I don’t need that much attention.

Someone wrote…

My outfit doesn’t express my gender. I like to keep it simple. If I need to express myself and my gender I will do so when the time comes. I don’t need that much attention.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on September 27th, 2010 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 16 comments »

16 Responses to “I don’t need that much attention.”

  1. Meike

    Exactly this! Yes!


  2. Jessica

    Sometimes it’s cool to make a statement. We all like to play dress up sometimes, but life is too short to spend so much time obsessing about how other people will perceive you. That and I don’t like wearing a tie.


  3. Eryn

    I think it’s so important for each of us to find empowering ways to live in our bones and navigate through our lives–even when the ways in which we do that differ from the ways of others who share our struggles. I’m really happy that you’ve carved out a comfortable space for yourself:) I also think it’s important to make space for people who’s clothing is a hard-won part of their gender expression. People wear clothing, sometimes at great personal, professional,and social risk to themselves, and many times the attentions paid to them is not sought after.


    Jessica replied:

    Yes, if clothes are your thing, I’ll sincerely admire. Same with hair. Same with makeup. Same with…
    Whatever is true to you.


  4. Zoe

    Whatever works for you, works for you.

    Myself, the expression of gender through clothing / hair etc is sometimes not about attention from others – it’s about how it makes me feel about myself. Moving through the world as a boy makes me feel different from moving through the world as a girl, and that’s not about how anyone else sees me.

    It’s about how the boxers feel on my thighs.


    Anonymous replied:

    :)Like it, Zoe!


    Captain Crowdeath replied:

    Very true!! I agree 100%. It’s about how wearing a tie makes me feel, not about the interesting looks I get on the bus :D


  5. thesnakegod(dess)

    I feel the same way. I usually only choose to express my gender via clothing to my friends – that way they get the statement I’m making, since they already know me.

    Normally I just wear jeans and a tshirt, but my favorite dress up day was at a toga party my friend held. I was dressed very feminine, and exposed my body’s curves. My toga consisted of two black curtains, three belts and a safety pin, and it showed off my unshaved body hair. I had a friend draw facial hair on me with an eyebrow pencil. Everyone knew why, and everyone loved it.


  6. A

    I love wearing men’s clothes, but I’ve only come to terms with my gender identity recently and right now I just do not have enough resources to replace my entire “girly” wardrobe. I would LOVE to express my gender by my clothes, but it’s just not an option. I suppose I just wish that it weren’t so *necessary* to express one’s gender through clothing and presentation. Everyone will see me as a girl if I don’t present myself otherwise, but I don’t have the means, and… argh.

    I know it shouldn’t matter to me so much how people see me, but it does. It’s so important to me to be recognized… I wish I could just print out the Wikipedia article for “genderqueer” and tape it to myself.

    Actually, that’s not a bad idea…


    Jessica replied:

    I had a fantasy once of advertising for someone of the “other” gender who was my size – someone with whom we could share our wardrobes. It would be so cool to be able to expand one’s selection like that without investing in hundreds or thousands of dollars.


  7. Frankie

    i only express my gender through clothing and hair because its the only thing in my control, cause my friends are always gonna point out every little action that proves I’m a girl. I’ve decided that if I’m comfortable in what I’m wearing then that’s enough, they can’t force me wear something else. i don’t necessarily wanna become a boy, i just want people to let me wear my boxer briefs and my skinny jeans down around my ass and not complain that i’m not acting lady enough.


    Jessica replied:

    So, you’re a girl. like Sheryl crow says:

    It’s not having what you want
    It’s wanting what you’ve got

    What’s a girl anyway? Is it what your friends say it is? Is it what society says? Or is it what you say?

    Pogo “Who am us anyways?”

    Be who and what you are. Do what makes you feel good. If they don’t like it, it doesn’t matter if they call you a girl, sir.


    Frankie replied:


    you are amazing!! you always have something positive and supportive to say.
    I just thought I’d let you know that I really appreciate your comments on here, whether or not they’re in response to me.
    thank you. you’re the proof that none of us are on this journey alone.



    tigr replied:

    Seconded:) Thanks Jessica!

  8. Regen

    I completely agree that your clothing should not be said to express your gender. But it DOES affect how you are perceived, and it is hard for some people to be consistently misperceived. Not that clothing always fixes those misperceptions, but it does often help to say “look here, I’m trying to tip you off about the way I perceive myself” And then it’s on them if they don’t catch it. The number of times I’ve had people laugh and think I was joking when I’ve told them I’m genderqueer is immense, but they seem to do that less if I dress like a man.


  9. Jessica

    Blushing beet red. Aw, shucks.

    Say what you mean. Mean what you say.

    All you people mean a lot to me. Thank you.


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