Someone wrote…

I don’t identify as a man, but it makes me really uncomfortable when my masculinity is undermined.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on November 18th, 2009 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 16 comments »

16 Responses to “Undermined.”

  1. Anonymous

    Yes. This.


  2. Lanthir

    I know exactly how you feel!


  3. Rin

    Oh, exactly.


  4. Laura

    I totally agree! I identify as an androgen, and people sort of see that as “not counting.”

    Yesterday I was boxing with a friend (which I do everyday) and my best friend’s boyfriend walked by and proceeded to mock, quite seriously, “Aw, isn’t cute and you think you can toss a wittle punch? Lemme guess, your sparring partner’s just throwing the slow punches over your head?”

    I wanted to destroy his face.


  5. Anonymous

    ah! precisely! Thank you for stating so simply something I could not put into words.


  6. Anonymous

    I know exactly what you mean! I feel exactly the same very often, but the other way around.


  7. Josèe

    This has been confusing the hell out of me for a long time. I’ve been learning to remember that it’s okay to be in the grey area.


  8. Claudius Maximus

    Same here and as a friend says ” People act from the wisedom of their ignorance”.


  9. Anonymous

    Oh my god, this.

    i hate when my brother tries to be all chivalrous and tell me he won’t fight me cause i’m a “girl”.


  10. Naomi

    YES. When I came out as a genderqueer to my ex-partner (who was a cross dresser), he said, “You just seem feminine to me.” Ugh.

    Sure, I am feminine sometimes, but I hate it when people use it as a contrast, as if it negates my androgyny and masculinity. Cisgender men get this, too, so it’s probably related. It’s like you have to be “purely” masculine in order to be considered masculine at all.


  11. Jude

    This makes me really mad and kind of makes me want to laugh at myself at the same time. I definitely know what you mean. Some one challenges my masculinity and I’m ready to tackle them and sock them in the face. Then they back off and apologize, admitting that yes, I am in fact pretty manly, and I just want to break down at their feet and ask if I can still wear the frilly skirt.


  12. Samson

    Not to go wandering into sensitive territory too much, but–I think there’s something to be said in this for the fact that our society has had a tradition of equating masculinity with authority/privilege/the right to make your own decisions.

    Not saying that that’s why any of us embrace our masculinity–more that, it’s really sad that, as some of y’all have commented, some people’s way of implying that we’re weak is to emphasize our femininity.


  13. Jude

    absolutely. I didn’t mean to imply that being aggressive=masculine and wearing a skirt=feminine…these are just two traits that 1) people I know find m or f and 2)on occasion help me to express my gender…But I do find that these things are sadly linked certain ways. And this begs the question: can we redefine these things? re-associate them in better ways?


    Samson replied:

    None of that was directed at you! I just saw this post pop up again and was thinking out loud about it. I feel about the same as you do. (Except for the frilly skirts part–I’m for shiny bronze eyeliner, personally. Can’t live without my eyeliner.)

    I sure hope we can. When I am feeling particularly down I try to remind myself that my presence in everyday life is hopefully helping that happen.


    Jude replied:

    Ah, no worries :)…and I like eye shadow myself…liner always makes my eyes water…
    I agree with you. I think mostly it’s important to just keep wearing that liner, those skirts, that old smoking jacket, keep tackling people, doing hand stands, dancing, or whatever it is that frees your soul. Just do that and let the others do their thing, and maybe eventually everyone will realize that that’s what we all needed to be doing to begin with.


    Samson replied:

    Oh my gosh, can I steal that paragraph right there and quote it on my website? That makes me want to live.

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