Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras Party 2010, originally uploaded by captured by jOsephine Ki.

Mum who loves her son asks…

Hi, my five year old son has repeatedly expressed that he wished he was a girl since he was about to turn 3. It is a nearly daily thing, he prefers girl clothes, and has asked me things like “If I pray hard enough, will God change me into a girl?” When we go to the toy store, you can see him longing to go down the “girl” aisle, but not wanting to in case people make fun of him.

Bottom line is, I love him no matter what, and I want him to be happy with who he is. How do I help him figure out who he is without pushing him either way, when society demands he dress/act like a boy? Is it OK to support him when he really wants the pink knickers with love hearts? Or am I doing him harm by allowing him to pick those instead of the ninja turtles?

I need help, but not just theory – real experience. Plenty of people have told me he’ll grow out of it, and he might, or he might not, but I don’t want him growing up ashamed of who he is – I just can’t figure out who he is…

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

“Androgyny via the iPhone” submitted by Chris, the model and photographer.

Androgyne, originally uploaded by Sybil.R.

Someone wrote…

Ouch. Someone told me I’m “definitely not androgynous.” Not your place to decide my identity, sorry.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Who doesn’t like a good makeover?

“This Morning” submitted by Arty, the model and photographer

“Today I want to be a human being.”

You can call me… whatever you’d like! I’m all for makin’ up names. If you aren’t, you can just call me Sen Holiday. After all, I do.

I identify as… Sen Holiday! If I absolutely have to work with labels, then a pan-affectionate, asexual, androgyne/genderqueer.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … there’s no right or wrong one to use. I hate that the binary is so rigid that there isn’t a recognized gender-neutral pronoun, and I find the ones somewhat available difficult for myself and others.

I’m attracted to… androgynous people of all genders — but not actually *attracted* to, since, as you will see above, I’m asex.

When people talk about me, I want them to… Ideally? It’d be great if they disassociated gender from me. This is a very difficult thing to do, however, and I understand that. When possible, it’s great when people use the gender-neutral version of words (the few that there are, anyway — spouse, person, et cetera).

I want people to understand… that the gender binary need not be so rigid! Really, relax it a bit, people. It’s liberating.

About Sen Holiday
Any other genderqueers in the Twin Cities? Also, I climb (rocks, trees, buildings, you name it), cook vegan deliciousness, fall down stairs, draw, read, and watch horror movies. Me in a nutshell!

» Define yourself. «

Angela recommends…

This is a sewing blog I’ve been following, written by a man who’s been sewing for himself, his boyfriend, and his ‘cousin’ Cathy. In this particular entry he admits that he is himself Cathy, and he segues into a brilliant, casual, assured invitation to his mainstream sewing readership to consider gender deviance. He’s a superb sewist, and a smart, funny, talented blogger, and he’s encouraging people to think outside the lines. Plus he uses lots of vintage patterns! What more could you want?

» Recommend something. «

Unisex, originally uploaded by Fábio Pinheiro.

Someone wrote…

I have a brilliant picture of me in drag— a blond wig, button-up shirt, tie, as guyish as a young teenager can go without someone asking some questions. And I want to post it here, because that’s the only look I wear that makes me feel beautiful. But I can’t, because I’m paranoid someone I know will stumble across it. So, for anyone who can post their picture here, I encourage you to do it, because I wish wish wish I could too.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

A reader asks…

Everyone I know has been really accepting towards the fact that I am ftM transsexual, but I think some of them have some internalized, subconsious transphobia. A few of my friends get randomly angry at me when the topic gender comes up, when my voice gets unstable or when I act, in their view, ‘macho’. I find it difficult to talk about this as they do not want to see themselves as remotely transphobic. Should I just drop the topic or is there a way to handle this without calling my friends transphobes?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

white shoe in a bubble 2, originally uploaded by neohypofilms.

You can call me… Oliver, Olli, Ol or Warlord von Uberschminkel, but the latter probably only if you’re my partner. Otherwise I shall consider you odd.

I identify as… Male. Not “bio-female” or any nonsensical phrase like that.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … I can see why people might use them for me, as some say I appear genderqueer. But male ones are more fitting.

I’m attracted to… people who don’t expect the conventional polite conversation I can’t provide. People with nice smiles. Beautiful women, handsome men, attractive genderqueer people (those who are not gender abolitionists). Men who dress up as Uruk-hai.

When people talk about me, I want them to… be in awe of my dashing masculinity (this is an in-joke — I don’t have any dashing masculinity).

I want them to make fewer assumptions.

I want people to understand… that testosterone does not produce immediate full beards, and there is a lengthy period during which one must shave, so one does not look ridiculous.

That there is no scientific consensus on defining sex, so a layperson makes a fool of themselves trying it.

That it is not difficult to use the appropriate pronouns for people. I have tested that hypothesis and found it wanting, and, thus, trans people ought not to accept it as an excuse. If you scream in someone’s face until they are terrified, their struggle to be respectful becomes miraculously less uphill.

» Define yourself. «

“self portrait” submitted by Addison, the model and photographer

“showing off my tattoo of a cicada which represents the evolution and change I’ve experienced in my gender fluid life.”

“Kelvin and Sam” submitted by Sam, the model

Sam adds, “I see two friends, I see two guys,I see a guy and a girl, I see a straight couple, I see a gay couple, what’d you see?”

Someone wrote…

I bound and buttoned up for church; I wore a fancy dress that showed off my hairy armpits for dinner. This Easter is one big pastel-colored drag show.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Dana Morrigan recommends…

Video artist DuplicateKeys answers the question “Does transition ever end?”

» Recommend something. «

Lollipop Garden, originally uploaded by Michelle in Ireland.

Tchy asks…

My partner and I have been musing about one day having children. We’re having trouble figuring out what to do about family names, though. We’re both very genderqueer, and we plan to keep our own last names when we get married. We don’t like the idea of hyphenating, and when we tried to combine our names into a new last name the results we came up with sounded awful and absurd.

Are there any other options open to us? What would you recommend we do, or what would you do in our place?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «