Question: When do trans people realize it?

Quince asks…

When do people really realize that they’re trans? Most of the people I’ve spoken to have known their whole lives. I’m sixteen, and I just now discovered my true self. I feel as if I’m faking it, or that I’m doing it wrong.

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on August 2nd, 2010 at 08:00 am

Category: questions 236 comments »

236 Responses to “Question: When do trans people realize it?”

  1. Jo/e

    I’m 13 and i’m mtf transgender i realized 5 days ago i told my friend and she totally cool with it, as she is pans gender, and she got me some bracelets so she would know what pronouns to use. When i was younger i was always a tomboy and wearing my brothers clothes, as i never really like the shirts and skirts my mum got me. i’m pretty certain i’m going to go full out and have the operation when i’m 18 or i can leave my parents house but until then i’m not sure whether i should tell them just before, when i have the operation date or when i’m a bit older (14-15). Please tell me what you would do or what you think i should do.

    Katrina (now) Jasper replied:

    First, do extensive research to make sure you are indeed ftm, though you wrote mtf, which means male to female. Are you female, but wanting to be a male? After that, I think you should tell your parents, but give them small hints first before you come full out. If you don’t tell your parents and keep it to yourself, then you might go into depression. I can’t say much since I haven’t told my parents yet and I’ve known I am ftm for a year now. Once you have enough information, then you can do whatever you want to. Do whatever is comfortable for you.

    P.s. I’m hate dresses, skirts and girl stuff.

    Mel replied:

    I am 15 and ftm. I recently came out to my mom and she has been very supportive. If you think you are in any danger, DO NOT COME OUT. If there is no percieved danger, I suggest just going for it. Trust me, you will feel a lot better. If you have any questions, or just want to talk, you can email me at lawlietl1031@gmail.com.

    Mel replied:

    My email address has changed. You can now get ahold of me at: mellawliet1031@gmail.com.

    damien replied:

    im 12 turning 13 in 3 months and came out to my mom and told them that i might be bi becuase like both or gay becuase i look at boys and in my mind i think that guys hot i want to have sex and for women not that much
    also i want to try how it feels so i want to have a dildo iknow how to hide it and where spencers can i buy one

    damien replied:

    can buy one at my age plz asnwer?

    Anonymous replied:

    Yes you can buy one, idk where though

    sky replied:

    you can buy it at spencers or off amazon

  2. Katrina (now) Jasper

    I\’m 14 and born a girl. I looked back on some writing and pictures I drew in elementary school. What I found was very interesting. They consisted of gender confusion, bullying due to choice of clothing and a very sad looking little girl. I am now aware I\’m ftm (female to male) and my name changed from Katrina to Jasper. At school I\’m called that, but at home I have yet to tell my parents.

    AJ replied:

    Jasper, I think you are very brave. I am 30 and I have yet to face the people around me. I have felt as though I was a boy since I was a child. I didn’t realize this until I was reflecting on my childhood. I wish you the best of luck with your parents. Make sure they know the facts! :)

    I'm Alona, I hope to be called Allen replied:

    It is amazing to find out that there are so many other people out there that feel the same way as me. I wish I could tell my parents who I really am. But at least I have one friend who understands me, although it doesn’t really help.

  3. Jayce

    I recently, starting about a few days ago, began feeling a sense of dysphoria. I am a guy who is starting to question if I am a guy. I felt weird when a friend of mine, a transgender mtf, came back to school for the first time. She seems perfectly fine the way she is, but for some reason I felt jealous. This is not the first time I felt dysphoria. I felt this before in between 6th and 7th grade (I’m in 9th), about 6 months after puberty. I was doing “guy stuff” on the web when i found a picture of a woman. It wasn’t anything I hadn’t seen before, but I suddenly felt disphoric. I began to wonder what I would look like as a girl. I ignored the feeling and continued on with my life. But now, when I look back, I realize that every time I would make a wish when blowing out the candles, or on a shooting star, the first thing that would pop into my head would be to wake up in the morning as a female.

    Jayce replied:

    Now here’s my real problem, the only thing that feels wrong about me is my body. I think like other guys. I love video games and I am attracted to girls. I wear boys clothes because they feel comfortable. But I have been trying lately to cover my hair on my arms and legs with clothing and I have moved my hair onto my face in a feminine way when at school and I try to make my face look female by moving my jaw in a certain position. I am not sure if I am transgender because this feeling only started up again a few days ago. I am 15 years old and I don’t know what gender I am.
    I know that my train of thought can be hard to follow and that this isn’t an actual question, but can you give me any advice, thoughts, or suggestions on what to do?

    Willow replied:

    Hi Jayce, I am an 18 year old MTF who had dealt with similar feelings as you. During highschool around the same age I had only guys as friends, played video games for 12+ hours a day everyday, was attracted to girls, wore army fatigues,male clothes, and collected guns/airsoft guns. But I hated my body everyday and became very depressed over how I looked. I hated how hairy my body had become, how my nose looked, and was just felt terrible about having a male body. I even grew my hair out, as my mom always made me get super short haircuts. Your hobbies (video games), friends, clothes, sexuality etc doesnt define your gender identity, but instead how you feel on the inside. The most used question I heard asked is something along the line as “can you see yourself as the opposite gender in the future, and does it seem better?”. If you feel that you would be happier if you could change your body would you do it? While it may feel overwhelming trying to figure out your future and now even your gender identity you should be proud that you are becoming more self aware. You have a great opportunity as you are still young, so if you feel that you would be happier as a female you have the best chance for success. I would look into the transgender reddit and transgender forums and reading up on peoples stories of being transgender. Finally, if you are serious about this the best thing you can do is go to a therapist, while scary (especially talking to my parents at first) it became the best experience I had in my life of being able to communicate my feelings to someon
    e that cared, understood, and helped me on my path to transitioning. You have a lot of time, so dont think you have to rush this though.

    Jayce replied:

    Thank you. Thank you so much! This means so much to me because when I usually ask a question on websites like this, I get ignored. Thank you.

    Antonymous replied:

    Depends on whether that is just curiousity, your way to express your image, etc. Many cisgenders happen to try to identify or emphasize with the sex their opposite, some cis straight guys even paint their nails or use makeup because they feel it’s creative artistic and can highlight the beauty without the need to associate a particular gender with it, just like hair.
    Some clothes might look better on a typical male body but without the need to restrict the range.

    Anonymous replied:

    This feeling of confusion is more common than you think and it can really overwhelm people to the point where they seriously consider whether they really are who they are. But who you are is more than gender, so instead of trying to focus on the gender dysphoria, seek Jesus Christ with all of your heart, and I can tell you that if you ask Him to help you a lot of this concern about the gender will dissipate because who you are is really who you are in Christ Jesus. Yes, God made us a gender but you will be happy with how He made you the more you seek Him out in your life. Our brokenness is not due to some mistake that you think God made with you, but with our lack of relationship with Him until we become children of God through Jesus Christ. He is the only way truth and life, and I promise you if you take that step with Him, you won’t feel as much of a need to change your gender (like you really can’t anyway). Not saying all the feelings will go away, but they will not consume you and you can have Joy at the same time in Christ, and won’t feel the need as much to focus on gender confusion.

    I'm Alona, I hope to be called Allen replied:

    Religion is strange. I don’t believe it is related to sexuality or gender expression.

  4. Linkin

    When I was younger I went along with the girl stereotypes, but my mother would put my hair up and with in two mintues I would have taken my hair out. I must say I never liked making my own choices. I depended on others, that ended badly. I remember everyday after school when I was still in elementary school I would sit in front of my bathroom mirror and ask myself ” am I a girl? Or am I a guy?” I would sit there for hours on end asking myself that and then crying because I was so confused. And then in 7th grade I realized that I didn’t want to live up to the stereotype of a female and look at the boys around me and I would envy the guys and how free they seemed to be. I was always wanting the male body parts but I was to scared to ask for the baggy pants and baseball cap.i truly wanted to be a boy. But I have days ( very few) that I want to be a girl, these days are normally on my period, the week before my period the feeling of wanting to be a guy is strong then the week of the period I get a sudden hit of ” I’m still a girl…” And I’m left devastated for no apparent reason. I want to ask to get my hair cut but my parents won’t let me, what should I do?. My hair is an important part to feeling like a guy in my eyes. And also i don’t know how to make my parents understand that I want to be a guy

    TR replied:

    Just talk with some one whom you can trust and then talk with your parents and start with your transitioning….ì hope you are a TG. So good luck.dont wait,otherwise you will end up with depression…….Tc.

    Emory replied:

    I feel the same way! I am in the same boat as you right now! I did get a close relative to get my haircut short so maybe if you have someone you are close to and can trust to cut your hair or go somewhere to get it cut with them then your parents don’t have to be in it. My parents still don’t get it and my mom does not like my hair but I feel a little better.

    Anonymous replied:

    I don’t agree with these comments. I know how real gender confusion can be but why is the answer on this site always to just go ahead with it and change your body to align with the feelings that are going on in your heart and mind. I have had all kinds of feelings in my life, and I am thankful when I give this burden to God because I could have made such a mess out of my life if I just gave into my feelings all the time. No one on here suggests seeking God out in your life, and then seeing how you are doing afterwards. Most people who believe they are trans believe that God made a mistake with them, but God does not make mistakes. What do people think that God would make a mockery out of you like that and put you in the wrong body! I don’t think so. There’s more to this than most people care to research or understand. If people realized that there is evil trying to work against you to steal from you, then it would give you another perspective on this. To me the bible provides more alternatives than the liberal mindset that simply says give into your feelings. Feelings rule. They are our guide. Living like this is dangerous. Test it out and see if seeking God out in all of this genuinely will make you reconsider the decision to change your body. And who says you need to change your body? Why? You are hurting it with all the hormones and surgeries, etc. Can’t anyone see this. Seek out the Lord Jesus. He is the answer to your confusion.

    I'm Alona, I hope to be called Allen replied:

    Um I don’t think you even understand that people of a different religion than you or no religion at all might be visiting this site.

    Sawyer replied:

    Hello.

    I’m agnostic, and I have had periods in which I did believe entirely that there was indeed a Heaven and God and stuff. My dysphoria never receded, and neither did my anxiety (which is entirely irrelevant to this topic, but whatever.)

    Anyways, since you shared your views, allow me to share mine.

    Maybe God- or whatever may exist- had planned for us to learn vital life lessons during our transition, periods of confusion, and times of depression and such.

    Maybe we were meant to learn that we should be true to ourselves, but at the same time be logical in how we go about our relations. Maybe He (or it, or them, etc) had this all planned out, and we’re not being disgraceful by making our bodies- our /lives/- liveable and comfortable.

    Adrian replied:

    I couldn’t have described how I am feeling any better than how you described how you are feeling…If that makes any sense. I just wish I could have been born a boy, it would make everything so much easier

  5. I dont know

    Still trying to know if i am trans… I just think a Thousand times about it, and since i was 13/14 years old i know that if could chosen, i would be born woman. But i see some diference between this wish and beign trans: I don’t hate my penis, i think i could have a good sex life as man, sometimes i feel that i have some masculine traits. But i have some of transgender Dysphoria feelings everyday- I just hate my hair body, show my body to people around (Always with t-shirt) and, the worst, is beign in a gender role masc. I think like a woman, i wanna get friends of womans, i don’t wanna be in many masculine roles, but i am forced to… i feel like a loose a lot of socialization and female friends for this, ’cause i am still a guy, even beign feminine.
    So… it’s basically like this for me: I really wish i was girl, i feel and see the world mostly as a woman, if i would born again WITHOUT ANY DOUBT i will chose be female, but i dont know if i really want to transtioning. Maybe, if there’s little expectations for the genders roles, i could live in this body that i dont like but i dont hate at all.

  6. Lizzy

    I don’t really know if I’m transgender (FTM) I always felt like a girl. Until a couple months ago. The idea of boys clothes and everything they do makes me yearn to be a guy. I don’t like my body, I want a binder. I also don’t like the fact I have the genitals I have. I feel very uncomfortable in the clothes I’m in now..and I can’t see myself grow up into a women. I want to be a man in the future. I’m 12 at the moment but I’m turning 13 soon. Would that be described as transgender?

    Genevieve replied:

    I am in the exact position you are and I wish I new and I am 13 I have felt like this for 2 years (ftm)

    Kaleb replied:

    Heyy. I’m kaleb a 12 going on 13, ftm and I haven’t come out yet either and I also hated girly things and was very tomboyish. I can’t tell you that what you are feeling is correct but it really depends on how you feel inside.

    Anonymous replied:

    Don’t do it. Seek Jesus. Read some of my other comments. This is too much for a young person like yourself to take on. Give this burden to the Lord and just ask Him into your life and help you.

    Adrian replied:

    I’m religious, and I feel God has made me transgender for a reason. Everyone has their own path to walk, and this is mine. It may be difficult, but one day I’ll be able to look in the mirror and say, “this is me.”

  7. Danielle

    This is a difficult question to answer. For me ( ftm 16) I’ve known something was off but never new a word to put to it. I used to wear boy clothes when I was young and didn’t let my mom dress me up and I made accounts when I played games out of impulse, put my gender as male. I conformed to female stereotypes at around 6th/7th grade. The older I got the more depressed I was and didn’t know why, it runs in my family but I believe this caused it. I pretended to be males to make me happy online and didn’t know why I did it. When I walked in the hallways in my head I pictured myself male. At around 14/15 I realized what transgender was and that I knew I was but I was still in some sort of internal denial and it took me 2 years to actually except it. Which is where I’m at now.

    Unknown replied:

    I’ve been really confused lately. Sometimes I imagine my self in certain situations if I was male. The urge goes away, but then it returns very soon. If I was told I could be a boy and my life would be the same except I was a boy, I would do it in a heartbeat. However, I don’t want to transition. The thought of that scares me and maybe it’s because I am young. I’m happy being female , but sometimes I wish I was born a boy.

    Anonymous replied:

    That is exactly how I feel. If I could be a boy, but nothing else would change, I would because I think that I would be happier if I had been born a boy. But sometimes I still think of myself as a girl and if I transitioned I don’t think that my life would get much better, because of everything I would have to go through with.

    Anonymous replied:

    ? am so glad so many people feel like me as üell.? am Ftm but have not transitioned.? neü i üas not a girl since i üas 5. but ? üould never come out to my parents there opinions of this or any thing üith being gay is not normal.

    Mazzy replied:

    Hola Anonymous,

    Just letting you know that there are many different gender identities that a person could be. If you sometimes feel like a girl, sometimes feel like a boy, and sometimes are a mix of both, or neither, you should look up the term ‘Genderfluid’! It may help you figure out how you’re feeling :)

  8. Unknown

    Someone please help me thank you

    Anonymous replied:

    Ask Jesus Christ to help you. No person really can help you with this. Seek the Lord with all of your heart mind and soul, and He will, I promise you, help you! He loves you!

  9. XylophoneGender

    Thanks for all the vulnerability and sharing, Genderforkers! These are scary questions to ask yourself, and it takes guts.

    If you’re still craving more support, *PLEASE* check out our forum page: http://discuss.genderfork.com/

  10. Nathan

    Can someone help me I am 12 years of age and I don’t know why but I have never had a desire to change my self but I want a vagina now I don’t know why I have really bad oc
    d and i use to cross dress but I don’t anymore and I just need help a am at the age where I can still take puberty supresents so please help

    XylophoneGender replied:

    If you’re looking for a supportive environment with other folks your age, check out https://www.trevorspace.org/

  11. Anonymous

    I am a twelve year old and I want just wish I was a guy. This may be unimportant but every time I make a video game character it was always a guy. I want to decide and come out before my menstrual cycle starts, because it hasn’t and I don’t want to experience that if I won’t for the rest of my life. I haven’t told my parents anything about this but I wear a guy’s t shirt and gym shorts every day and I wish my hair was short. But I don’t have the guts to tell anyone anything. It would be some much easier if one of my family members were gay or trans or even anyone at my school. I’m afraid of being judged by my friends (who are mostly guys) and my family members, especially my parents and my brother…. They’ll probably brush it off as a phase just like they did with my clothes… Well mom and dad that phase started at preschool and hasn’t stopped! You don’t have to bother with me… But if you will, please help me.

    XylophoneGender replied:

    If you’re looking for a supportive environment with other folks your age, check out https://www.trevorspace.org/

    Anonymous replied:

    Seek Jesus. Knock and the door will be opened for you. Most people think the bible is a joke, but test it out. Ask the Lord to help you genuinely, and He will. Ask Jesus into your heart, and He will change your life. The gender dysphoria will take a back seat to the joy that you will experience when you ask the Lord to be in your life.

    Anonymous replied:

    *cough*TROLL*cough*

    Seriously. This is not the place for you to behave in this manner. Let the kids figure themselves out and if they did want your religion I’m sure they would go hunt for it.

  12. Tony

    Hi! I’ve been wondering lately if what I’ve been feeling is real because a lot of people have been telling me that trans people know their gender their entire life, since they were young. I realized I felt male when I was 15. I came out to my mom and she wordlessly urged me to try harder to be female. It wasn’t the confusion or the disgust, but the disbelief that hurt me the worst. Soon after that I started dressing hella stereotypically female-more than before. I started wearing push-up bras, heels, and lots more make-up. It took me almost 6 months to realize I hated doing this with my body and that I was repressing the hell outta my gender identity. I’m now almost 17 and I recently came out (again) to my twin sister and when she told my mom, my mom told her that transgendered people should do whatever makes their parents happy. My sister was supportive with me but tried to tell me that transgendered people know their genders much earlier, their whole lives. She suggested that I may be gender fluid but I don’t ever feel female. I know I feel hella male, and I want to know if this feeling is valid.

    Jay replied:

    There is no age for knowing. I only realised when I was 18, I thought I was just a butch gay since I was 12. But something has always been missing. Trust me, you can’t invalidate yourself because of what age you realise it.

  13. Cal

    Some of these stories are exactly what I’ve been needing to hear, thank you all so much for sharing. I’m 17 and ftm (demiguy), I’ve been out as nonbinary for about 3 years and male for about 1 and a half. (I mostly identify as male.) But I never realized either of these, or even had a sense of them, until not long before I came out (to my friends, my parents were a while after). Whenever I talk to friends who are also trans about this, they usually say something like “Yeah, I never knew I was a different gender, but I always felt weird about my body/social role/wore my brother’s clothes/etc.” But I just feel more alienated because I never had that? I was pretty much a girly girl as a kid, I was really into fairies and princesses, loved purple and pink, I never had a problem with having long hair or wearing girl’s clothes. I never really felt dysphoric until high school. Even now, I sometimes enjoy wearing things like makeup, earrings, and high heels- as long as people still recognize me as male (that’s a BIG conditional). I can justify that with like “I’m just super gay/queer and I like crossdressing, nobody would use that to question my gender if I was cisgender,” but it’s the childhood part that I’ve really been doubting myself about. Everyone I talk to had SOME kind of sense of not-right-ness as a kid, if I didn’t am I really trans?

    Felix replied:

    I know exactly how you feel! Everyone I’ve spoken to says they sort of knew somehow before but I can’t really pinpoint a time where I felt specifically ‘male’/I felt I wasn’t right in my childhood, despite identifying as a demiguy for quite a while now. My dysphoria has only just kicked in since secondary school. My parents claim that because of this it’s unlikely that I’m actually trans, and it’s frustrating because I know what I am.

    Milo replied:

    This makes me feel a lot better actually. Because my whole life I was basically the definition of a girly girl. But now that i’m 13-14 (ftm) I feel more masculine. I’d rather be male then female. And for about 3-4 years I hated the body I was given. I didn’t like the boobs I was going to have, nor did I like my vagina. Talking about that stuff was embarrassing and full out replusive. And toady I wore masculine clothes. I never felt happier. But I still like my sweet scents and boots. Im still really confused because, my mom, whom id recently came out to, is saying that I havent gone through the struggle my whole life. That knowing what gender you’re supposed to be since birth is the only way you can identify as a male when you’re a female or a female when youre a male. Right now, I still see myself being happier as a guy, but I still like perfumes and lotions and all the colours of the rainbow. I really want to know if i can still be a guy?

    James replied:

    Hey! Ftm here. This needs to be said, and said loud. It DOES NOT MATTER when you discovered that you were trans. You can be ftm and lived happily as a complete “girly girl” when you were little, or Mtf and were the biggest fan of trucks and climbing and whatever else little boys are supposed to like. You could also have been a total tomboy (ftm) or loved princesses, frills, and pink (mtf). This makes your current experience NO LESS VALID, and makes you NO LESS TRANS.

  14. CS

    MtF trans here. For me, it was a whole life of hints and thoughts I buried down and tried to forget, living a rather normal life (although I wasn’t really happy with my male role in a relationships and other aspects of my life).
    The full realization came now, in my 30, when all pieces of puzzle snapped together (I have to thank to my trans friend for this, she really helped me to expose and express my feelings about this). Since then, I am much happier and looking forward to my transition. (and kind of angry at myself for not following my heart sooner)

  15. Parker

    I”m really confused. I really don’t know what my gender is anymore. When I was little I wasn’t really all that girly but I wanted make-up and painted my room pink. I was way into the fairy princess’ and I didn’t really put up a fight when it came to dress’. Now I’m definitely very masculine, I hate my chest, I envy friends of mine who are guys, I convinced my parents to let me cut my hair short. In preparation to come out to my family I have been taking a very hard look at my gender identity in the past. After noticing that from the ages of 2-11 I was very feminine it called my previous identity of ftm transgender into question. However my friend whom I just came out to, said something very interesting when I asked for her opinion. She said that she remembers me from as far back as 9 years old asking all of our friends if I would have been better off as a boy. This has just made me even more confused. And now I’ll have days were I really want to wear that pretty dress. I’m only 14 so maybe this could be a phase? I really don’t know anymore. Please help!

    Anonymous replied:

    Liking or disliking a colour does not say anything about your gender. The clothes you like to wear does not define your gender. You might be a trans-boy, or a demi-boy, or non-binary, you might be gender fluid or some other mix of gender identities. It’s okay to be confused, after all it is quite difficult to figure out your gender identity, if it doesn’t fit squarely with what society sees you as. Take your time. If all you can say right now is that you are not a girl, then that’s enough – you don’t have to decide what to call yourself, or explain something that you are still exploring. And if at some point you decide that “girl” is still part of your gender identity, then that is fine as well. Being 14 and figuring out who you are is complicated. Give yourself a chance to try things out and see what feels right for you. It’s okay to be unsure and change your mind in the process – anytime you realise you’ve made a mistake, you will have learned something, and moved closer to finding your own direction in life. Let yourself have fun playing around with things, if you can. Love and strength!

  16. (Currently) Michael

    Hello, My name is Michael and I am beginning to realise I could be transsexual or transgender (MtF) When I was around 5 I remember having “Girl Lesssons” with my sister where I would pretend to be a girl. I am now 14 and beginning to feel that way again. I feel I would be more comfortable in a body that doest have a penis and has breasts etc. I do not completely hate my body, but I am not 100% content with it. At the moment I’m still really confused about it all so I haven’t told anyone. Im just hoping somebody has any advice. Thank you very much.

    Michael.

    Jess replied:

    I feel the same apart from that I am FtM, if i even am trans

  17. Tobsy

    Guys, I would like to know something. I hope that whatever I ask now doesn’t turn out into a stupidity. Do these transgendered people (FTM) still get menstrual cycle even after the surgery? If yes then there is no sense of transgendering yourself. Last day I came across a blog http://www.ftmtopsurgery.ca/blog/transgender-rights/will-ftm-patients-still-get-menstrual-cycle/ which discusses on the same topic. Is anyone out here who has the experience on getting this surgery done because I think no one can better answer to my question better than an experienced guy.

    Tove replied:

    Hi Tobsy,

    Top surgery alone will not affect your menstrual cycle in any way. To stop it, you would need to either take testosterone indefinitely — which stops the cycle entirely — or have your uterus removed, which eliminates the organ that produces the tissue that you shed as part of your menstrual cycle.

    Micah at neutrois.me has written extensively about his hormonal and surgical transition: https://neutrois.me/category/transition/

    (I’m a non-binary person who has had their fallopian tubes permanently cut [tubal ligation] and is on continuous hormonal birth control to minimize menstrual symptoms. There are many ways to go about Not Menstruating if that is important to you.)

  18. I wish I could be Alex or Zan

    I started questioning who I was a year ago. I was assigned female at birth. When I was little I liked princesses and dressing up and my friends who were girls. I joined my middle school GSA in 6th grade and I started feeling really upset in a weird sort of way when someone called me a girl or told me to go to a girls locker room because that was the right one. I wanted to tell someone really badly. I started expressing really masculinely to try to clue people in; I cut my hair and I love having short hair so much. I thought I was gender fluid or agender. Lately I’ve been feeling more confused though. Sometimes I think I’m just a girl and I want to wear eyeliner and I made this up to be special. Sometimes I really want to not have my period and to not have a vagina at all(but I don’t really want a penis). I think how good i would look with a beard and daydream about it. I feel so confused when I look in the mirror or think about my future. It doesn’t help that I don’t really have anyone to talk to but what would I tell them? My GSA makes it worse because we have to say our pronouns and I don’t want to say female ones but I have to because I don’t have the bravery to come out. Does anyone have advise? has anyone gone through something similar?

    Mel Murphy replied:

    I’m not entirely sure how I can help, other than saying this: try using they/them/theirs pronouns. You may like it, you may not, but I believe that this would at least be a place to start. Good luck and I hope you find the answers that you’re looking for.

    -Mel

    Izzy replied:

    I have this sounds like my life you just have to asks your parents to put puberty on hol
    D

    oakley replied:

    hey!! I’m ftm and when i was little i liked feminine things too and i didn’t really realise i liked being a guy until last year and sometimes i think I’m faking it to be be special too but then I’m reminded that just because i want to be a bit feminine doesn’t mean I’m not ftm. ftm people do not need to prove their masculinity. i think it’s important to remember that gender identity and gender expression are different.

    Milo replied:

    This made me feel more comfortable! I want to be a guy really badly. (ftm) 13-14 but when I was younger I was everything heels and dresses. Now i hate those things. Hell, I even wanted to buy a suit. But I was scared what people would think. I often found myself straying into the man section of stores and honestly thought nothing of it. My mom told me that I can’t want to be a guy because I never acted that way as a kid. Today I wore masculine clothes and shoes and I never felt happier. My mother said that me wanting to be a guy is just me wanting to be special, and that im offending the transgender community. I’ll gladly go to counseling, but now that she got the idea of me hurting everyone is starting to scare me. I want to be a guy so bad, but now i’m terrified off offending all of you womderful people. Please help me. Am I really trans or am I just confused?

  19. Izzy

    Hey I’m a ten year old named izzy I’ve always been obsessed with boys even from about three I know I’m a boy in my heart but I need your opinion my grandma is the person I’m scared about telling she always is not accepting of gay and trans people should I tell her or not?

    Alex replied:

    Hi Izzy,
    I’d just like to say that I’m a few years older than you and I don’t even know how to tell my parents or anything let alone anyone who’s super homophobic/transphobic so if you figure it out let me know. I hope if you do tell her that it goes well.
    I’m with you bro.

    Anonymous replied:

    I’m 14 turning 15 soon and I’ve never felt quite right as a female, I mean I was raised with my mom labeling me as a girl, but I’ve never felt quite right. Everytime I’ve come up with the conclusion that I would be happier as a ftm, I start to cry and or get very scared. My mom isn’t against gays and neither Is my dad but I don’t know how they’d feel about this. I’ve came to the conclusion that female to male relationships are my forte and I’d be happier as a person who identifies as male and has a male partner. I’ve asked a few select friends to call me by he/ him. But at this age am I really ready for this? I’m scared of what people might think or that I’ll be judged because I identify as male but don’t plan on getting bottom half surgery.

  20. Anonymous

    I just realized 5 days ago that i want to change my body to a male im only 15 years old and i dont no what my parents wpuld think of it can you help me out?

  21. Anonymous

    I need some help because I am having a lot of trouble with myself lately.
    I am 15 years old and born a boy.
    The last 3 years something just didn’t feel right. I didnt like the way all hair was growing and I started not liking my body for what is was. the last 3 weeks have been really tough for me since the feeling has been pushing me into the ground. Last night I told my 2 closest friends that I don’t feel right about my body, myself and my life they accepted it since they are both homosexual and don’t judge that much.

    I feel like I should have been born a girl but there is just some things I can’t get over. I am just the typical guy who plays video games a lot, likes to have a laugh and goes out with friends.
    Although I feel like my body should be female, I feel like my mind shouldnt be.

    I hope there’s somebody who can explain or maybe talk to me

    Sorry if there is any mistakes in my grammar. English is not my first language.

    Anonymous replied:

    I’m sorry no one has replied to you yet – hopefully you will see this.
    There is nothing strange about being a girl and a gamer at the same time, liking to hang out with your friends and have a fun time. Girls do this just as much as boys and there is no such thing as a male or female mind.
    Since I don’t know where you are in the world, I can’t tell you where you might find someone knowledgable to talk to, but that’s what the internet is for – try searching for trans youth groups and counseling in your area. You might also consider talking to your family doctor, and checking out what kind of counseling might be offered at your school.
    I hope you find the help you need to figure things out and feel better about yourself.

  22. Kittie

    I am a 80 yr old trans-woman . I have been passed on to a specialist by my GP
    I am not sure what will happen in ,6 months when I see him next. I would like modest hormones. I CD when I can most evenings and underdress all the time but don’t want to go all the way. Your comments?

    Anonymous replied:

    Kittie,

    I think it is amazing that you are going to embrace your feminine side as a mature women. I am middle aged M continuing to struggle with the question of my identity, and I have found it difficult to relate to many of the younger people going through puberty and questioning their identity (sorry younger folks, nothing personal) so thank you for sharing!! I am engaged to a beautiful F who I just came out too and it didn’t go very well. It could have gone worse, but it could have gone better to. I feel like all my life I tried to find acceptance for who I am and one of my concerns is that I don’t want to get to the later part of my life and regret not embracing my female side… I am still working through it all and I was lucky to find a local therapist to talk too. Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you for sharing and I hope you will continue to share your experience with us.

  23. Anonymous

    Hi everybody,

    I’m a 16 year old guy and I am not feeling comfortable with myself at this point of time and think I might actually be a girl deep inside.

    The feelings started about, when I hit puberty and got stronger over time.

    When I started thinking about these feelings I thought back at my childhood. What I kinda “noticed” right away is that when I was little (talking about like 1 – 5 years old) I used to adore girl stuff. The girl stuff waved off because I was raised as a boy.

    The feelings are really having a negative impact on my life. I started isolating myself from a lot of things. When I go out to get something in the store or when I go into town, I always wear earphones and minimize contact with other people. At home I am in my room 90% of the time, playing video games or watching YouTube.

    I also hate the fact that I can’t wear the clothes I really want to wear. I am way to scared to get stuff from the girls department. My mom also doesn’t want me to wear beanies which makes me pretty sad but I also don’t really want to “disrespect” my mom.

    I really need someone’s opinion on all this
    I really don’t want anything like professional help or anything since I am already too scared to tell my family. The only people aware of my situation are a few really good friends.

  24. Anonymous

    I am 13 years old and for about a week now I have been watching transgender ftm youtubers musicallys and it made me question what if I was a boy. I don’t really speak to my parents about stuff that’s happening or how I feel a lot so I don’t know how to tell them I’m a very secretive person. I also go to a very judgemental school where I think the people around me wouldn’t understand not even my best friend I feel like I wouldn’t be accepted anymore. But I don’t know if I should consider it because I’ve never been big on dresses/skirts always jeans and a hoodie. And as a little kid I always played with toy cars and trains never that big on Barbie and stuff. Please help I’m confused about who I am and what I want to be ?

  25. Dani

    I am 34 years old, I have a very good career in a highly masculine and highly specialized field. I am at the point in my life that difficult psychological questions like gender identity can be absolutely devastating.

    Last week I had to make the admission to my wife of 5 years (together for 9) that I had gender issues and that I had been a closet cross dresser up until the end of highschool. It all resurfaced about a month ago in a pink landslide of girls clothes, wigs and body shaping silicone forms. Let me tell you, that is some stress that you don’t want to put yourself or your SO through. There is about a 70% chance that a hetero female will reject this kind of behavior, and a further 20% that she will be incredibly uncomfortable with it if she was never made aware of it before the union. I got very lucky because my wife is part of the incredible 10%. *note* i made up those statistics on the spot but I’ve read thousands of threads in the last 8 weeks.

    My advice is to seek therapy when you first have these feelings. I am going to my first session next week 16 years behind schedule.

    There is help out there now. You are not alone. Deal with it now when the repercussions are not so severe. If you build a life around someone you are not, you will regret it!

    That said always be you. It may take a bit but we all figure out who we are by the end =)

    Cheers

    Dani

    Mazzy replied:

    Congratulations Dani!

    it’s takes a ridiculous amount of courage to do what you’ve done and I wish you and your wife the happiest years yet :)

    Anonymous replied:

    Dani,

    Thank you for sharing! I turned to these blogs to try and find others who are in a similar situation, later in life, career, SO of multiple years… I am fortunate enough to have shared with my SO that I have and do question my sexuality, sexual identity, and how I want to live my life prior to marriage but now I have the long journey ahead to figure out how this is going to effect us in the long run and if we will stay together. I thought I could hide it from her as I had all my previous relationships but then again all my previous realtionships ended because I couldn’t be honest about this one aspect of myself. The irony is I would usually tell them after I broke up that I was BI, but that wasn’t the full truth either. It took me a long time to come to terms that, not only do I have a strong fem side but I love the girl inside me and I want her to have the opportunity to be seen and admired…. Anyways I could write for hours about this… Thanks for sharing.

  26. Andrew

    Mtf

    Guys I’m a guy and like guys. I am gay and I’m proud of my self but nobody knows if I tell people I always think I’m gonna be a laughing stock. I’m scared to tell my family

    Please don’t judge me I did not wake up in the morning and decided to be gay I was born like rt is

    F to M replied:

    Its ok your welcome here! even if people don’t like that you like guys, just don’t care, its not your fault what gender you like…Does your family have anything against gay people? if not tell them…but otherwise keep it to yourself… But if your family doesn’t support you.. I will personally kick their behinds… but anyway if they don’t they don’t deserve to be your family you cant fix what you cant help..

    I hope this helped you :)

  27. F to M

    Im only eleven years old and lately I’ve noticed that I’ve always really,really wanted to be a guy. (yes, I do know about s*x and all that stuff, since my mother doesn’t hide much) And thinking of having children, just isn’t for me. Also I always hate they way my chest looks, I always wish I didn’t have a curvy chest. I always pin back my hair when I’m alone and imagine what its like to be a guy. But, I do know I’m trans, and I’m scared that my family won’t approve. I’ve always been the silent type so I don’t have many friends, and anyway I don’t think they know about transgender people yet anyway… I don’t really have anyone to talk to…so will you please give me attvice ( or however its spelled)

  28. Gabriel

    So, I’m a 15 year old girl, and about two months ago I realised I thought I was a boy.
    Despite the fact I’m now confused and shocked at my own discovery, I am the happiest I’ve been in a really long time.
    The only thing wrong (apart from the fact no-one else knows I’m possibly a boy) is everyone I have heard of who doesn’t feel like their assigned gender has known since they were very young, or have felt different, wrong, or confused. For fifteen years I have been 100% sure I am a girl: I have loved dressing up, wearing make up, being girly and feminine etc. Am I just faking it, trying to be different, making things up? I’m worried I am just seriously overthinking things, but at the same time, the only future I see for myself is one where I’m a boy.
    Also, I do not want any surgery and I do not want to take hormones. I just want to wear a binder and come across as ably with male pronouns and a male name. Does this mean I don’t really want to be a boy?
    Thank you to anyone who replies whatsoever, I just don’t want to feel alone.

    Mazzy replied:

    Hey there Gabriel,

    Don’t worry too much about the being alone thing, As you can see from this website and the thousands like it, there are many, many people in the world who are facing similar situations and who feel the same way.

    What’s important for you to know is that your feelings are valid. Read that sentence, and then re-read it. You’re only 15 and that is still a pretty young age, it’s completely normal for you to only realise things about yourself now. There are plenty of people who only realised that they weren’t who they were “supposed” to be later in life. I myself am 18, but my Uncle has only just come out to the family as trans and she is 49!

    The dressing up and make up is something I can personally relate to, however,keep in mind that there are many men who wear skirts (Jaden Smith, for example) and makeup. As a fashion and beauty enthusiast, it’s important for us both to remember that clothing and makeup has no gender, and you can do whatever the hell you want :)

    Take your time with your emotions and your feelings, I’ve personally found that researching these issues is really helpful and can help you see the range of people that exist happily within this world that share similar experiences to you.

    As for the surgery and hormones, no, that does not make you any less of a man. At all. It’s your decision how far you choose to transition and how you choose to present yourself is your own business. Keep in mind, hormones and surgery are things you may change your mind on as you grow older and grow into yourself. As long as you recognise if your feelings on this matter change or not, then it shouldn’t be a problem for you. If, in future, you choose to take that step, then congratulations! As it is, the steps that you’ve already taken, (from recognising and acknowledging your feelings, to posting here asking for advice) are important ones that show how ready you are to accept yourself this way.

    Don’t worry about the faking it and making-it-up. There may be many people who will try to convince you that that is what you’re doing; however, at the end of the day, whatever you feel within yourself is something only you will understand. Your feelings have led you to this conclusion, so take courage in yourself and embrace who you truly are :)

    I wish you luck, and I hope you have fun on this journey!
    p.s. Sorry about using your name, I don’t know if you’ve picked a new name yet <3

    Theo replied:

    This is so me. For 16 years this have happemd to me to, I’m reasintly a demiboy who has changed name And birth certificate

  29. Savannah

    Im Savannah. Im 11 years old gonna be 12 in January. I want to be a boy. I have always felt like a boy and that their was on inside me but, im just stuck in a girls body. I’ve been hinting it to my mom but, shes like when your 18 you can do whatever you want. I told my bffls and they are cool with it. I got my hair cut short and that made me so happy :) . But I just wanna be a boy now any advise

  30. Honey

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