A letter to you

Matt on the topic: “What advice would you give to someone just starting out on their gender journey?”

Posted by on December 14th, 2012 at 08:00 am

Category: video 4 comments »

4 Responses to “A letter to you”

  1. Kylie

    Deaf here, please tell me what this says.


  2. tigr

    Here’s my transcript of the first half:

    Hey Genderqueer Chat, it’s Matt, and this week’s topic is Helping Others. So what advice would you give to someone just starting out on their gender journey? What lessons have you learnt along the way that would be of benefit to a brand new genderqueer, or what do you wish someone had told you? So i’ve structured this one in the form of a letter, which I’m about to read.

    So, Dear brand new genderqueer, first off I want you to know that everything’s going to be be okay. You are you and that is all you ever need to be. The journey that you’re about to embark on is normal. It is okay to question gender, it is okay to go against the grain, it’s okay to express yourself and challenge yourself and be yourself. All the feelings you have experienced, are experiencing, and likely will experience are all normal, natural, wonderful parts of being human and finding your place in the world. You are not a freak, or a weirdo, or a deviant, or a bad person, unless that’s what you want to be.

    Sometimes it’s gonna be hard. Questioning gender is a big deal. But be gentle on yourself, allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, experience what you need to experience, and explore yourself as truthfully and as openly as you can. Try not to be too hard on yourself, again, this is a normal, natural, wonderful part of you. And while it might seem overwhelming at times, keep in mind, it’s just one part of you. Your gender is just one facet of the complex set of influences and identities that make you the individual, beautiful person that you are. Be kind to yourself, learn to lighten up and take the time to step back out of your gender head and do something else that inspires you.

    Don’t let anyone tell you what you can and cannot be; if you found the word genderqueer, and it feels like a good fit for you, then it likely is. There is no one way to be genderqueer. There is no definitive genderqueer persona that you need to aspire to. No look, no style, no rules, no judgement. Genderqueer is just an idea, and like all ideas it is yours to play with, explore, and define, if that is of use to you. Let yourself be inspired by others, or learn from others, but find out what is right for you. Like a writer, you first need to learn the words. Questioning gender can be like learning a brand new language. You read other people’s stories, you learn from the experience of other writers, but at the end of the day, what you put on the page will be your narrative, your story, your genderqueer, you.

    This is up to 2:15, if anyone else would like to pick up from there! (Or I might get around to transcribe the rest tomorrow.)


  3. tigr

    Transcript of the second half:

    Also, remember that these things are rarely set in stone. Allow yourself to acknowledge that your story may change over time, that your coming to terms with an identity can be a fluid experience and there may be many terms and ideas which you may associate with or gravitate towards or move away from. Change is good. Be flexible. Allow yourself to go wherever your journey takes you and be prepared to make many revisions to your story. It’s a good thing.

    Finally, if things get really tough, don’t be afraid to ask for help. If there are other things in your life that are making coming to terms with your gender identity difficult or if you are feeling overwhelmed, or isolated, suicidal, or scared, reach out. Reach out to someone. Even if you think that noone will understand, there is always someone there who’ll be willing to lend a hand. Some people may even surprise you. It might be your journey, but you don’t need to do it alone. Again, be gentle with yourself. Only share with others what you feel you need to share or feel comfortable with. But know that people are there. Family, friends, teachers, counsellors, medical practicioners, online communities, whatever you have in your area to access [or be it] online.

    Couldn’t understand the bit in square brackets at the end…

    Hope this helps. ^_^


  4. Kylie

    thx tgir!


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