Profile: James

You can call me… James, but there are lots of people that call me Jia.

I identify as… mentally male, biologically female. Aiming for androgyne. I have DID and my other is a male, but as a bio-femme, I have always, desperately wished not to be a girl. I’m genderqueer as hell, polyamorous and bisexual.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … I prefer the masculine set, generally. It makes my day when someone calls me sir.

I’m attracted to… art, hypnosis, crossdressing, skinny girls, intelligence, a good singing voice, gentleness and a good sense of humor. I’m also attracted to incredibly feminine girls and incredibly masculine men – so I suppose I’m attracted to a strong sense of identity in other people.

When people talk about me, I want them to… just say what they actually think. If they can’t tell what gender I biologically am, that’s perfectly fine by me. I hate being referred to as a dyke, because it’s not true.

I want people to understand… … that bisexuals are people, too, and that prejudice doesn’t just reach gays and lesbians. The LGBT community as a whole needs to understand that sexuality is a spectrum. I’ve had more discriminatory and hateful remarks from lesbians and gays than I’ve had from the straight community. I thought when I joined the LGBT community that there would be acceptance and love, and instead, I received the same sort of condemnation for being poly and bi that I did from the Christian church. We’re all guilty of prejudice, and we all need to work on loving each other.

About James
James is a 21 year old artist living in Florida. He’s currently working on a webcomic and working tech support as his day job. He owns a small apartment in a tiny southern community and spends most of his time playing video games, geocaching and generally creating a mess out of everything he gets himself into.

» Define yourself. «


Posted by on January 27th, 2011 at 08:00 am

Category: profiles 28 comments »

28 Responses to “Profile: James”

  1. Jessica

    “and generally creating a mess out of everything he gets himself into…” My brother (in spirit) James.

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  2. Sara

    I’d love to see your webcomic.

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  3. Sparrow

    “I received the same sort of condemnation for being poly and bi that I did from the Christian church”

    This is my experience also. I have experienced more shock and confused outrage from my gay friends at my polyamory and my particular gradient of sexuality than I ever experienced when my straight friends found out I was queer.

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    kerry berry replied:

    same here, strangely i was voted Miss Gay Sligo (Ireland)… but i didnt realise the torture i would receive for being bisexual… the whole female gay community of my area (sligo) was disheartened that a bisexual poly with a boyfriend would be their representative…. which i understand … but at the same time their repulsion was so hurting, so damaging to me…

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    Jill replied:

    The “community” does not seem to understand that BI means we love both sexes. :-(

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  4. bendyourcircuit

    This is so like me talking. This post made my day!

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  5. Vicky

    Though I am neither poly nor bi, I know exactly what you’re talking about with the LGBTQ community. I’ve caught more flak for being heterosexual than I’ve ever received for being a transvestite. We’re all pulling for you, brother.

    P.S. You should link to your webcomic! We’d love to see it!

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    Elijah replied:

    er – I’m sorry about this, but something about your comment kind of rubs me the wrong way because like – if you weren’t feeling welcomed in the T part of the community because you were heterosexual, obviously that’s jacked up. But the L, G, B, and presumably Q don’t apply to you, so – I don’t know where I’m going with this and feel free to shout me down if I’m causing offense. But catching flak for being heterosexual when others might have felt that you’re intruding in a space for the LGB only – I mean, I don’t know the whole story. And again, please call me out on any bullshit I might be spewing.

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    Vicky replied:

    I take no offense from your comment, and there’s no need to be sorry for your feelings and interpretations of what I wrote. I understand your confusion. The problem wasn’t that I was intruding on a space for the LGB, it was that the community advertised as an “Accepting community for all of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, and Queer members of our society,” and yet certain members of this particular society felt that transvestitism did not fall under the heading of “Queer.” They did not believe that I was non-heteronormative, and treated me with open hostility due to my heterosexuality. I apologize if anything I said caused you discomfort or hurt. I certainly did not intend to imply that all members of the LGBTQ community treated me that way, as I realize now my comment could have been interpreted as such; in truth, it was only five or six people in a specific community. My feelings toward my LGBTQ friends and family members have not been soured by those individuals, and I still have a deep and abiding respect for all who are openly non-heteronormative.
    I would like to thank you for your candor, though. Not many have the guts to speak up and ask for clarity in an issue like this, when it can be so easy to mistakenly take insult from a poorly-worded comment.

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    Jessica replied:

    I have felt uneasy at some public functions because my presentation was not overt enough… I present as fairly (if inaccurately) cisnormative. People who “know” me online never ID me in person and are always surprised (sometimes shocked). I find it disconcerting to be mistaken for a straight or a spy.

    See:
    Combating “Combating Ignorance” Part 1: Whose Ignorance/Who’s Ignorant?
    http://takesupspace.wordpress.com/2010/02/05/combatting-combatting-ignorance-part-1-whose-ignorancewhos-ignorant/ Also parts 2,3 and 4.

    Interesting analysis.

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  6. Anonymous

    I’m sorry to nitpick, but what do extreme masculinity or femininity have to do with the strength of a person’s sense of identity?

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    Stuart replied:

    I was just about to ask that.

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    Jessica replied:

    Nothing. But people blithely assume that the strength of your convictions are mirrored in the extremism of your presentation. We internalize all manner of binaries, don’t we?

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    Vicky replied:

    I agree, both in my own prejudices (which I am doing my best to mitigate), and in the ones I’ve seen directed at myself and others.

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    James Flynn replied:

    OP here.

    I’ve learned quite a bit since posting this profile – I’ll be 23 soon, so that should tell you how long ago this was submitted. The way I worded this wasn’t clear. I find myself attracted to strongly feminine women and strongly masculine males, because I admire qualities in each representation.

    I am also attracted to people who have a strong sense of identity. I did not mean to post these as the same thought or string of thoughts.

    I knew saying the things I said was going to ruffle some feathers, and while I’m not sorry for that, I’m sorry if I’ve hurt anyone’s feelings.

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  7. Ben Ostrowsky

    I’m sorry that Christians once again failed to love you. I mentally holler “What part of ‘in Christ there is neither male nor female’ do you assholes not get?!”, but self-evidently I’m not doing too well on the love thing either.

    Still, the next time someone tries to bible-thump a Genderforker, I’m hoping Galatians 3:28 (that quote) will come up in the conversation.

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  8. Comrade Kevin

    I find my attraction to be the reverse of yours. I find masculine women appealing, as well as feminine men. Like you, I often wish I were female, and sometimes the thought of it is satisfying both personally and sexually.

    With Christians, I think some of them still can’t get through their heads that this itinerant Jewish carpenter and religious teacher spread wisdom and healing throughout the world. They don’t want to acknowledge the radical things he said, so they whitewash who he was and what he stood for. Some of the followers are toxic, but don’t let that detract from what was actually said and done.

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  9. Heather

    The thing about sexuality, gender identity, and other personal issues is that they are between the individual and God. It is not any one’s job to try to convince someone who is genderqueer or a lesbian to ‘change their sinful ways’. Honestly, it is not really anyone’s business.

    A Christian who is worth anything is going to reflect the love of Christ. He lived and died for every single person ever to exist. And if that isn’t what you are hearing from a Christian, then i would guess that that person does not have a good relationship with God.

    I identify as Christian. I love you. God does too. He wants a personal relationship with you and He sent His only son to die for you so that He can have that. Embrace Him and He will embrace you.

    You’re beautiful.

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  10. GarcianSmith

    You are a beautiful person.

    You are also entitled to have your personal preferences on a physical level. I’m genderfluid and just like who I like.

    I have also struggled to find acceptance, but as always, the important people will stick.

    As a fellow Floridian, I wish you the best.

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  11. bidyke

    Oh my god. *Thank you* for putting the word “bisexual” here. As a bisexual genderqueer, I get so much bullshit from the trans community for identifying as bi and not as pan or queer or anything-other-than-bi. It seems like it’s become mainstream to think that bisexuality is binary and transphobic – so thank you for being visible here on this website and proving the contrary.

    Solidarity,
    bidyke

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    Samson replied:

    I’m curious how you identify outside of the gender binary (or so I assume, since that’s what ‘genderqueer’ implies to me), yet use a word that implies you like people from both sides of a binary? True, “bisexual” does imply physical sex, not gender, but sex isn’t really a binary either. You’re saying you’re only attracted to people who’re purportedly “100% male” or “100% female”? As a word, it… kind of IS binary, by definition.

    I say I’m bi for the sake of convenience when I’m with people for whom explaining “pan” would be a long, awkward, and possibly fruitless conversation, but I’m definitely pan/generally queer. Then again the idea of attraction based on genitalia/chromosomes/the like is just generally not my style; to each their own.

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    Jessica replied:

    I do like your style, Samson, though I’d not presume to say that I understand quite what that style is. I don’t have to. My homeostatic compatriot – one who helps me keep my equilibrium. :-)

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    Vicky replied:

    I think here the issue is simply with semantics. In our culture, we don’t yet have set words for many of these concepts, and due to the intrinsically vague nature of gender, many people have their own personal definitions of what it means to be “queer” or “bi.” Semantically, the word “bisexual” does indeed imply a binary, simply due to that prefix. However, bidyke’s personal definition might differ from the accepted one. As such, s/he (I apologize, but I don’t know what pronoun you prefer, bidyke, so will be using nonspecific binary pronouns) has every right to prefer bi over pan, or any other word for his/her sexuality and gender identification. The problem here is that bidyke is saying that s/he is bisexual, referring to physicality, and others are interpreting that as referring to identification. So, yes, s/he is bisexual. S/he is also queer, pan, etc. It’s the perception of the person saying the words that matters in this case, and those who do not understand have every right to ask for clarification. Through such discourse, we can begin to compile terms for gender identification that everyone recognizes and understands. That’s how words like “gay” and “queer” lost their negative connotation and gained more linguistic value.
    So yes, bidyke is bi. S/he identifies as such, so it is so. Yes, Samson is pan and not bi, for the same reason. You both have many of the same ideas, you just ascribe different words to them, and neither of you is right or wrong. It is only after we develop a vocabulary that is generally accepted by all that such value judgments can be made, and that is a long way off.

    bidyke replied:

    Sorry for being late with replying. I didn’t subscribe to comments on this page, though I will now.

    Just today I made a long post on my blog explaining my views on this issue. I invite you (and anyone else interested) to read it, hopefully it could answer your questions in depth: http://tinyurl.com/5vede7g

    Just to give you the gist of it: as implied by my identification, I don’t find “bisexual” to be a gender-binary word. I feel troubled that bisexuality and genderqueer identities are perceived as contradictory, and sense the need to increase understanding and solidarity towards people who identify as bi, within trans and genderqueer communities.

    Solidarity,
    bidyke

    P.S. I prefer feminine pronouns, thank you :)

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    Vicky replied:

    Wow.

    I did not realize at the time of my previous post just how heated this subject was. I certainly appreciate your blog post, bidyke, and how informative and well-written it is. I’m wondering if there are any other blogs (other than the ones you link to in yours) on either side of the issue. I’d love to hear more from both sides, not to judge or take a side, but just to better educate myself.

    I apologize because this next part gets kind of verbose and anthropological.

    I apologize for reducing this issue to “semantics.” Clearly there is more going on below what I initially gleaned. Some of the arguments that bidyke brought up on either side of the argument are indeed focused on the meanings of “bisexual,” but most of these seem to be more focused on returning to or referring to the medical term, rather than looking at the actual perceived meaning in today’s societies. However, most of the arguments seem to have more to do with the mammalian herd instinct than the word “bisexual” itself. Every human has the desire to find a group of other humans who are like them in some way, and when another individual or group threatens their group (the threat may be real or imagined), they react with defensive, passive-aggressive behavior that can easily be interpreted as outright hostility. The “intruder(s)” in turn react with defensive passive-aggression, and the cycle self-perpetuates. This seems to be happening with the genderqueer community in this case. The use of “bisexual,” whether through genuine enjoyment of the term, misunderstanding of the term, or a desire to redefine the term, creates a situation in which some members of the genderqueer community feel some amount of real or perceived threat. They question the term, and the individuals who identify as “bisexual” react. The cycle of reaction begins.

    Please tell me if you think I’m way off in my observations. I enjoy discourse, and would love to converse more on this subject with people who have opinions on either side of the issue.

    Solidarity.

    (I like that logout so much more than Stan Lee’s “Excelsior!”)

  12. Lee

    Sorry that I’m both a bit late to the game and also slightly veering off topic, but I felt a need to weigh in with my personal experiences regarding the LGBT ‘community.’

    James and Vicky are absolutely right to say that the LGBT ‘community’ really only welcomes those who adhere to their rather self stereotyping beliefs and lifestyles.

    As a biological and self identified man who would probably be classified as primarily homosexual (though I’m attracted to biological women as well) but who doesn’t live a ‘gay lifestyle,’ I’ve never felt welcome in or part of any facet of the LGBT ‘community.’
    Honestly, I can’t speak about anyone but the G portion, but they’re extremely cliquish and seem to take offense to the fact that I don’t live in a gay neighborhood and don’t go to gay bars.
    My male friends who also identify themselves as primarily homosexual and live similar lifestyles to mine have experienced a similar feeling of being outsiders to the LGBT ‘community.’ For a while I thought that it was somehow our faults because we weren’t living like them and this was creating a cultural disconnect, but now I firmly believe that they simply don’t want people like us.

    Obviously, these are just my thoughts.

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    Vicky replied:

    Oddly enough, since my last post on this thread I’ve been largely accepted by my local LGBT community. In my case, it was mostly the bigotry of a few select individuals who have since moved away (one G, one B, one T). I still feel somewhat awkward and on guard when around the others in the community, but not to the degree it was. Of course, having been on the receiving end of it, I try my damndest to stick up for those who also receive rough treatment.

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  13. Jill

    I just wanted to say I get where you are coming from and male or female, your photo is hot. :-)
    That aside, it is so tough for bi females to walk in the world and be loved for who they truly are.

    [Reply]


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