A Liberating Feeling

Nick B. wrote…

“Pansexuality is a great state of mind/body/soul. Being able to truly love people for who they are and not just what their gender is the most liberating feeling!”

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on November 10th, 2011 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 19 comments »

19 Responses to “A Liberating Feeling”

  1. Anonymous

    …I’m pretty sure that non-pansexual people love people for who they are and not just their gender also?


    Anonymous replied:

    Yes, this.

    If you’re pan/bi/omni/whatever else, that’s great and you should be proud of who you are, but it doesn’t make you more enlightened than everyone who isn’t.


    Anonymous replied:

    I keep seeing people say stuff like this and it just really concerns me! We should be respectful of everyone’s orientations/lack of orientation, no matter how awesome we think our own is.

    I love being panromantic, but it’s not better than being a/mono/bi/tri/etc-romantic/sexual (so many @-@), and we need to work together here!

    I feel kind of bad now for saying anything ._. I don’t think the original poster meant anything by it, just…


  2. Lee

    I don’t think this is meant to come across as self-righteous. It’s just that the feeling of being able to take gender out of the equation is liberating. Feeling free and liberated isn’t the same as being “more enlightened than everyone.” It’s just another way to open yourself up to more love and experiences.


    Elle replied:



    Anonymous replied:

    I don’t think it’s meant to come off that way either; it does so accidentally. As do you.

    Come on, surely you can understand how “I can truly love people for who they are and not just for their gender, because I’m pan” and “I’m opening myself to more love and experiences, by being pan” imply that monosexual people are closing themselves off by only loving people based on gender. When in fact, gay or straight people have no trouble loving their partners for who they are, and a lack of interest in sex with certain people isn’t a choice.


    Lee replied:

    This is one person’s expression of their own experience. I didn’t write it, but I doubt the author meant it to be a blanket statement for everyone. Some people who happen to have an orientation feel a certain way about it, and choose to share those feelings. This can be applied to anyone’s experiences, no matter what their gender, sexuality, or anything else.


    Anonymous replied:

    What they meant and what they said aren’t the same, though.

    I wouldn’t have said anything about something more like ‘I love being able to love people of all sorts of genders; it feels so liberating’ because it’s not implying that people of other orientations are NOT just loving the people they happen to love, too.

    Just because someone is expressing their personal feelings doesn’t mean they aren’t doing it in an insulting way.

    /first anon

    Liam replied:

    It seems to me Pansexuality is a sexuality that includes gender, not the other way around. Just in this case it is “all genders.”

    A straight male can date, sleep with, and love a transwoman.

    A gay female can date, sleep with, and love a female-bodied male-identified man.

    A bisexual can also date, sleep with, and love people who fall under the trans umbrella.

    Heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality don’t address gender. Only the sex of the individual.


  3. Lee

    It’s very easy to take things personally on a site like this. I’m sorry you find the post insulting.

    Still keep in mind that this is under the “Your Voice” category, so it is an expression of one person’s experience. Sometimes it is nearly impossible to express yourself without hitting someone’s nerve.

    If I were to say:

    “Owning dogs is a great experience! Being able to play fetch, wrestle around, and not worry about cleaning up hairballs is truly liberating!”

    Now, cat owners may find this insulting. Did I imply that dogs are better than cats? Maybe. But they are only better to ME since that is my own personal experience.

    Granted, perhaps if I spent some more time wondering how others would take my declaration of doggy love, such as cat lovers, than maybe I could have come up with something more general that wouldn’t exclude cats. Or birds. Or hamsters. Except hamsters don’t get hairballs. Anyways…

    There are many things in life that can unintentionally insult us. However, I have found in my own experience that there are enough purposeful insults out there that taking the good from statements like the one above just makes life easier. Beyond the implied exclusion factor, this statement is positive and not a blanket statement for everyone. It is how one person is feeling about gender and sexuality at the moment.

    I hope you are not insulted by my banter, Anonymous! My intention is to respectfully disagree without coming off as insulting or hurtful. This kind of discussion is actually enjoyable for me!



    Lane replied:

    I think that is a good point, but the difference between your example and what this poster is saying is that the middle “Being able to truly love people for who they are and not just what their gender is” is pretty strongly implying that people who are monosexual are not truly loving people for who they are. There is a difference between having a gender preference as part of your type, and not being able to love people for who they are inside.

    If the poster had only changed that chunk, for example, “being able to love people of a variety of genders is the most liberating feeling,” I would have had no problem. I’m glad the poster feels liberated! But please, don’t imply that I love my boyfriend (and all the other male-identified types I have crushed on) just because they were the right gender for me. I loved them for who they are, just as much as any pan person loves their loved ones for who they are.

    I think its important to tell people when something they said offends you (especially if you can do it in a polite, non-attacking way) because frankly, people often say things that are hurtful, without meaning to. We all make mistakes. By informing someone that you were offended, you give the person a chance to think over what they said and decide for themselves whether what they said was offensive or not. If they decide it was, they can learn from the experience.


  4. radical/rebel

    I’m worried about the recent trend in comments on Genderfork that make me feel like this is turning into a site where everyone is concerned about being “politically correct” and only expressing opinions that everyone else can agree on. As if any of us will ever fully agree about gender, sex, sexuality, and desire.

    End the policing. End the needless attacks on people’s expressions of their feeling.


    Lane replied:

    I agree. One of the things that I love about Genderfork is that because it is so polite, its one of the few places on the internet where you can have a respectful debate. I’ve seen a lot of really fascinating and well thought out discussions on Genderfork, and I would hate for that to end.


  5. tigr

    Lee, radical/rebel: thank you! I agree; you put my thoughts into words.


  6. Elle

    “Pansexuality is a great state of mind/body/soul. Being able to have sex with people for who they are and not just what their gender is the most liberating feeling!”

    Any better? Or still offensive? I decided to use “have sex with” rather than a certain shorter word to substitute for the original “love”.


    Lane replied:

    :-) I do like that better, yes.


    Elle replied:

    I kind of see where everyone is coming from on this issue. On one hand, I agree the wording suggests the author thinks that unisexuals don’t truly love people for who they are rather than their gender. On the other hand, I don’t think that was what they intended to say, although it is what they DID say. On one foot (out of hands) I personally do feel that bi/pansexuality offers an advantage in finding people to love without considering gender, but on the other foot I don’t think that love and sex are mutually inclusive. I don’t think that who or how you love is as important as that you love.


  7. Shiver

    When I started identifying as pansexual, I felt the same way as the person who wrote the original post. But I can see how easy it is to unintentionally offend people of other orientations. The way I described my own feeling on this was:

    I finally found something on which my mind and body agree! My mind always rationally told me that gender was irrelevant when it came to love/relationships, but that didn’t necessarily mean that my body had to agree with that. Now that i’ve discovered that I am also physically attracted to people of any gender and sex (including those who don’t fall into any category), I feel liberated because it means my mind and body feel exactly the same way (which is new, as they tend to be conflicted on many other things).

    I don’t know if the original poster or anyone else can relate to this, but at least I hope putting it this way is not offensive to anyone.


  8. Alexx

    I understand how the poster feels, and also those who are upset by the post… Did anyone take into account the fact that the poster MIGHT be talking about his/hers/hirs/their own experience with trying to fit into something other than pansexuality? I know for me realizing that I was Pansexual and not just into girls made ME feel more free and more open to love (or lust) as my heart (or body) dictated. And that was purely wonderful.

    Sharing ones PERSONAL thoughts, OPINIONS and experiences should not result in an attack about how “Politically Correct” or not the statement is, it should result in a happy, positive reception that accepts people for what makes them different, even if not everyone likes it.

    The judgment I’m seeing scares me, if on a website like Genderfork we get comments and responses like this what can I except anywhere else?


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