“Thiat” and a “Thast.”

Someone wrote…

People think they’re being invasive when they ask me questions some might consider “personal”— questions about my body, my gender, the way I look, think, etc. They don’t seem to understand I love being able to tell people there’s a different way of existing out there. Not everything is black and white, just “this” or “that.” There’s a “Thiat” and a “Thast” and every combination you can possibly dream up.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on April 18th, 2010 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 7 comments »

7 Responses to ““Thiat” and a “Thast.””

  1. Anonymous

    This! This this this is exactly what I feel. I love when people ask– I love when people are humble enough to say, “I don’t know” but interested enough to say, “I want to know.”

    I love little kids, because they don’t feel that stigma about asking, yet. They just put everything right out there. “Are you a boy of a girl? How can you be neither? Why is your hair short?” I wish adults were able to be more like that– innocent curiousity, wanting to understand the world better. I wish people would understand that a question is only rude if you say it with a snarl or don’t respect the answer (or lack thereof, if the person being asked isn’t comfortable talking about the subject). There’s nothing inherently rude about a question.


  2. Char

    This is interesting because people seem to think it’s normal and perfectly fine to ask me personal questions like I am some piece of meat- when it’s not, in any way, okay to ask me things like that.

    I’m fine with explaining my gender, but when the questions go into “what sex are you,” “what’s in your pants, because i don’t see how you can claim to be that physically,” I get noticeably upset. I’m sick of people looking at me and going, “whoa, why are you upset?” when they just asked me if I’m good in bed or something stupid like, “if you can’t be gay, then how can you love anyone?”

    I’m sorry but it’s NOT OKAY to encourage people to ask questions like that. Explaining it is fine, but I don’t see why anyone would encourage violations such as these. And NO, I am not “hyper-sensitive,” I have morals and personal space and I don’t see how being loose with what’s in your pants is okay.

    I’m not saying this to offend anyone, but no one speaks up about the right to NOT have your crotch examined every time you leave your house.

    In my frank opinion, too many people act like children and ask questions they have no right to ask. If a child wants to know, fine, I’ll answer because they may need to know. But to treat me like I’m a piece of meat or going to fulfill a fetish makes me come away feeling dirty- something I do NOT deserve when I’m not the one being disgusting.


  3. nick

    I find that people often think that they can ask transsexuals and genderqueer VERY personal questions without feeling invasive.
    If you like answering those questions, good for you. But personally, I get tired of co-workers asking me what’s in my pants (like it matters!) and what influence transition has on my sexlife (let’s find out, shall we?).


  4. Dru

    You see I would rather answer the “what sex are you?” question then the “what gender are you question?” (not that either particularly bother me, but then again I rarely get either) because I have seen what is in my pants and I can give a pretty quick and straight forward answer without questioning myself.

    “Innocent curiosity” I think is fine.
    Looking for fetish fuel, not okay.
    Asking a question you are not open to receiving an answer for, also not okay.

    And “I am not answering that” should be quickly accepted as an answer.


  5. Lilybean

    In this analogy my gender may be ‘yon’, as in ‘behold! yon queer approacheth!’


  6. Anonymous

    ““Innocent curiosity” I think is fine.
    Looking for fetish fuel, not okay.
    Asking a question you are not open to receiving an answer for, also not okay.

    And “I am not answering that” should be quickly accepted as an answer.”


    In my opinion, it’s fairly easy to tell if a question is curious in nature or rude and invasive in nature. If someone asks me something rude and invasive, my solution is to answer in a sarcastic and nonsensical manner. If they ask nicely and sincerely, though, I’m more than happy to explain to the best of my abilities in hopes of creating a little more understanding in the world.


  7. Jessica

    The people that try my patients are the liberal assholes who have to prove their tolerance and open mindedness. Sometimes I think I’d rather some honest hatred than this hypocritical attention seeking. “Pat me on the back, pat me on the back, cause I’m so enlightened.”

    “Pardon me, are you a man or a woman?” is a nice dose of honest confusion. I’m always tempted to reply “Yes” but I try and be more kind.

    “Can you imagine being a woman and wanting to be a man? Can you imagine being a man and wanting to be a woman? Years ago, people were usually stuck being whatever they were born to – son of a baker, guess you’ll be a baker. Today we like to explore individuality more fully and it is possible for people to express both the maleness and femaleness of who they are. It is part of our social evolution. Some people feel threatened by that. Others feel comfortable with who they are and don’t mind who I am. They know that whoever I am doesn’t matter to who they are.” etc….


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