuck you. That’s stupid.

    Red: (wolf sounds)

    Off screen voice to Charles: (indistinguishable) … with your pronouns.

    Charles: (caught off guard) I thought you were just saying to me for real! (laughter)

    Red: Cunt… man… man-cunt? Cunt-man.


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