Profile: Carol

A dark-skinned woman with medium-length hair, wearing a pink shirt, a grey hat, and glasses. She is smiling at the camera.

You can call me… Carol

I identify as… a fat, cisgendered, heteroflexible and nerdy badass.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … I’m fine with female pronouns.

I’m attracted to… Men. Trans, cis, fat, skinny, American, Lithuanian, black, white, maroon, cerulean. As long as he’s a nerd, I’m down.

When people talk about me, I want them to… say what they feel straight up. Yeah, the truth hurts, but a perpetuated lie hurts a hell of a lot more.

I want people to understand… that I’m more than the stereotypes about my body. When you judge me by stereotypes, you erase everything individual about me.

About Carol
I’m a nursing student. I’m a huge nerd, doing renaissance fairs, playing video games, D&D, etc. Cant live without my wrestling. I LOVE to cook and I’m mainly a person who likes to cook for my friends and family.

» Define yourself. «

Posted by on November 17th, 2011 at 04:00 pm

Category: profiles 24 comments »

24 Responses to “Profile: Carol”

  1. Anonymous

    What’s with the straight, female-presenting cis girl?

    I thought that was what every other website in the world was for.


    InfinitySquared replied:

    Because there’s an “A” in “GLBTQA”.


    Anonymous replied:

    Sorry, but is the “A” for “allies,” “androgynous,” “asexual,” or something else?


    tigr replied:

    Depends, I guess? Which is why sometimes you have LGBTQAA and then a whole load of other letters. (I’d prefer LGBT(Q)+ or something like that, though:) makes it easier to pronounce and more memorable…)

    InfinitySquared replied:


    Anonymous replied:

    I always thought A was for Asexual or Androgynous.
    I kinda think het cis people don’t really belong here. I’m with the first Anon, that’s what every other website in the world is for.


    Tree replied:

    You forgot the important thing- she’s not JUST CISgendered. She’s shirking a stereotype.

    She’s a fat-accepting woman who doesn’t care what makes her man. She’s straight up showing us how much like us she is.

    When you start spouting stuff like “doesn’t belong here” you’re being as bad as all the haters out there. This is supposed to be one of the ONE SAFE HAVENS for we Genderqueer people on the net, and if I’m gonna be worried that my own friends or other cisgendered people are gonna be looked down on, well- where do I have to go?

    She’s like us. I appreciate knowing that there are Allies who think like us and support us. That’s why this was posted.

  2. ludo

    Okay, let’s see… The site description says that “Genderfork is a supportive community for the expression of identities across the gender spectrum. ”

    So I would like to think that includes heterosexual cis folks as well. We are certainly not going to discriminate agains someone who merely wants to define their identity and share said identity with us, are we? One rarely comes across a cis person who has spent some time thinking out their gender identity and putting it into words. I myself as a genderqueer something-or-other find their identities quite as fascinating as any other. And who knows, gender identity may be something they are thinking about. Maybe they have had different thoughts before concluding they are heterosexual or cisgender. Or maybe it’s an on going thought process, maybe eventually leading to a realization of something else.

    Somehow I doubt this site will be overflooded with profiles from hetero cis people merely seeking attention. Let us be civil and open minded. I would think most of us know how it feels when people aren’t those things.


    Anonymous replied:

    Word. I love everything you said.

    And I can assure everyone that Carol is NOT then only hetero cis person who has spent time thinking about their gender identity!


    just another ally replied:

    I’m a hetero(ish) cis(ish) female-identified person who spent some time identifying as genderqueer and in queer relationships before. I worried and struggled a lot before coming to the conclusion that being woman-identified was okay by me (at least for now!) and that I’m mostly interested in male-identified people (at least for now!). Genderfork and reading amazing books by genderqueer/trans people really helped me a lot then. It makes me really ridiculously happy to read posts by people who are coming to a place where they’re happy with their gender.

    just wanted to say that us cis people who think a lot about their gender are out there, too :)


    fummeltunte replied:

    Profile editor popping in to say, “Hi!”

    Ludo, I think your comment really sums up my feelings on this. For me, genderfork represents an inclusive space where anyone can come to discuss gender. I see it as a very important place to showcase anyone on the gender and sexuality spectrum. I see cisgendered people as falling within this spectrum, and I certainly will not exclude them from the discussion.

    When I see someone who is actively identifying themselves as “cisgender,” it says a few things to me:

    1. They’re aware and thinking about gender in a non-normative fashion. (As opposed to the slew of cisgendered people don’t even KNOW they’re cisgendered because they aren’t aware of the term “cisgender,” and think of themselves “normal.”

    I feel like if you’re aware of cisgender identity, then you’re likely to think about other identities.)

    2. Cisgender can be just as fluid as any other identity. Depending on how you subjectively see “cisgendered,” it can hold just as much potential for gender play as any other label.

    Ultimately, I hope to accurately represent the huge slew of profiles that we receive. Every once in a while, a cis-identifying individual pops up.

    I think that it’s a slippery slope argument to assume that once a cis profile is posted, then all of a sudden there will be an avalanche of cis-related profiles. Just like I won’t post exclusively trans-lesbian profiles or all gay male-bodied unicorn profiles. I try to be as fair as possible. Hopefully that quells some worries.



    ludo replied:

    I’m glad we agree, fummeltunte :) Keep up the good work. I’ve really enjoyed the variety of profiles posted on GF.

    The cisgender experience is indeed as varied as any. For instance, my best friend is a straight ciswoman who dresses in a stereotypically feminine way and yet she talks a lot about how she would love to have a beard if only she could grow one. Just like every trans/queer person experiences their gender in their own unique fashion, cis people feel the exact same way when you ask them what it means for their identity to be “male” or “female”.


  3. Elle

    I would much rather have a supportive cisgendered heteronormative person post on this site than a bunch of hater trolls hiding behind anonymous posts.


    Anonymous replied:

    Expressing an opinion != being a hater troll.


    Elle replied:

    Expressing an opinion? No.

    “What’s with the straight, female-presenting cis girl?

    I thought that was what every other website in the world was for.” = hater troll


  4. XylophoneGender

    Thanks for those who’ve spoken up for Carol’s right to have profile here. We do welcome those across the universe of genders, whether they choose any labels or not, and whether those labels fall within a traditional mainstream or not.
    Thanks, Carol, for being your amazing, rockin’ self!


  5. Meike

    Yes, indeed! Thank you, Carol, for being so open-minded and accepting. We’re glad to have you here.


  6. InfinitySquared

    I think that as time goes on and we are more accepted by the world in general, that diversity itself will become something to celebrate–and diversity includes straight cis people. They’re not the enemy; they’re just the people who got lucky enough not to be targeted by all the crap we’re trying to fight. It’s only an accident of birth or genetics that put them on the other side of the fence–and if they want to stand up for us, then that’s a good thing. It’s something to celebrate. It means we’re getting through to the world.


  7. radical/rebel

    The next profile after this one is also of a straight-identified, cisgender-identified person.

    I’m not trying to hate, but these aren’t the kind of profiles I come to Genderfork to read. Just one queer’s opinion.



    InfinitySquared replied:

    I dunno; I kind of like it. It’s like saying, “Here, see? You don’t have to be queer yourself to think queer people are cool.” I don’t like isolating myself in my little corner of the world. Things like this make me a lot more courageous about poking my nose out of hiding.


    radical/rebel replied:

    Hmm, and see, I’ve never felt “isolated” because I live with and love primarily queer people.

    Queer people are my family and we’re no more “all the same” than any other group of people. I don’t PERSONALLY need to look at profiles of straight people to feel any kind of validation and acceptance. But if seeing “not the same, but supportive” profiles makes someone else in my (queer) community feel good, than that can be a reason for me taking that seriously.

    But, still: I don’t want this site to be half, or largely, straight cis people!

    radical love, radical challenges,


    fummeltunte replied:

    Hey radical/rebel. I’m loving the kind of discussion this has spawned, and I wanted to reply and hopefully ease some of your concerns.

    I wrote above about the slippery slope argument. I’m not sure where you’re getting the “half, or largely, straight cis people” idea. I very rarely ever come across a cis profile submission through Genderfork. When I do, it goes through the same process all other profiles go through– I want to make sure we’re not posting hateful content, crazy zoomed-in portraits of peoples’ eyeballs, or just incoherent text in general. So I take responsibility for choosing which profiles to edit and post.

    I don’t want to get into a territory where we are measuring people’s queerness and saying, “Trans and straight identified? Leather-dyke but cisgendered? Hmm…are they *queer* enough?” To me, Carol’s profile identifies her as a cis person with queer desires. I don’t see why that wouldn’t be appropriate for Genderfork. (For some hilarity on “Queerer than Thou,” check out this youtube vid: . )

    I edited Wing’s profile about a week before I did Carol’s. Our main Genderfork editor queues these posts up and tries to shuffle them up. I’m not sure if they intended to follow one cis profile up with another, or if they fell into the queue that way. Regardless, I don’t want you to think this is going to be a half or something-% soap box for cis people. However, I’m definitely not going to exclude cis people from the dialogue, if they have something interesting to contribute to a gender-diverse community. :D

    As a queer person of color, I’ve had cis family, friends, lovers, etc who also play with gender and explore queer desires. When they look for a resource to learn and explore gender (because I’m always talking about it), I direct them to read genderfork and educate themselves. I want those readers to be able to join the dialogue and not feel like the one-off cis profile will immediately come under scrutiny be excluded.

    I feel very confident saying that the Genderfork editors are extremely conscious about what get’s posted here, and we definitely don’t try to privilege one group/identity over another.

    IMO, it takes a great amount of courage to submit a profile to genderfork– you’re opening up and getting your face, name, gender identity, and sexuality out there. While I think it’s important to make sure one group isn’t privileged over another, I also hope people can be as respectful as possible while commenting here.

    Lemme know if you wanna chat about it some more. You can hit me up at noirtier at gmail dot com

  8. Heather

    Hi all..

    I’m a cis gendered girl and i have been reading and exploring Genderfork for over a year.

    A few months after i started coming to the site, i met and fell in love with a transgender person.

    I have given a lot of thought to gender stereotypes and largely believe that gender is a social construction. I do not like the gender roles that our society has decided that we all have to play based upon our genitalia. Though i do not struggle with some of the issues other people on here do, i do struggle with how i am treated as inferior because i am a woman and the expectations of straight cis males who think women belong barefoot and pregnant or in the kitchen. I also struggle with people calling me queer and a lesbian because of who i choose to love. For the record, i do not identify as either because i choose to not label myself in any way. I do not even identify as straight even though others may label me that way.

    I keep coming back because i love to see people expressing who they are outside of societal constructs that want to say who they should or should not be.

    Everyone here is struggling against out-dated ideas and preconceived notions, just trying to be who they are without shame, guilt, or fear.

    I love the open-mindedness of this group and their courage in expressing themselves. People are beautiful and i am proud to be a part of this community.

    Also, i wear ties and refuse to shave my body hair ;)

    Rock on!


    Elle replied:

    Heather, you absolutely rule!


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