A life not alone

Someone wrote…

I have always felt between two genders, not quite a girl and not quite a boy. As someone who is middle-aged this has deeply affected my personality and self-esteem. It is wonderful to see young people today embracing who they are. I wish the internet had been around when I was of that age. Oh how different my life may have been knowing that I was not alone.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on December 25th, 2012 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 10 comments »

10 Responses to “A life not alone”

  1. Wiley

    Well…from a young person’s perspective, thanks for sharing! There are always if’s, but with what we have now, it’s great to hear from people who feel similarly and are a little further along the path. I love seeing older stories of gender nonconformity being shared and explored in the newer online communities. It makes me also feel less alone, and I think it strengthens our community.


  2. Anonymous

    I am with you!


  3. Hodge Podge

    I would be a completely different person if it wasn’t for the internet, and I’m very thankful for it (though I do regret spending so much time on 4chan with such horrible people when I was 18ish). In a couple of decades time when our generation start getting elected, the world will notice it’s effect.

    I don’t know your situation, but there are accepting people of all ages out there. Try to surround yourself with them.


  4. Anonymous

    Have noticed that some queer groups are not tolerant of others. Shame


  5. Anonymous

    I know it!

    I’m 36, and when I was in high school (early 90’s), I knew there was something different about me, but I didn’t know what it was. I grew up in a small, conservative town, and “genderqueer” was a word I’d never heard.

    I’m really grateful for the Internet as a resource for connecting to people like me. And I’m even more grateful that young people have it available, so they don’t have to grow up as confused and ashamed as I was.


  6. Anonymous

    At one point, I would have done anything to be a girl. I had all of the feelings and emotions. I was very neutral on the boy sports, etc. I hid my feelings but others could see through. The hatred and inability to live a normal life was overwhelming. The biggest disappointment came from the gay community.


  7. VPT

    I also grew up pre-internet and tried different LGBT identities and communities over the years, but didn’t fit into any I could find out about. By age 28 (late 90s) I concluded I was ‘not gay/queer enough, not trans enough and not active enough (in relationships or appearance)’ to be counted. So I just focused on other interests and identities in life for a *long* time.

    I first heard the word ‘genderqueer’ aged 36 and felt it was late in life to discover that the range of feelings about gender I had distinctly had since age 11 were recognised and shared by others.

    So I’m really glad to be here, that younger people can find their own identity earlier and not feel like they are a failed/broken version of more traditional identities like I did. Until recently I felt like ‘not gay/trans enough’ was where I was condemned to stay for life. Now I am more hopeful of progressing with this part of my life, in myself, and also connecting to others.

    (A complication is I’ve recently met a group of people via other interests, many of whom are also queer, but reading other genderqueer people’s experiences online has made me hold back from saying anything, especially as I’ve drifted away from the more genderqueer appearance I used to have!)


  8. Anonymous

    Even as a little kid in the late 1940’s and early 1950’s I knew I was different but at that time deviation was downright dangerous to your health and well being. So I suppressed my girl side and forced her into a cage and there she survived for almost 60 years. I recently gave up on getting rid of her and instead embraced her. My life changed – within a half hour of acceptance and I haven’t looked back once. I am now happier, more content, and feel more complete than I have ever felt before. Still, being co-gender and gender fluid is a challenge. My identities are so intricately intertwined separation is impossible. I like the male side and the female side equally and they now complement each other in wonderful ways. My wife of 43 years has even been starting to accept that she now not only has a husband but a new live-in girlfriend that has good taste – she sometimes wears my clothes that express my twin sister and her girlfriend. Our lives are becoming richer and more passionate and much happier now that the twin-sister has been freed from bondage and able to develop her own identity.

    If you have another side that is hidden and caged I recommend you consider freeing them and thus allow yourself to be who you really are. It took me 67 years. It is never too late but it also never too early.


  9. Anonymous

    I am still waiting for the day that I can shave my legs, paint my toes and go out with my lover and not be a disgrace to others! I hate the violence. It seems so simple, if I can accept who I am why can’t others?


  10. davidbare

    Hi Anon… just a chuckle and a giggle too… entirely DITTO all you wrote born 1944 took me 68 years… isnt it fabulous now to find all these lovely people coming into the open… – I’m on FB.. davidbare… say hello… both of you. xoxoxo


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