Raise this new person on my own.
Someone wrote…
I feel like my parents won’t accept me until I prove that it is the right choice. I feel like I have to be the parent and the kid, and raise this new person on my own.
What’s your experience?
Posted by julian on February 26th, 2011 at 08:00 am
Category: your voice 6 comments »
February 26th, 2011 at 8:21 am |
It’s a sad comparison to make, but I’ve heard similar statements from friends of mine who’ve grown up in households of alcoholism or other addictions. The point I want to make there is a simple: taking care of yourself can be done if needs be, and you have the strength to do it.
I went through something similar in my youth. Once I discovered I could take care of myself, I decided not to bother. But that doesn’t work for everyone. That’s something you need to decide for yourself, and then act on accordingly.
But the overarching point I also want to make here is that you have a responsibility to talk to your parents about this if you feel it’s crucial. They have a right to know these feelings, and honest, open communication is probably the only way they’ll change.
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Anonymous replied:
February 26th, 2011 at 11:10 am
Know just what you mean…I’d add here that even if you really disagree with how they are acting toward you, it is still only fair and wise to at least listen to your parental-units…They did bring you into this world, after all. Not that you have to go along with what they say, or agree with it at all…
Also, being your own parent can be very fulfilling, even if it sucks. You can be to yourself everything you wish your parents would be to you. You can also listen to yourself and love and forgive and encourage yourself in ways that parents can’t exactly, because you have a direct line to your heart. I think this is just a freeing part of being your own person. Have strength and best of luck :)
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February 26th, 2011 at 9:15 am |
I feel the same way right now. My parents have effectively cut me off financially, and their idea of emotional support is “we still love you but we think you’re making a huge mistake and we refuse to support it even indirectly.” Not that I mean to bash them… but yeah, I’m raising myself now too. I’m old enough that its not unreasonable for me to leave the nest anyways, but I still feel really young. Its pretty scary.
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February 26th, 2011 at 10:05 am |
Finding a way to express yourself that isn’t asking too much from other people can be hard when you feel like you deserve acceptance. Tolerance, yes, we all deserve tolerance. But acceptance is earned, and it can be difficult to learn that when we’re rebelling against others’ expectations, whether they be right or wrong.
At one time, you were their child, the person they knew and accepted, then you changed, and it takes effort on both sides to reach acceptance again. But it is a skill (learning how to express yourself in the best way) that everyone has to learn in order to be well-received, disregarding gender identity altogether.
(And I’m not just saying that you should overall “Tone it down”, but to make it an expression that truly works for you. It’s similar to clothing, a shirt in one size will not fit all, and the same look will not work for everyone. But there’s no shame in picking up another shirt. A lot of time and consideration goes into expressing yourself accurately, and in a way that works for you.)
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February 26th, 2011 at 1:23 pm |
Sometimes your ‘chosen family’ of friends is there to be the support and family your birth family just can’t be. If you don’t have a chosen family, find one! Their support makes all the difference.
I have only recently found my ‘chosen family’, but my niece, a bi at age 17, has already figured it out and her chosen family gives her the support her birth family just can’t. At age 39, I am soo impressed at her emotional maturity for her age… I was nowhere near where she is when I was her age.
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February 27th, 2011 at 10:21 pm |
I get ya mate. It isn’t a resentful feeling, it’s more of a sad feeling. Cause you can see what you want to be, but they can’t.
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