Question: Do you get queasy?
Jakk asks…
Does anybody else feel nauseous during intimacy?
Please post your response in the comments below.
» Ask Genderfork «
Posted by Alice on October 10th, 2010 at 08:00 am
Category: questions 21 comments »
21 Responses to “Question: Do you get queasy?”
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October 10th, 2010 at 8:10 am |
I’m not experienced sex wise, but being close to/holding someone I have strong feelings for, I have gotten nauseous and dizzy. I think it comes from being overwhelmed with (positive) emotions.
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October 10th, 2010 at 8:56 am |
sometimes I do because I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin, no matter how hard my wife tries to make me feel great in that skin and loves and accepts me for who I am. I feel so nauseous with each touch in intimate situation because of my own disgust of my body and uneasiness in that body that it is a sensory overload for me and it makes me feel queasy.
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October 10th, 2010 at 8:58 am |
as an asexual person with strong revulsion toward most kinds of physical intimacy, yeah. i couldn’t handle even making out with someone.
but i’d figure you’re either tending toward asexuality or, as the previous comment said, just overcome by positive emotions. that, or there’s something else going on that’s making you uncomfortable.
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October 10th, 2010 at 9:11 am |
It might also be nerves, if you tend to get queasy when you’re nervous–which could be good or bad, depending on what kind of nervous it is.
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October 10th, 2010 at 9:36 am |
I get queasy when I’m in intimate situations sometimes. When that happens I know I’m about to crash hard. The best way to describe it is as a kind of “Dysphoric attack.” This is probably totally different from your experience, but, yea, I can relate.
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Dimmie replied:
October 10th, 2010 at 6:23 pm
That’s how I would describe it, exactly. Like, 99% of the time I can just ignore the plumbing, but physical intimacy makes me very aware of my body, and a lot of the time I can’t handle it and have to call a time-out so I can calm down.
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October 10th, 2010 at 11:14 am |
This is probably different, but… how to explain this. Sometimes feelings of arousal feel the same as panic. Like, those wires are a bit crossed, for me.
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October 10th, 2010 at 1:43 pm |
I certainly get massively uncomfortable, and often upset, when it comes to intimacy. I don’t really know why, i guess its dysphoric related, but still, the thought of being intimate with someone fills me with dread rather than the excitement, which in itself causes me more upset, which isn’t so good…
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October 10th, 2010 at 2:03 pm |
If it’s someone im really into I’ll lose my appetite for a week or so…but I think it might be excitement?
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October 10th, 2010 at 6:41 pm |
I’ve recently felt this way…mostly seems to stem from a feeling that I’m being intimate with this person but not maybe as intimate as I (might/should) be, because I often succumb to acting a gender I’m not because I feel like that’s what they want me to be.
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October 11th, 2010 at 8:01 am |
Depends on the kind of sex I’m having. If it somehow involves my genderdysphoria being triggered, I become passive, paralyzed, and if my partner doesn’t pick up on that, I eventually snap out of that and into panic and hyperventilation. This usually involves nausea.
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October 11th, 2010 at 7:15 pm |
For anyone struggling with such dsyphoric reactions that are *not* based (or not solely based) in gender, but instead by triggers from past violence: *Please* know that being trans or otherwise gendered does not mean that you have nowhere to turn to get survivor support. Check out:
FORGE (For Ourselves: Reworking Gender Expression)
http://www.forge-forward.org/elists.php
“SV-SUPPORT — A peer-to-peer support list for LGBTQI survivors of sexual violence. The list is open to both direct survivors and secondary survivors (partners, family members, in addition to compassionate allies).”
http://www.forge-forward.org/sv/listserves.php
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epinards replied:
October 13th, 2010 at 10:56 am
thank you, I was thinking the very same thing. sometimes this could be caused by gender dysphoria but sometimes from past violence. I went for years and years with nobody suggesting to me that a lot of my stuff around sex, gynological exams etc. were about sexual violence. I wish someone had helped me figure that out sooner.
Now I am more careful about how I am intimate . . if buttons start to get pushed I *stop*. Intimacy is supposed to be pleasurable and if it isn’t pleasurable it isn’t worth it. Anyone worth sleeping with will understand that and approach our bodies with ultimate respect.
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October 12th, 2010 at 9:56 pm |
I feel queasy when people say they are attracted to me. :( I’m repulsed by the idea of someone liking my body without knowing the gender issues attached.
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Jessica replied:
October 14th, 2010 at 6:07 pm
I wonder why, if they like the person you are presenting as. I think people generally like people who like them… you may be an acquired taste, being so variable, but in thinking about it, I guess it does get disappointing having people veering off, escaping like you’re something icky nasty. It is easy to get a chip on your shoulder… I try to shed my chips as often as I can.
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October 13th, 2010 at 12:42 pm |
No accidents in my past. I just can’t do anything with anybody. All I have experienced is kissing in the past with various people, and it wasn’t nice in every case. So I stopped. I’m ‘single’ now, and it feels great. I don’t care if someone thinks I’m not normal, I know about myself, that this is the only way for me to feel good and comfortable. Also I don’t have ‘real’ friends, because it’s another part of my comfort. I do have a few in the Net, though. And it’s perfectly enough for me.
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October 14th, 2010 at 8:53 pm |
yes, and healing is hard.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR POSTING THIS.
THANK YOU THANK YOU
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October 15th, 2010 at 6:24 am |
I think I know what you mean. I don’t ever fully enjoy intimacy. It just kind of sets off a panic switch in my mind.
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October 18th, 2010 at 1:01 pm |
I get confused more than queasy. like, I want my partner to be touching things that aren’t there- and to avoid what is.
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Jessica replied:
October 18th, 2010 at 1:28 pm
I have found that when someone has been with a particular person (A) for a long time, they get the feel of that person and when they are intimate with another person (B), they assume that this new person will be identical to A. This understandable but untrue. Add in the physiological differences transsexual people have and intimacy is a real minefield. But it can be negotiated with care and sensitivity.
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October 20th, 2011 at 1:29 pm |
This made me feel not so alone with this, I completely shut down when it comes to intimacy, I am not even really particularly fond of physical touch.
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