I want to wear those things together.

Someone wrote…

I’d like people to understand that there is a difference between confusion and flexibility. If I wear a top hat and a tie, it doesn’t mean I want to be a man. If I wear makeup and a lace skirt, it doesn’t mean I consider myself a woman. And wearing those things together does not mean I can’t decide what I want to be. It just means I want to wear those things together. I’m not the confused one. In fact, I’ve got it all figured out.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on March 1st, 2010 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 12 comments »

12 Responses to “I want to wear those things together.”

  1. ElegantAndrogyne



  2. BamBam

    I agree, people always accuse me of being confused when really it’s them who don’t understand what is going on with me, and they don’t want to take the time to find out.


  3. Tamar

    “I’m not the confused one. In fact, I’ve got it all figured out.”

    i love this~~excellent response.


  4. Leah

    I feel like I’m pretending to be someone I’m not if I present an all “masculine” or “feminine” appearance. Sometimes it’s fun to dress up as a man or a woman, but I’d rather be myself.


  5. Lanthir

    @Leah — I know what you mean! I feel even more like I’m in drag if I’m wearing all women’s clothes than I do wearing all guy’s clothes and binding! Some sort of balance is more fun and comfortable, although I tend to lean more towards the masculine side.


  6. Louche

    My thoughts exactly! I first started thinking this way when I heard about how Adam Lambert identifies as a man, but likes to be able to express himself in as many ways as possible. Now I no longer see his hairstyle as necessarily feminine… it’s just a hairstyle!

    To me, dressing as a woman or a man is like putting on a costume. If you dress as a bunny, that doesn’t mean you identify as a bunny… I suppose you could make an argument that it means you’d like to be treated according to that role while in the costume, but since women are so diverse, that doesn’t necessarily work either.

    I used to avoid things that I thought of as feminine – maybe I still do – but now I tend to think of everything as genderless unless it’s several features put together, and even then you never know.

    Definitely the real confusion is in conflating a skirt or hair length with femininity. I know lots of women-identified people who only strike me as outwardly feminine and otherwise one might say androgynous or genderless! Or outwardly androgynous people whose personalities could fall right in like with femininity, if we employ the binary. But without the binary, people just *are*.


  7. Leah

    The problem for me is the lack of a middle ground. We all know the stereotypes for masculine and feminine, but the grey area of androgyny is harder to define. On one hand, that sucks, because I’d really like it if people knew how I identify just by looking at me. On the other hand, being able to define my androgyny in the way I choose is very liberating.


  8. Chris

    Also, by associating top hats and ties as “for men” and lace and skirts as “for women” we are just further re-enforcing the gender stereotypes.


  9. Meike

    It makes it hard to be androgynous whenever someone looks at a dress and thinks “Girl!” or at a tux and thinks “Boy!”. Which totally sucks. This is why I have a lovely pipe dream of inventing a line of unisex/androgynous clothing.


  10. Als

    Yes, yes, yes! Thank you. Agree completely.


  11. Lilybean

    Meike – it can take some searching, but it can happen. I was told to buy a ‘posh dress’ when I went on a cruise, and I bought a feminine suit instead. As a ‘male-bodied’ (what?) girl, I passed (I think) but not without being interesting!


  12. Basil Hallward

    I’m glad there’s someone elso who feels this way!


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