I’m not sure…

Someone wrote…

If I found out I was infertile, I would start hormones tomorrow. I’m not sure what that means.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on April 9th, 2011 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 14 comments »

14 Responses to “I’m not sure…”

  1. Lane

    Perhaps that you should get some kind of fertility test. :-)

    In all seriousness, the results might tell you a lot. Or if you do some thought experiments, they might tell you a lot. Suppose you had a fertility test and found you could have children. Would you feel disappointed? Relieved? Ambivalent? How much do you want biological children vs adoptive children, and if you used a surrogate would you feel you would be missing out on something?


  2. Samson

    I used to feel this way too, and now I’m rethinking it.

    Hormones, as far as I know, may not wreck your fertility, either.


  3. Nazza

    Your comment speaks to me in my own ambivalence regarding transition. At times, my own internal dialogue produces statements beginning with the phrase, “If _________ were different, I would.” or “If I didn’t have to worry about __________ I would.” My own reservations are often tied to other people, namely family, and their own responses.

    Having a child is very important to you. It’s unfortunate that you feel torn between being honest with who you wish to be and a compelling desire tethered tightly to how you currently identify. I wish you strength as you process this decision.


  4. Echo

    Don’t take this the wrong way, but do you really need to pass your genes on? There are plenty of kids without loving homes already on the planet. Love is thicker than blood.

    Here in Canada, there are 70,000 kids in the care of foster care or small care institutions.

    In the UK, 75% of kids stay in orphanages until they reach the age of majority.


  5. math

    ‘in the UK, 75% of kids stay in orphanages until they reach the age of majority.’ eh, no. i am pro adoption too, but this statistic, not accurate.


    Echo replied:

    After I first saw the article posted, I found hard to find last couple times I dug it up to share with people but the article I read promoting the issue that too few gay parents seeking adoption are actually adopting children. I think remembering it say only 25% of children in UK orphanages end up getting a loving home.

    That’s not the fucking point anyways. There are TOO many children in foster care or orphanages or the like. ANY amount of children without parents is far too much. If something you need to be happy and comfortable with yourself involved eventually giving up your ability to pass mere genes on, so be it. It’s better to give an already living baby/kid, who needs a real home exactly that, and improve it’s life unimaginably, than to bring a new one into this overpopulated world.

    Families are built with love, which is something genetics are entirely incapable of creating.


  6. Jessica

    I am almost two years now on hormones and I recommend them very much, because there is a real difference of mind that I have experienced. I did not know this would happen. I was expecting more physical things and physical things happen, but now I think of the physical thing as a side-effect, a largely irrelevant detail.

    Anything major you do with your body may affect your fertility. I did not begin hormones until that was very much in the past for me. Would I have done it when I was younger, if I knew a) that I would experience this mind and b) I would become infertile. Hmmm, that is a tough question.

    I think if I were now 20, I definitely would. I think though, if I were to go back in time and be 20 again, I would not… I would not want my choice to cause my children to not be born.


  7. Ashtur

    I’m 33 now, and being FTM that means that if I leave it much longer my fertility will start to seriously decline. I’ve known that I wanted to transition medically almost since I realised I’m trans, but I didn’t realise till hormones were staring me in the face that I also have a very deep need to keep my ability to have kids. It matters so much to me I get shaky. And it matters to me to be able to see myself or my loved ones in my children too; I know that way I’d be able to understand them, forgive them and love them in a way I don’t think I would if I adopted a stranger. It sounds selfish, but I come from an incredibly unhappy home; I know what it’s like to think you’ve got a chance at being happy and then find it taken away, and I could never risk doing that to someone who’s already suffering because they’re in care.

    So I’m tying to get some of my eggs frozen before I start transition. There are sharing programmes where I can be treated and keep some eggs for free in return for donating half to someone else. It’s hard to keep myself waiting, because I could start T any time I want, I’ve got the letter now; I just try to remember how incredibly deeply I feel when I’m sitting there waiting to find out if I can have my own kids or not. There are medical reasons I might not be a suitable donor, so I may have to give up on that option and pay for full IVF; if it comes to that, then I’ll have to start hormones anyway just to keep myself sane. If that does happen, I’ll just have to see how my feelings and my finances have changed when the time comes.


    Jessica replied:

    I was forcefully reminded of Simon & Garfunkel tune by your post: But on looking up the lyrics, I sort of re-wrote them in my head, so I am putting the lyrics I remembered incorrectly:

    I was twenty-one years when I wrote this song
    I’m thirty-three now but I won’t be for long
    Time hurries on
    And the leaves that are green turn to brown
    And they wither in the wind
    And they crumble in your hand …


    Ashtur replied:

    Thanks :)


  8. Echo

    This is just pure curiosity, but does anyone know if T actually affects human eggs inside the ovaries? I know it stops menstruation and the release of the eggs, and I’d guess there might be some atrophy in the fallopian tubes and womb, but every single egg was created before birth and they’re only just released during menstruation.

    There might be a possibility that they can be extracted and frozen far after the time where the initial/reversible sterility occurs, meaning starting T might not have to be something to put on hold for anyone wanting to preserve their gametes.


    Tree replied:

    Well, thats what Thomas Beaty did- he just went off his T hormones and started ovulating again- well enough to concieve and carry his own child (though most Trans guys are probably not into that option- he had to because his wife couldn’t)

    I think they were just there in stasis- but I think a professional would know better than I.


  9. Anonymous

    If I found out I was infertile, I’d get my 38Gs chopped off as soon as i could. I hate knowing this limbo.


  10. Elle

    I think adoption is a great thing, and I think the people who rescue children without families are amazing and wonderful people, and I hope some day to be one as well. But I want to pass on my own genes at least once. I don’t know why I feel this need, but I also don’t know why I feel the desire to transition to a gender other than the one I was assigned at birth. If you want something badly enough the why isn’t really important.

    I know as a MtF-ish type person I have much easier options when it comes to saving my own genetic material than people going the other way, but I’d rather not take those steps until needed. I’m comfortable enough with where my body is for now, and non-medically aided fertilization is much easier and less expensive than any other option. Now I just hope that the person I eventually fall in love with is both capable of and willing to carry our child.


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