Lost My Gender Ambiguity.
Kit wrote…
I’ve lost my gender ambiguity, thanks to the wonders of testosterone. I miss people saying “I’m sorry, but I have no idea whether you’re a boy or a girl…” and then me replying “I don’t either, if I’m honest.”
I want to go on HRT to restore my ambiguity, because right now I feel like I’ve lost a part of myself.
What’s your experience?
Posted by julian on December 11th, 2010 at 08:00 am
Category: your voice 15 comments »
December 11th, 2010 at 10:52 am |
I KNOW! I hope people recognize that always being ambiguous is akin to gender, too. It shapes how others from various backgrounds interact with us, and what we come to know and be comfortable with stems from our appearance. Changing that changes how we interact with people, and that can be an unwelcome culture shock.
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December 12th, 2010 at 11:21 pm |
Be careful what you wish for….
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December 13th, 2010 at 2:04 am |
HRT is tricky in the way that you can’t *really* know beforehand what it is that you’ll get. In a way I only received my ambiguity through hormone therapy, not socially but internally.
What you’ve written makes me wonder why you started HRT in the first place. Whatever it was and whatever you do in the future, I hope it turns out okay.
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Jessica replied:
December 13th, 2010 at 6:21 am
Some people change their minds. It’s OK. I think it is better to be honest with yourself about changing your direction than to continue with something because you’ve started something and can’t go back…
@Kit – it’s not just your body: there’s plenty of people who have been wildly ambiguous without ever going near HRT. Be careful of your body. It’s the only one you’re ever going to get. Take your time.
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anta replied:
December 14th, 2010 at 6:36 am
I didn’t mean to imply that there was anything wrong with changing one’s mind, I just meant that there were no implications as to what had triggered the decision in the first place. (I actually no longer remember why I felt it necessary, but I do a lot of things and often forget why.)
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Jessica replied:
December 14th, 2010 at 7:08 am
We have that attribute in common… or rather I remember a reason that seems perfectly logical now, but which is entirely different to my reasoning at the time.
December 15th, 2010 at 3:02 pm |
I wish medical institutions realized it’s legit to transition to the middle, as well as from one extreme to another.
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Jessica replied:
December 15th, 2010 at 3:13 pm
Legal definitions are typically stuck in the 1950’s psychobabble. It is insulting and creates difficulties in our community – sit serves no public good.
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Jamie replied:
December 15th, 2010 at 3:22 pm
I’m confused, I didn’t mention legal definitions anywhere.
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Jessica replied:
December 15th, 2010 at 3:33 pm
Medical protocols are largely defined and practically constrained by the legal definitions they contain. An individual practitioner may recognize that it’s legit to transition to the middle, as well as from one extreme to another, but in order to render services, they will have to pretend to do one thing while actually doing something else. This is risky and most doctors will choose to not do this.
In order for medical practice to change, legal definitions need to change – and that’s without even considering what a mess everything gets to be when medical insurance gets involved.
Jamie replied:
December 15th, 2010 at 3:45 pm
As far as I know, in the United States medical transition is dictated by insurance, not by law. The only laws concerning gender transition have to do with documentation, such as changing name or gender marker, which is a separate process. I don’t know where you live, but the situation may be different there.
Jessica replied:
December 15th, 2010 at 4:05 pm
Nothing in insurance is unconnected to legal definitions, especially in the United States.
Jamie replied:
December 15th, 2010 at 7:36 pm
I am curious as to what laws are on the books to define what is acceptable transition-wise, because I have never heard of such a thing, on a federal or state level.
Jessica replied:
December 15th, 2010 at 9:38 pm
Look at your state’s requirements to get gender changed on a driver’s license. Then you can compare that with getting your gender changed on your passport.
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Jamie replied:
December 15th, 2010 at 10:17 pm
I already covered that—changing gender markers and name is a separate process than medical transition, and has nothing to do with insurance companies.
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