To most of the outside world…
Someone wrote…
To most of the outside world, my partner and I are a heterosexual couple, and I am a heterosexual woman. To my partner and some select people, I am genderqueer. To some strangers, I appear as a bloke.
It’s good fun sometimes, but some days I feel like I’ve failed on every count. I’m a failed feminist because I’m attracted to men, because I come home to a man. I’m a failed gay man because I’m in the closet. I’m a failed FTM because I still like to present female.
I guess what it comes down to is that sometimes, it just sucks not having a comfortable, clearly labeled gender box.
What’s your experience?
Posted by julian on October 19th, 2009 at 08:00 am
Category: your voice 8 comments »
October 19th, 2009 at 3:29 pm |
I feel like this, to some degree.
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October 19th, 2009 at 4:07 pm |
You’re not alone.
I sometimes feel I’ve failed because I haven’t found a label that fits yet.
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October 19th, 2009 at 4:30 pm |
I think i know this feeling, as well.
On bad days the lack of clarity with my gender really bothers me, and i feel that yes, i’ve pretty much failed in creating any sort of definition for other people to go by.
On good days though, on good days, i love the lack of clarity, i love that i don’t have to choose, i love that i can choose it all…..
Here’s hoping for more good days……
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October 19th, 2009 at 4:35 pm |
Right on, you’re not alone.
Personally, I think there are very few people who fit into clearly labeled gender boxes–or at least, they don’t fit completely. At best you can have a small collection of boxes with a limb in each. Like Twister.
I like the “unsorted” box. It’s pretty big.
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October 19th, 2009 at 6:10 pm |
Personally, I think there are very few people who fit into clearly labeled gender boxes–or at least, they don’t fit completely. At best you can have a small collection of boxes with a limb in each. Like Twister.
GenderTwister FTW!
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October 19th, 2009 at 7:18 pm |
I feel this. :) I was assigned male at birth and that is how I’m read for the most part — so most of the world sees me as a gay man (though an increasingly “flamboyant” one). I don’t think of myself this way anymore and neither do my partners or good friends. It bothers me, but to increase my androgyny (which would probably require me to grow out my hair, or some other major “feminizing” physical change) would be just as dishonest as purposefully making myself more masculine (as I did for most of my life).
I’d rather do what I like — what makes me feel best — and fuck what other people assume about me or my life. If they knew me, they’d know better, after all. :)
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October 20th, 2009 at 4:06 am |
Right now, people tend to see my partner and I as gay (though they sometimes can’t work out if we’re dykes or gay men). When I’ve transitioned further, most people will see us as a hetero couple with my partner as female.
Neither of these is the truth. I am a queer trans man, sie is queer and genderless. Sie supports me in my transition and in turn I support hir presentation eventhough it means I get read as a lesbian.
I sometimes feel like a failure as a feminist for *being* a man but then I remember what feminism is about. It’s not about men being evil dominators of women at all really, it’s about allowing people to do what they want to do with their lifes and function as human beings regardless of their sex or gender. If cis men can crossdress, so can you. The only way you (and I and hundreds of other people) are “failing” is by allowing ourselves to feel like we have failed.
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October 25th, 2009 at 8:06 am |
Hey guys. I’m the OP. I know I’m late to the party, but I just wanted to say thank you for these wonderful comments. I never thought this would get published on here, much less get a lot of attention. Thanks for making me feel I’m not alone.
“The only way you (and I and hundreds of other people) are “failing” is by allowing ourselves to feel like we have failed.”
William, I think I will stick those words on my bedroom wall, just so I don’t forget.
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