Gentleman Genderqueer

Headshot of a person with a nose ring and a faint goatee, wearing a black pinstripe suit with a matching fedora and rectangular glasses, smirking slightly at the camera.

Submitted by Neem, the model.

Posted by on June 30th, 2011 at 04:00 pm

Category: faces 7 comments »

7 Responses to “Gentleman Genderqueer”

  1. Weaver

    Love this! It’s so elegant and poignant, but simple… and the androgyny, flawless! (Love the glasses, by the way)


  2. Anonymous

    More of a question; What does the nose ring symbolize? I am new to this and still coming out. I have seen many nose rings particularly with females.


  3. Anonymous

    Since i am just admitting to myself that I am bisexual, how do I portray it? I have been hiding it for years. I have been in male/female relationships and always have been told I was like the woman in the relationship though I am male. I feel female inside and enjoy the idea of being the “female ” in a relationship. I despise trying to be “macho”. I just want to be tender and loving to someone that can truly handle it. I would not mind being in a relationship with a male that could be gentle and understanding


    Adair replied:

    Be yourself. People don’t often leap to the “bi” conclusion unless you actually come out (and then they still deny it), but I’m bisexual and seem to have some sort of magnetism for other bi (and trans*) people. Be open about your attraction to/interest in whoever. It sounds like your gender expression likely *will* indicate your sexuality, since you aren’t macho. Maybe be geeky, maybe have long hair or jewelry and a beard (if you don’t feel that’s too masculine), but most importantly just dress however you want to. Find gentle, loving queers, whether you’re interested in them or not–you’ll need support from people who aren’t going to try to rush you into their idea of how you should be queer. Online dating sites might work. If you think you are a trans woman, that may or may not be something you need to explore *before* pursuing a relationship.

    Also, the idea of someone being “the woman” in a relationship is pretty offensively heteronormative/sexist to some of us, although I imagine it would be validating if you’ve been nervous about feeling like a woman. I just want to make sure it wasn’t intended as a challenge or an insult or a stereotype. I wouldn’t want you to date people who tried to put you down for your gender expression. Everyone deserves better than that. Bisexuals, genderqueers, and feminists all might be good to seek out if you do need someone who will embrace you as yourself (of course I can’t vouch for any given individual). It’s perfectly valid to see yourself as a woman in a relationship while you act in the ways that are stereotyped as female, but you could also validly see yourself as a woman in a relationship while not following those roles, or see yourself as male while following the stereotypical female role. (Or see yourself as female in romance but male in other aspects of your live, or any other permutation). If you are a woman, it’s not contingent upon you “acting” female, and vice versa. (And identifying as a male who feels like a woman inside is just as valid as identifying as a woman. Everything about your gender identity and expression is your choice.)

    It sounds like you’re in a period of change in your life–both in recognizing you’re bisexual and understanding your gender. I would try to portray that you *are* changing your self-concept, as honestly as you can wherever it’s safe to do so. That might protect you from some of the pressures of what a bisexual/trans* person “should” be or how they have to “prove” themselves.

    I’d also be pretty firm when people try to erase one aspect of your identity. Maybe it’s someone who likes you as a queer man and doesn’t want to see you as a woman; maybe it’s a fruit fly who’s looking for a gay friend and doesn’t want to admit a male-bodied person so feminine can like women; maybe it’s an old friend who just wants to see you as a straight male. If it’s someone you want to share closeness with, they have to know they can’t put you back in the closet for their convenience.

    Ultimately, portraying yourself as bi takes a lot of effort, since people will mentally argue with all the evidence you give them. It’s most important that you’re honest enough to feel comfortable being yourself–and for people who will accept you to notice how awesome you are. It sounds like a lot of people would love what you have to offer and reciprocate with the gentle love you want. Just be honest that that’s what you want, and steer clear of the people who can’t/don’t want to understand it. “Gentle and understanding” is something a lot of people haven’t come to grips with yet, but that’s not your problem.


    Anonymous replied:

    Thank you Adair. I appreciate the time and effort that you put in to help me. I also apologize for the comment about being the woman in a relationship. It is just what I have been told over the years. I am dealing with my feelings one day at a a time. Thank you my friend. You are a nice person.


  4. Noel

    Ok, i’ve never actually felt the need to leave my google reader to come over here and comment on a photo, but fuck… gorgeous.

    Whoever you are – you are amazing and amazing looking. One of the awesome things Genderfork has helped me understand is how to be beautiful and sexy without being gender typical so for you, photo’ed friend – you are beautiful. And sexy.


  5. SnapperJack

    I agree, you are lovely :)


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