Question: Coming out

Spencer asks…

How important is it to come out to your significant other’s family as trans?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Posted by on September 17th, 2011 at 04:00 pm

Category: questions 6 comments »

6 Responses to “Question: Coming out”

  1. Anonymous

    Depends, is it their extended family or immediate family?

    I often think from the perspective of the cisperson (being mostly cis and slightly Genderqueer.)

    I would definitely tell my immediate family that my partner is trans. There are some extended ppl in my fam. I wouldn’t tell, and some I would.

    Of course, it depends on how you feel- if you don’t want people knowing, that’s perfectly fine, they don’t have to know what’s goin on in your pants/mind.


  2. Poet

    if you’re planning on being with your SO for a while, i would come out to their family (I did). Because you’re a big part of your SO’s life the family will be concerned with you–regardless of gender. Trust me, it’s better to be up front about it, even though it can be a bit difficult at times.


  3. Anonymous

    How important is it to you?


  4. Anonymous

    Depends entirely. Do you feel safe with them? Do you WANT to tell them? If yes to both, then do so. Are you genderqueer and genderfluid, and is it important to you, and do you want them to know? If yes, tell them.

    Are you not presenting as your true gender yet? If you trust them, it might be good to tell them; they could be a good source of support.

    Are you already presenting as your target gender? Do you not feel safe, or do you just not have any particular interest in telling them? Then don’t. Always remember, you don’t HAVE to tell ANYONE. Your gender is your gender, and my motto is, if someone isn’t having sex with me, they don’t NEED to know the past or present state of my genitalia.

    And always, always remember: You don’t have to tell anyone if you feel unsafe. You are not obligated to tell people whether you used to have, or still have, a penis or a vagina.


  5. Lane

    One thing I think about is that when you are a closeted trans person, its hard to really talk about your experiences growing up, which are things that the family of your significant other would be interested in. Honesty is part of intimacy, so if the relationship is long term and/or serious, and their family is close to them, being closeted does have consequences. Also, I have found that many people respond much better to knowing someone is transgendered than you would expect.

    That said, you don’t have to be honest about every little detail of your life. Privacy is also a part of intimacy, and if you feel that being transgendered or having a trans history is private, its not dishonest to keep it private.


  6. C

    depends on what you want and who they are. You want to be left alone by your in-laws and they’re born again christians? come out.


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