“One of the Boys”
Someone wrote…
I can be called “he” all I want, but I don’t think I’ll ever be accepted as a “one of the boys.”
What’s your experience?
Posted by Chris on July 25th, 2011 at 08:00 am
Category: your voice 8 comments »
8 Responses to ““One of the Boys””
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July 25th, 2011 at 10:32 am |
It’s like, no matter how far I go, will I ever be a woman? Will everyone always know that I’m “just pretending?”
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July 25th, 2011 at 8:21 pm |
I feel lucky in this respect. I almost never get male pronouns from my dude friends, but with a few of them I most definitely do feel like one of the guys, down to getting relationship advice from a male’s perspective for me.
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July 26th, 2011 at 5:46 am |
This may feel true, but i strongly believe it is NOT true at all. My mum is always telling me “you’re forcing everybody to lie to you,” she says I’m “dressing up and putting on an act.” Just because you do not fit into the normative idea of male yet does not mean you do not have a very strong male identity of your own.
And just because you have to work harder at it DOES NOT make it pretending. Trying to fit into your wrong gender is pretending.
It’s hard for transpeople to cultivate a natural place in their chosen gender because we had to defy nature a bit to get there. You are one of the boys- just not one of THOSE boys.
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July 26th, 2011 at 7:37 am |
I feel like this all the time, but it’s not my lack of being accepted as “one of the guys” that frustrates me. It’s the total ignorance of the infinite ways one can be a guy, or girl, or both, or neither, or anything really. If this ignorance didn’t exist then I wouldn’t feel this ridiculous need to have to explain myself to everyone I meet.
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July 26th, 2011 at 10:14 am |
One very important thing:
Stop telling yourself that no one accepts you.
I found that I had reached a point where I automatically assumed that no one would fully accept me as a guy. Obviously that created a distance to whatever group I was in and whoever I was with. I think assuming is something that can be hard to stop with if you’ve experienced bad things earlier, but an important thing to let go of. Just let people experience you; maybe they’ll let you in closer than you ever hoped!
Surely there’ll be those who’ll always think of you as not “one of the group”. But the more you’re just being you and hanging around and being generally nice, boundaries often disappear. There are many different biologically born men who consider themselves male but are still different and takes on different roles in a group of guys; the “feminine” guy, the overly-masculine guy, the gamer and so on. You can be one of the guys in your own way. It’s about showing it.
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July 26th, 2011 at 11:12 am |
i think it depends on the guys you’re hanging out with.
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July 27th, 2011 at 11:25 am |
I’ve found that amongst my college guy friends I’ve somehow assumed a dual role of “little sister” and “one of the dudes”. So on one hand, I get invited to the “guy” outings and “guy nights” and we talk about “guy” things, and on the other, they’ll hug me and threaten to wallop anyone who pisses me off. Its not a “normal” dynamic, but thats ok because you know what? I’m not normal. And I like it that way.
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August 8th, 2011 at 3:44 am |
If your quote is from a FTM-esque perspective, I understand what you mean; I can be called ‘she’ all I like, but the undoubtedly ‘male’ characteristics in my body, voice and actions make it very difficult to feel like ‘one of the girls’.
This said, everything can be taught and perfected with enough persistence and dedication. Some of us just take longer than others xx
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