Question: How weird is it not to care about fashion?
Dar asks…
I see genderqueer people focusing a lot on clothing, make-up and style. But I’m not like that. I don’t care about how I look or what I wear – I dress entirely for comfort. Buzz cut, sports bra, polo shirt, plain black pants… How common are people like me?
Please post your response in the comments below.
» Ask Genderfork «
Posted by Alice on September 24th, 2011 at 04:00 pm
Category: questions 16 comments »
September 24th, 2011 at 4:33 pm |
I’m a bit like that. Sometimes my look is important to me, generally when I’m lacking a bit of confidence and need to externalise my identity somewhat to help me feel secure. But other times it’s like I know who I am without having to check.
That’s not to suggest people who are into thinking about their appearance more are insecure, far from it! Just that they’re into that.
Also, it may look like genderqueer people spend a lot of time on those things because they can present some of the biggest practical difficulties or most frequent negative reactions from others. Maybe it’s just a common starting point for conversations amongst ourselves.
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September 24th, 2011 at 5:39 pm |
I really don’t care about fashion. Jeans and a t-shirt is my usual look. My friends took me out to buy a few more dapper things for nice occasions and I like them, but mostly I just throw on whatever’s clean and head off to class. Sometimes I feel the need to dress to my identity, but most of the time I don’t.
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September 24th, 2011 at 6:16 pm |
I really don’t care either, I just throw something on that matches.
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September 24th, 2011 at 6:35 pm |
Thank you so much for asking this question. I do not have any interest in fashion and I don’t follow fashion trends. But, lately I have wanted to buy a few pieces that are a bit more fashionable. Problem is, I don’t have very many options to choose from. My style is androgynous but I have a plus-size, very curvy female body.
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September 24th, 2011 at 10:38 pm |
This wouldn’t be the same buzz-cut-adorned “Dar” who owns a webcomic now would it? Because I for one would be deeply honoured to welcome you to this community (I would be if you weren’t too).
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Alex replied:
October 2nd, 2011 at 1:37 am
As far as I know, Erika Moen (the owner of DAR!) is cisgender, though she does identify as queer in her sexuality. Also, DAR! ended a year or so ago if I recall correctly.
tl;dr No, probably not. =P
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September 24th, 2011 at 11:57 pm |
I am only bothered about clothes because I spend half my time in stuff that puts me in the closet: for work, for other occasions etc, when ableto wear my own stuff my only real care about clothes is that I get t-shirts with awesome things on and trousers or jeans that don’t fall down! :) Then it isn’t about presenting a front but just wearing groovy t-shirts ‘cos I like ’em.
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September 25th, 2011 at 11:39 am |
For me some of my interest in clothing (the part that’s not my inner fashionista showing himself) is associated with a desire for others to perceive my gender-variance. I’m kind of shy about bringing up things like which pronouns I prefer, and so I often use factors in my attire to elicit questions that will lead me into being able to explain myself…if that makes any sense
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September 25th, 2011 at 10:11 pm |
omg, all that`s said here reminds me of someone I get to know better theses days – me. I am trying to come over the senseless shame right now, that I still feel about my female body in “obvious wrong” male clothing.
But it gets better everytime I order new men`s shirts from the men`s section of an onlineshop and wear them. It is a way to express the ambiguity without having to talk much. And that is what I want and with every time I dress more masculine the shame disappears a bit more.
So, I think the interest in clothing is not only about fashion, but about expression, presenting your inner person. When your inner person happens to be a little fashionvictim and colourloving fag, so what….?!
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September 26th, 2011 at 4:03 am |
Pretty much what Jimmy said! Jeans and t-shirts, pretty much all the time. I do dress up a bit dapper now and again, and I have a bit of an obsession with sweaters, but other than that…! While I’m a bit interested in personal style, fashion itself holds almost no enthrallment for me.
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September 26th, 2011 at 2:02 pm |
Honestly, if you don’t care how you look when going out, there’s something you’re doing right as far as pushing the boundaries of gender more towards male or gender neutral. When I was living as a boy with no thought towards my latent gender expression – and thus fashion – I too just threw on whatever was in the drawer and went out the door. More of the men I know do this than not. I, however, didn’t enjoy that feeling. I much prefer the place I am at now where I care how I look and dress. Pushing the lines more towards feminine from my baseline masculine seems to have an inherent need of accessory and style and effort. It’s part of what our culture sees as beautiful and feminine, and beautiful is what I aim to be.
I think perhaps there is also a cultural factor regarding whether you are born male or female bodied. Women have been enjoying the ability in modern western civilization to dress across gender lines longer than men have (even if it hasn’t even been quite a century yet). A girl in sloppy jeans and t-shirt has been acceptable for decades, whereas I get some of the nastiest looks even in our progressive age dressing with my beauty flag flying. Women have fought longer and harder and you get to stand on those giantesses’ shoulders when it comes to comfort. It is now time for those of us on the other side of the spectrum to take up our arms so we can enjoy the same comforts.
We all have different reasons and priorities for our gender expression. Some do so to be comfortable with ourselves, some to be comfortable around others, and many are probably like you who do it just for… comfort. I know that I very quickly learned to not care what strangers thought of me while being comfortable with myself. Nothing feels more thug and baller than cruising down the street feelin’ pretty, flashing a smile in the direction of every hater’s icy stare. I dream of a time when my sundresses are as nonabrasive to the populaces’ eyes as your buzzcut.
And to answer your question, while I do care how I look, I also refuse to suffer for fashion. Comfort is priority one when making my wardrobe choices, and I have given up the opportunity for some wonderful pieces simply because there would be no way I spend an entire day encased in them just for vanity’s sake. It’s probably why I have yet to find cute shoes for my size 13½ feet :p
(and yes, I made a lot of generalizations about gender in this post. I didn’t want to have to add a disclaimer about how division of the sexes is a construct to every point I made. I think most of us are on the same page as far understanding stereotypes and styles go)
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InfinitySquared replied:
September 30th, 2011 at 10:06 pm
I really appreciate this perspective. I sometimes have the same issue–“Shouldn’t I be trying harder, fashion-wise?”–and you are very right when you say that it’s easier to wear a buzz cut than a sundress. I hadn’t really thought of it that way before, but once I did it was pretty obvious that there is this very annoying double-standard. It makes me a bit mad, honestly, because of the inequality. There’s very little clothing absolutely limited to males now–but the dress is still jealously guarded by females.
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September 26th, 2011 at 8:40 pm |
What’s inside me doesn’t always match what is on the outside of me and if the general public cares that’s their issue. Is it not?
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September 29th, 2011 at 7:31 pm |
I’ve honestly wanted to ask this for awhile. I really love Genderfork, but I almost want a complementary blog full of “ordinary”-looking GQs. But the huge number of replies here is very reassuring!
Every morning is usually jeans and a T-shirt for me. Some days I decide I want to feel cute (“It’s time for tight jeans, dammit!”), so I try to be a little more coordinated. And some days I just want to wear a comfy ragged hoodie. Sometimes I hold back because I think people would look askance at me, but other than that, I just dress according to my mood.
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Alex replied:
October 1st, 2011 at 4:00 am
Ditto to absolutely everything you said! :D
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October 26th, 2011 at 11:42 am |
move to berkeley, ca. Go to the Whole Foods in Oakland, Ca. Just come to the bay, you’ll like it.
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