Question: Queering Menstruation
CInnaZimtAnie asks…
I’m a genderforker working on a paper involving queer genders & menstruation. It is so difficult to find resources! Has anyone seen anything? A study? A little bit from a book (nonfiction or fiction)? Or maybe you’d be willing to share your story with me? I know that menstruating is a big deal for me because of how it conflicts with and sometimes confirms my gender ID. Does everyone else just deal with it and not give it much thought? What’s up?
You can feel free to email me at genderclear at gmail dot com if you have any comments you don’t want to share publicly.
Please post your response in the comments below.
» Ask Genderfork «
Posted by Zory on March 23rd, 2010 at 08:00 am
Category: questions 67 comments »
March 23rd, 2010 at 8:22 am |
God, what a topic! I’m genderqueer, and I have a really nasty relationship with my period.
Since my religion values fertility, I was struggling for a long time with how much I hated getting my period and how transitioning would affect my ability to have a kid. I guess I just decided that the most fertile (lol) part of me is my mind, as a philosopher.
Menstruating is also one of the big reasons why I’m currently working with some health folk to get testosterone; every time I cramp up the emotional and physical pain makes damn sure that I have the vigor and confidence required to crank through the process.
So, yep. Born female, not quite male, but damn sure I want hormones anyway, and mostly because of the cycle that I’d love to forget is happening right now.
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March 23rd, 2010 at 8:40 am |
For me, menstruation really messes me up emotionally. I don’t identify as male or anything, but I’ve never really embraced being female. Every other day of the month I can present and feel more androgynous, but as soon as I get my period my brain just goes crazy with conflict because my body is doing this very female thing, and my brain has a hard time reconciling that with my gender ID. I think that getting on testosterone in the future (a low dose, just for some minor changes) might really help me, especially if it makes my cycle stop.
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March 23rd, 2010 at 11:10 am |
Ohh, this is an interesting question. I’ve never really had a problem with my period; maybe because although I identify as genderqueer I’m lucky to be fairly comfortable in my female body. And I suppose I was raised with a pretty down-to-earth attitude to menstruation, and never really thought of it as some sort of symbol of femininity, so it doesn’t stop me from feeling or acting as androgynous as I like. To me it’s mainly a massive pain (literally ¬_¬) and physical inconvenience. I can definitely understand how it must be a big deal for some, though.
I’m racking my brains trying to remember if I’ve ever come across any resources that could be useful to you, but nothing’s coming up. I’d love to read this paper when it’s finished!
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March 23rd, 2010 at 11:16 am |
I suggest the profile of Fritz at xxboys, who talks about how he stopped T and began to menstruate again and how it wasn’t female. http://www.xxboys.net/profil.php?id=18 . don’t take my word for it.
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March 23rd, 2010 at 12:25 pm |
So, from the other side of the starting line.
I was born in a male body but I have attempted to simulate menstruation (best not to ask how) in order to better appreciate and understand a greater approximation of androgyny.
I am aware this may sound a little wrong and strange.
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PerfectDark replied:
April 5th, 2012 at 1:34 am
I would actually love to know how you attempted this, I want to try but have no idea where to start
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March 23rd, 2010 at 12:58 pm |
Ugh.
I hate bleeding.
I hate it because it’s a pain in the ass, and a pain in the uterus, and I’m just kind of uncomfortable with it.
I switched from tampons to a Diva Cup a few years ago. I like it a lot more, because it means I don’t have to think about the fact that I am bleeding. I can just empty it once a day, or so, and be on my way.
I think my discomfort roots from the fact that I would never identify as female-bodied.
I can talk about my uterus or vagina, but I would never say that I am a female-bodied person.
And menstruating strikes me as a female-bodied thing.
It’s not that I don’t want to ovulate, and eventually get pregnant and have babies.
It’s just the bleeding part that gets me.
Inncoherent, but how I feel.
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March 23rd, 2010 at 2:25 pm |
I just hate my period in general. It’s one of those really nasty really… everything that can go wrong goes wrong kind of periods. I identify sort of as a feminine boy in a girl’s body… and I have a very female body. I’ve very solidly separated sex and gender, however, and put my period with my sex. For me, my body and my period have nothing to do with my gender.
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March 23rd, 2010 at 2:34 pm |
I love having my period. I feel like it reconnects me with my body. I try to retain body positivity and spread it around, because it makes me sad when people say they dislike their period.
I take time during menstruation to be good to myself, to enjoy my body and praise myself. If you have to have it, why not like it?
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March 23rd, 2010 at 2:42 pm |
I agree especially with Rhube, ChairmanWow and Beth, but for different reasons. I’m not quite sure how I identify (I’m thinking genderqueer is probably accurate, though), but as Rhube says I too am relatively comfortable with my body and my period. They’re just two facts of life that I can’t do too much about (short of spending TONS of money I don’t have to fix things to my preference, whatever that may be). The only problem with my period is that lately my hormones have gone crazy, in the sense that I start to really hate myself in my various forms; if it’s not my body that I hate, it’s my inside self. It makes self-identification and self-acceptance really hard for me for probably half of each month. I too try to separate my body from my gender/internal being, but when my hormones go on strike then it makes me have guilty or self-loathing feelings about the whole thing and in general makes life pretty depressing.
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March 23rd, 2010 at 3:18 pm |
I’ve found it easier since being on the Pill – it’s shorter, expected, and pretty much painless. Definately lets me feel more androgynous, as it’s no longer distracting, worrying or at all an issue.
Before then it was unexpected, annoying and the raging hormones that occured with it would knock my self confidence so low that I wasn’t happy with how I looked and used to try and force myself to look more masculine/feminine than normal, in an attempt to make up for it.
So glad that feelings gone away :)
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March 23rd, 2010 at 3:25 pm |
I remain fairly apathetic on my period.
I used to capital-H Hate it, but I’ve been getting increasingly more comfortable with it as time goes on, I think mostly because I’ve been connecting with the feminine / female parts of me lately…and besides that getting my period makes me feel witchy! (connected to the moon and the tides and the Earth’s movements in general.)
And I agree with Rhube, the DivaCup is a blessing and a half fuss-wise. Much recommended.
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March 23rd, 2010 at 4:42 pm |
I have PCOS and so sometimes my body allows me to go months at a time without remembering that I menstruate, and sometimes I go weeks at a time menstruating. My period itself doesn’t bother me, really what bothers me has to do with my discomfort in bathrooms — normally, I avoid using public, gendered bathrooms as much as I can. I use my friends houses or my own apartment bathroom if a gender-neutral one isn’t available. But my period knows no restraints, and if it demands a bathroom break, I can’t deny it. It’s not really that I even mind being forced to use a “female” bathroom, it’s that I’m not being allowed to use it inclusively. I can’t just choose to use it because it’s there, and choose to use a “male” bathroom some other time. That really irks me. Also, I tend to present on the masculine side of any gender I perform, and I don’t carry a bag of any sort. Shoving sanitary products in pants pockets and slipping them up sleeves is such a pain in the ass, but I dislike letting people see them because I like it when there’s an air of mystery about what gender I might be and when people see tampons they are instantly tipped off.
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March 23rd, 2010 at 5:18 pm |
Up until recently, I was on depo provera for birth control, which means I was blissfully without a period. This helped with my identity a boatload, as I didn’t have a monthly reminder of exactly how female-bodied I really am.
My periods make me very ill (flu-like), so when I actually get them, at least the first day I’m stuck in bed, usually cursing my genitals for causing me so much discomfort and sickness.
You might consider the Bible. I believe the period was God’s curse to Eve for eating the fruit, but it’s been years since I’ve looked it up.
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March 23rd, 2010 at 5:40 pm |
Averaging out my gender comes to something fairly masculine-androgynous biofem – i.e. tomboy or a boi. I dress kinda soft-butchish – y’know, stereotypical lesbian plaid and jeans, but it all looks really tomboyish or small-gay-boy, especially ‘cos I’m short. There are times, though, when my identity shifts all the way over into OMG I’M A DUDE and that’s when I go EWWW. BOOBS. EWWW. UTERUS. EWWW. NO PENIS. EWWW. PERIODS. Other times it’s just like, hey, boobs, okay, no penis, I can deal, but it kind of bothers me a little. Sometimes I’m like HELLYEAH WOMAN POWER. So I’m fairly ambivalent about my period in regards to my gender. Even when I’m feeling like a guy it’s less of an OMG FEMALENESS GET IT AWAY and more of an EW, BLOOD SEEPING FROM PLACES I DO NOT WANT and gross-out over the whole…ew of it all.
In regards to my body, I really don’t like it either. It’s gross, it’s disgusting, changing pads is a pain, sleeping absolutely rigid so the bed doesn’t end up looking like a prop from the Godfather is also amazingly annoying. Never mind that due to Issues about sticking things anywhere inside my vagina I kind of wince at even the thought of tampons/anything else. I don’t get major cramps, but the hormonal crazy it stirs up in my head means that every month I have a few days of what I call menstruangst. (Menstrual angst -> menstruangst, geddit? :D) So it’s basically nasty. I Do Not Like.
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Rinn replied:
April 5th, 2012 at 4:54 pm
This is so amazingly accurate to my life I can’t even.
Also, I often tend to have my most masculine days WHILE on my period, which is the most frustrating thing ever. Actually came out to a friend via a rant about that….. She was understanding about my queerness and then, like any good friend, laughed at my pain.
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March 23rd, 2010 at 5:51 pm |
I hate my period. The best qualifier of my identity would be genderqueer, but passing male and feeling male is a huge part of it for me. Getting my period makes that hard for me – and my period hormones aggravate my physical disability, making my life harder in general.
I deal with it in a variety of ways. It’s a lot easier since I started using a menstrual cup. I use my cup and wear my favorite cotton boxer briefs and probably overcompensate a lot.
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March 23rd, 2010 at 6:17 pm |
I LOATHE having a period. When I’m bleeding from my leg or somewhere I can just put a band aid on it and fix it, but when I’m bleeding from ‘down there’ it just reminds me that it’s gonna take much more than a band aid to fix THAT problem. I remember being absolutely horrified when it first started. I literally cried and avoided telling my mother for days until she figured it out. It was the dreaded sign that I was “becoming a woman”, whatever that means, and I just didn’t want it to happen. Ever. I still don’t. Every month is a violent reminder that no matter what pronouns I use or how tight I bind my chest (don’t even get me started on that.), I’ll never get that Y chromosome I should have been born with.
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March 23rd, 2010 at 6:45 pm |
I, like Coury, have PCOS so I never know when it’s coming. Every time I’m not just surprised, but shocked like I forgot that it could happen to me. I am comfortable in my body because I think of it as a boy’s body. I have Man Boobs and Man Hips and a Mangina. But I can’t really conceive of a Man Period. It’s not horrible, it just catches me off guard and makes me almost disappointed in my body somehow, like I told it not to do that and it didn’t listen.
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March 23rd, 2010 at 6:46 pm |
I just detach it from everything, so it’s no longer this very female thing that happens to bio-women, it’s my totally hardcore werewolf time! And anyone can be a freaking werewolf!
(Get it? if we were away from artificial light, periods would synch with the moon, and what else is synched with the moon? Werewolves :D)
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March 23rd, 2010 at 7:28 pm |
Cool to see I’m not by any means the only one who’s had a way easier menstural experience since switching to a menstrual cup. I also have cloth pads that I use: some are rainbow striped (gay pride!) and some are green with dragons (not at all girly!), so I don’t have to feel at all feminine about bleeding.
I *hate* having to wear girl-panties with my pads instead of my usual boxers, but aside from that it’s not big deal.
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March 23rd, 2010 at 11:07 pm |
I’ve never really had a problem with my body, and ID more as a mix of masculine/feminine, so I’ve never really had a problem with menstruation. I see it more as something my body does, then as something females do…
And I think bleeding for a week is pretty savage. >:O
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March 23rd, 2010 at 11:33 pm |
gross. menstruating is the worst. i also have pcos. it is very erratic even after i got on my meds. i hate bleeding. i hate the cramping and pain in my back. i feel like i’ve been run through. i wish i could get the lady parts out of me.
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March 23rd, 2010 at 11:37 pm |
Hey. I’m a trans guy, and I actually like menstruating. It’s kind of cool, if you think about it, just this monthly reminder of all the biological processes at work in my body. One thing I wonder about going on testosterone is whether I’ll miss menstruating.
I like to think that it’s pretty manly. I mean, it involves blood and it has the word ‘men’ in it. What more could you ask for?
I bet Chuck Norris menstruates.
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March 24th, 2010 at 12:14 am |
Tamworth, I totally agree with you re: how much of a PAIN periods are. (And I’m bizarrely glad that I’m not the only one who has to sleep in a totally fixed position, oh my god.)
I’m bi-gendered, usually a girl, but even on days when I’m a guy I don’t mind being female-bodied. When I get my period is pretty much the only time I wish I weren’t– especially the first couple days, I HATE being female and feel totally unclean. Weirdly enough, sometimes presenting as a guy makes me feel better about it.
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March 24th, 2010 at 12:51 am |
I’m not that bothered by my period. While I’m not totally at ease with my body, I can mostly accept the parts that don’t get seen and don’t affect how I fit in clothes. I don’t know that I’d miss my period, but there are a couple things I like about it, actually. Hormonally, it’s actually a good time for me, for some reason.
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March 24th, 2010 at 1:13 am |
Honestly it doesn’t bother me. It may confirm my sex but it does not shape my gender in any way. I’m fairly indifferent about my period. I only have to put up with bleeding for a few days and then I have the rest of the month to myself. To be honest I get more fussed about my boobs than my period.
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March 24th, 2010 at 4:51 am |
I identify as androgynous-positive, wishing to possess traits of both female and male. I was born female, but with a hormone “disorder” (I prefer “trait”, really), where my body manufactures irregular and often similar quantities of oestrogen and testosterone. As such, I don’t menstruate more than once or twice a year (at the absolute most, I average once a year). At first, I really loathed that once a year when it did happen, but as I’ve aged it’s helped remind me of the subtle gender balance that exists both in my mind and my body. I don’t wish to be completely male, and that sporadic visitor is an almost refreshing reminder.
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March 24th, 2010 at 7:41 am |
Very interesting question! Perhaps you could link to your paper when you finish it?
I loathed getting my period for two primary reasons: 1) it was incredibly painful and debilitating, and due to a medial condition, would generally last 25 days at a time (truly! there were many months where it lasted 30 days, continuously), and 2) it reinforced the fact that my biological sex was incompatible with my mental sex. Fortunately, I was able to get some surgery that put an end to the periods forever.
Oddly enough, once that happened, I was better able to coexist with the dissonance between my biological and mental sex (since it’s not possible for me to transition).
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March 24th, 2010 at 10:41 am |
My partner has horrible periods, perhaps not quite as horrific as Micah describes, but one thing she hates most about the sordid ordeal is not being able to think. Or if you can think, you get stuck on one thing and can’t think about anything else. The occasional bouts of irrational fury are fun, too.
It kind of reminds me of what they told us about acne: “oh, you’ll suffer from it in your teens, then your complexion will clear up.” Crap. I haven’t been a teenager for almost 35 years now and I’m still waiting for that clear complexion I was promised.
“Menstruation is part of the miracle of life, it is a beautiful thing, a life-affirming experience.” Good for you, if you feel that way. To me it has always seemed like one of those biologically necessary compromises – the best nature could come up with to accomplish a set of necessary things without screwing up everything else too bad. Kind of like out kooky spinal arrangement – yeah it’s nice to have hands, but something like 95% of humans experience significant back pain sometime during their lives.
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March 24th, 2010 at 1:08 pm |
Jason Barker does a show about his relationship to menstruation – maybe you could contact him.
http://www.jasonelvis.co.uk/performance.html
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March 24th, 2010 at 1:12 pm |
I think one source that would be interesting to look at is Tamora Pierce’s first book “Alanna: The First Adventure”. It’s a fantasy with a female character training as a knight while disguised as a boy. In a somewhat rare move for teen fiction, Pierce actually mentions her first period and how it messes with the dynamics of her disguise, but she is still able to overcome it. It would just be something worth looking at.
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March 24th, 2010 at 1:18 pm |
@Jessica — “To me it has always seemed like one of those biologically necessary compromises – the best nature could come up with to accomplish a set of necessary things without screwing up everything else too bad.”
Not quite the best option, actually. Menstruation beats estros (going into heat) hands down, but rhinos really have it lucky. They only ovulate *after* copulation. Lucky bastards.
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Adelene replied:
November 15th, 2010 at 10:06 pm
Rabbits are set up that way, too. The downside to it is, if they don’t copulate on a regular enough basis, they have a much higher risk of cancer than animals with cyclic ovulation.
(Ferrets have it the worst, though, I think. They go into heat and only come out once they mate. If they don’t mate, they get anemic and die.)
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March 24th, 2010 at 2:13 pm |
Speaking of periods I just got mine today. I don’t hate my period, but I don’t like it either, we just get along.
The first day the cramps and lower back pain are really bad, so I take pain killers and take it easy. I have nicknames for my period my favorite two are ” the girl thing” and ” The joys of womanhood”.
I don’t like to blame it on the hormones but I do get really cranky, emotional and sentimental. Also my body gets tired and I have to slow down. I was born female, periods are part the package. My female body has being doing its thing for 14 years now, so I have learned to accept it.
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March 24th, 2010 at 3:11 pm |
I’m intersex, and my particular condition (complete androgen insensitivity syndrome) prevents me from having a period, since I don’t have the internal equipment to make it happen. When I identified as female when I was younger, I sometimes desperately wanted my period not because I really wanted to BLEED, but because I wanted to be able to identify with biofem individuals in a way that I couldn’t.
Now? I freaking LOVE not having my period. I also never wanted any children, anyway, so it’s alllllllll good.
[Also, hey, Claudius Maximus! Fantastic first name ya've got there! ;) ]
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March 24th, 2010 at 4:15 pm |
i am female, and identify as such. i don’t naturally produce progesterone on my own, and until i figured out what was up, i had my period for over 3 months straight. so now i am on hormones to even the keel, and i am just thankful that i get it once a month for 5 days, and i am not in menopause. basically i am on hormones to do what my body ‘should’ do naturally. and i like the idea of being a werewolf, well played.
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March 24th, 2010 at 5:19 pm |
I hated them since the first time I got them. I first went on a normal birth control which made them short and painless. After a few years I had to change pills for medical reasons, and I got ones that have as a “side effect” to stop your periods. When the doctor told me that I was ecstatic. I have been on them since then and period free! I would not stop them for anything in the world and when my doctor asked me why, because having no period was the status of menopaused women, I told her “no, it’s the status of men”.
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March 24th, 2010 at 5:32 pm |
I hate it. I hate, hate, hate it. Not only is it inconvienient and hideous, but I also suffer from iron deficiency from bleeding so I require more sleep than usual and eat like I’ve been starving. My body goes haywire. Its so hard to explain how horrible it makes me feel; I never want children, I never want to be pregnant and the whole thing feels pointless and messy. I also really resent having to spend money on pads and suchlike, especially as it is entirely involuntary. That and the ruined underwear/pyjamas.
I also hate it when those who haven’t experienced it make jokes or stupid comments about it, the whole situation is vile and I genuinely admire those of you who can deal with it and even feel empowered by it. I’m sick of feeling uncomfortable and suffering way before and after the fact. :(
I would be really interested in reading your paper when its complete if you can link it to us on here :D
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March 24th, 2010 at 10:49 pm |
Lanthir those cloth pads with dragons and rainbows sound awesome, where did you get them?
my relationship to menstruation changed with the keeper cup, i love that thing. I hated buying the products plus i always leak with tampons and pads. the keeper cup is a lot more clean and contained and cheaper too. I love it. I guess what I didn’t like about my period was the feeling of not being free, like always needing to carry products around or thinking about timing and spending money on products and the ecological disaster that is tampons and pads and this and that and a lot of that is gone since I got the keeper cup.
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March 25th, 2010 at 12:58 am |
I hate and despise my period because I hate and despise having to bow down to the demands of my body. It bleeds and I can’t ignore it or pretend it’s something other than what it is. I hate the fact that this body desperately wants to reproduce and that there’s really nothing I can do about it, short of pills that trick the female body into thinking it’s pregnant OR removing the organs altogether, both of which I am loathe to do ):
MENOPAUSE WILL BE MY CROWNING GLORY :D
I’ve tried to view menstruation as a big ol genderfuck all by its lonesome and almost succeeded, but once I got it I was just hit with waves of revulsion, annoyance, and disgust all over again.
I don’t know. I feel kind of guilty for being so disgusted with menstruation because I’m not sure if it’s misogynistic or patriarical revulsion (like how in textbooks uterine lining is negatively refered to as deteriorating then shed, rather than positively refered to as regenerating or something like that. Or how menstruation in general is looked upon specifically as disgusting by the mainstream as opposed to a natural thing some bodies just do :/)
Also, AAAAAAARG I hate when menstruation/ability to bear children is refered to as a gift too. HOW IS IT A GIFT IF YOU DON’T WANT IT?
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March 25th, 2010 at 5:38 am |
@ Epinards –> I totally agree with you about menstrual cups! I have a leak maybe once a years if I completely forget that I’m on my period, and I love being able to be more environmentally friendly. I only used disposable products for about a year before switching over to more eco-friendly options.
As to my pads, the rainbow ones I got from http://lunapads.com and the dragons I got from http://www.etsy.com/shop/Randumosity
I’ve had them all for quite some time, so I don’t know if those particular fabrics are still available, but there are sure to be cool, not feminine options.
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March 25th, 2010 at 5:51 am |
@Rin: Wow, what are the odds of there being TWO bigendered people who like to be called Rin here? (It’s something of a nickname of mine, based on the Japanese pronunciation of Lyn.)
I’m male-bodied, though, so… I can’t say I have much to say on the subject at hand.
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March 25th, 2010 at 9:45 am |
@Lyn – wow, crazy! :D That is such a neat coincidence! (I decided my name was Rin before I knew it was a Japanese name… then when I started studying Japanese a couple years later I was pleasantly surprised.)
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March 25th, 2010 at 10:26 am |
I am female and had a hysterectomy at age 27, on the pretext my periods were making me ill..which was true…was lucky that I found a surgeon willing to do this when I had no children etc. This was a huge, huge relief and I have never regretted it…..I now feel right….I don’t identify as male or female but like certain traits of both but felt my uterus was utterly alien and shouldn’t be there!!!
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March 25th, 2010 at 11:36 am |
@??????You wanna take this conversation elsewhere? You can e-mail me, mrs (dot) moonbunny (at) gmail (dot) com. :)
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March 25th, 2010 at 11:36 am |
@Rin: Aw, comment box doesn’t support Unicode.
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March 25th, 2010 at 8:45 pm |
I’m female-bodied and genderqueer, and honestly it doesn’t bother me as far as identity. It used to be a giant physical ordeal until I was put on the Pill, very unpleasant, but I don’t remember it ever messing with my identity. It’s just something my body does, same as digesting food.
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March 26th, 2010 at 4:23 am |
I… am meh about menstruation. My body’s not as androgynous as I’d like, a little too feminine for my taste, and when I get my period it just makes me feel tired and impatient and, well, damp. I’m lucky enough not to be troubled by very severe cramps, but I think the proof of the pudding is, as they say, in the eating: since starting Depo-Provera (the female contraceptive injection) last year I haven’t had a single period, and god, it’s freakin’ brilliant.
Unfortunately one day soonish I’m going to have to stop the Depo-Provera; much as I love the effects, I’m not too fond of the idea of possibly permanent bone loss. My heart will break when I next bleed from my vagina.
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March 26th, 2010 at 1:51 pm |
In case you haven’t already come across it, there’s a post about menstruation on the rather wonderful Genderkid blog
http://genderkid.wordpress.com/2009/06/07/one-mans-menstruation/
The comments are worth reading too.
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March 26th, 2010 at 4:41 pm |
I hate it, and I tend to do something rebellious to my appearance; every month. This month I borrowed my housemates clippers and shaved my head – irrational it may seem – but it felt right to me. What will I do next month? Who knows.
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March 26th, 2010 at 8:25 pm |
I identify as genderqueer, but I find it kind of comforting, actually. I’m lucky in that I get deep, aching cramps, but nothing else. That sort of deep ache reminds me of bruises, and I’ve always kind of liked having bruises…
Also, I’ve heard several times that if you get too stressed out to function, or if something else is *horribly* wrong with you, your period stopping is one of the symptoms. So I kind of view it as a little message from my body: “You’re still physically fine, even if you’re mentally in pieces, sometimes. Everything will be okay.”
And it seems like a unique strength that female-bodied people have. If we can bear this pain every month, then we are that much stronger for it.
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March 27th, 2010 at 6:00 am |
one word…
wrong
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March 28th, 2010 at 10:28 am |
The only thing my period gives me is that I’m more prone to headaches/migraine when I spend too much time in public transport or badly ventilated lecture rooms. (Too bad I spend too much time in public transport almost every weekend.) Headaches I can live with, and most of the time I don’t even realise when I have them.
I used to really hate the bleeding and the whole kerfuffle that goes with that, and I still have to be really careful with replacing my pads in time or it will become a disaster. I tried tampons for a while, but unlike my period as a thing, they do make me feel uncomfortably hyperfemale.
I have no cramps or nausea or back pain or anything, so I’m lucky. The only thing that bothers me about periods is that the parts of your life you might need that part of your body for just seem to be best put on hold for a week.
But I know I do want to have children someday, so I taught myself to live with it. Most of the times.
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April 3rd, 2010 at 1:11 pm |
I love my period. At times.
When I have it feeling masculine, it messes with my masculinity, messes with my head, but makes me feel special.
When I feel most feminine, it just messes with my head.
When I feel beautifully in the middle, I LOVE the bleed. It makes me feel so womanly, so manly, so neither.
It makes me feel me.
(unless I have cramps)
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April 9th, 2010 at 8:54 pm |
A few years ago I was told I had PCOS and my periods were very hard to come by. This was after a year working in a construction job and HATING the way my bosses treated me like the little girl of the crew. I had a lot of anger about the whole situation and tension about being female, and I think it was mostly the anger and my trying with all my might to be as good as the boys that resulted in my ovaries being all locked up.
All that crap came to the surface over several months of recovering from that shitty job, and my periods came back, and these days I am very happy when they show up on a regular basis. I do have to say, like the others, getting the Diva Cup is the best thing I have done in that regard. Easy to forget about, no trash, no regularly scheduled dispensing of my income to corporations just for paraphernalia to soak up my blood.
The only other thing I have to add is that when I have awful cramps on a day that I am feeling boyish or the need to be tough, or when I have to be doing harder physical work, it just makes me feel disjointed… to be all weak in the middle but outwardly appear unperturbed.
I sometimes wish I had a boy’s body but the fact is I was born with a girl body that functions like a girl’s body should, and I think that would stop me from ever trying to become more physically masculine. I would be so anxious that I would be messing up my physiology. I’m very sensitive to things, and I wouldn’t want to screw up the way my body runs. So I’ll stick with this girl body for this lifetime around.
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April 18th, 2010 at 6:47 am |
Since I am unable to go on a hormone like testosterone, I would be willing to try Seasonique (four periods a year) or something… maybe if I can work up the courage to go to a gyno about it. In the past, a birth control pill messed me up royally, so I may not do it again.
As for if periods mess me up? Yes. I don’t get suicidal anymore, but I need vicodin in secret for the severe pain and I need to lay around and not be seen by anyone. (and no advice will help, I am IS and believe me- none of your female remedies are gonna work on this one)
:P
The idea of having to wait until menopause to kill this thing is just something that totally sucks. But it’s a lot cheaper than going on hormones and having surgeries… which I would actually become neutrois if I could. I’m so sick of the gender thing I get every month where I fall apart from this stupid “gift.” It’s not a gift when it’s so horrible that I would have to transition to get rid of it. Apparently severe pain without cause is not a good reason to get the offending organ removed before I have kids- don’t even get me started on that. Having a period is useless when you aren’t going to have kids. And I can tell you this- I am NOT having kids unless I use sperm… my own, btw.
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May 16th, 2010 at 10:43 pm |
I hated my period when it first came at 13. It gave my body a girlyness I didn’t want and didn’t feel.
In my 20s I was on the pill so didn’t have much of a period at all. In my 30s I went off the pill and hated my period again. In my 40s my period started to be really unbearable, overflowing a super plus tampon in about an hour and a half. A couple times I had to go home in the middle of the day because of a serious blowout that went all the way through my jeans. It got to where I couldn’t give blood because I would flunk the iron test. And then there were the cramps, lasting a week along with the heavy bleeding. I tried BCP again, also NuvoRing, but both of those just gave me two periods a month. Seriously, I couldn’t tell the breakthrough bleeding from the period.
Six months ago I had Novasure endo ablation, and I am ecstatic with the results. Now I have no period at all, or just a tiny smear of a discharge. Not having periods makes me feel more comfortable in my body. I can be my true androgynous self without having to worry about my stupid uterus exploding all over my clothes.
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May 23rd, 2010 at 6:05 pm |
I hate getting or even talking about my period because of how it made me feel like a female. I don’t identify as male, but as both (or neither, I’m not too sure yet). I’ve been lucky in that respect though, because my period seems to feel the same way and I rarely get it. In the last 4 years I’ve had it maybe 5 times. I went to the doctor after a year of not getting it, had blood and urine tests as well as an ultrasound but apparently there’s nothing wrong.
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June 9th, 2010 at 9:36 pm |
Lanthir,
I love that you wear pads. It’s lovely to want to cry wearing girl-panties with you’re pads. Which I love that you wear pads, is that I love too see the waistband of you’re girl-panties appear appear above you’re pants or shorts and you see my boy-briefs appear above my pants or shorts. I only hold my underwear party with you wearing pads, which I love too see you in you’re girl-panties and you see me in my boy-briefs.
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July 29th, 2010 at 9:23 am |
oh my i hate every change that had occured in my body
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November 15th, 2010 at 1:49 am |
i have it right now. and it’s really messing me up. i just want it to stop. i cannot bear the idea of more than 30 years left with this. not only do i have to deal with up to 5 days of pms but then i have another 5 days of hating my body. it just reminds me of my sex and how it doesn’t match with my gender. i’m 18 and have recently moved to san francisco. the option of taking T has just become a possibility for me. the more i think about it, the more i want to do it. it’s scary because of the health risks involved, but i’m feeling more and more like it’s worth it.
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November 15th, 2010 at 6:22 am |
I hate the fact that I menstruate. It feels completely unnatural to me, even though I’m ok in my female body and don’t identify with either gender. But to me it just feels very humiliating and just as if something is not right with me. I also don’t seem to be affected by any mood hormones, so I’m more like `WTF??’I'm not sure whether I want to have children some day, but if I could have someone else have them for me I’d definitely would want to get a hysterectomy.
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November 15th, 2010 at 3:30 pm |
I dread getting my period…but I resist that feeling as well in the off chance it’s just a symptom of our sexist culture. I’d go on birth control to regulate and tame my discomfort, if I didn’t think that in some way the pill is less liberating that everyone thinks it is. It regulates female hormones…I don’t want to be regulated.
Getting my period deepens the connection and solidarity I feel with all other women. It is a unique combination of pain and possibility that I dislike but couldn’t imagine my identity without…no matter how genderqueer I may be.
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November 15th, 2010 at 6:08 pm |
My period is terrible. I’m on an extremely high dosage of Naproxen, and if it doesn’t work, I’ll have to look at options like birth control.
I typically present as female, but more often than not I wish I had a handle down there. o___o The most frustrating thing (besides the physical pain) is how HORNY I get. Gah. Sexual things are awkward for me to begin with, but it’s really quite a bother when the day before and for a few days afterwards, all you want to do is fap. :/ The physical act of menstruation never really bothered me, however.
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November 15th, 2010 at 6:23 pm |
My family already believes I can never truly be male because I wasn’t physically born male. I try to hide my period and cycles from them so they never get to say “boys don’t have periods,” and I’ll never have to reply “I wouldn’t have as many if I were on T.”
I guess I should be confident about every part of myself going into transition – but that’s the point of transition – some things don’t work for me and need to be changed. I hate having to buy “lady-stuff” at the drugstore, it’s a real confidence killer.
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September 9th, 2011 at 7:06 pm |
I haven’t read any of the comments but here’s my answer.
I’m a genderqueer female bodied person.
I have loved my period for the past eight years, before that I dreaded it. I had an absent mother and learned most of what I know about women’s issues from the school nurse and my friends. I have never used tampons, I could never get them in it always hurt too much when I tried, so while in middle school I mostly resorted to pads. I found the wrappers embarrassing and felt like everyone could smell me when my time came. Fortunately, I have only experienced cramping two or three times since I started menstruating and it was during the start of puberty. I’m twenty-two now and I know the way my menstrual cycle affects me better than anything else about my body.
My menstrual cycle is regular coming exactly every 29 days and lasts 4; the first is heavy, second moderate, and the third & forth days light. When I’m bleeding I feel the joys of womanhood and also experience fairly extreme emotional lows as my period ends and the hormones start to change again.
I feel invincible in the middle of my cycle when I’m ovulating. In fact, it is those times that I believe I reflect most masculinely. I have few mood swings, I mildly elated, and act most confident more masculine in my demeanor. I’m also hornier than a rhinoceros ;D.
What changed eight years ago that caused me to love my womanhood and monthly bleeding? I discovered a device called the Diva Cup, it is magical! I haunted the forums of the livejournal menstrual cup community for almost a half year before I finally took the plunge and ordered one for myself (I also order cloth pads for backup – never have to worry about the wrapper sound again). The learning curve for a menstrual cup is steep but in my case well worth it. Perhaps you could look into it…I hope this was helpful.
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