Change
Someone wrote…
It felt so great to bit a little more open about being genderfluid, and to see so many people support me. But now I’m worried that one day I’ll somehow change my mind, and go back to being a girl all the time, and they’ll judge me for making a big deal out of something that wasn’t true. Even though no one has been shocked or critical, I’m still scared.
What’s your experience?
Posted by Freiya on December 9th, 2012 at 08:00 am
Category: your voice 4 comments »
December 9th, 2012 at 10:21 am |
It does feel good to be honest about who you are after hiding for so long. I know I’m still shocked at at how good it feels. But you know what? If you ever decide to present as female all the time it’ll feel just as good to be honest about who you are then as it does now. I had the exact same fear you’re talking about, and it actually came to pass.
When I accepted that I’m trans/queer I came out to a lot of people as a transwoman, told them how long I’d felt this way and how I wanted to transition to female and everything ASAP. But after experimenting and learning more about myself that’s just not who I really am. I’m an androgyne, I’m third gender, and I’m proud of it.
I’ve had to go back and explain the difference to most of those people. That worried me at first, but the people who were accepting and supportive of me still are today. Be yourself, and remember that your self changes as you go through life.
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December 10th, 2012 at 8:13 am |
And if you do go back to being a girl all the time ? That doesn’t make it ‘false’ when your gender was more fluid.
I mean, when you think of someone who’s bisexual (or pan…) and they settle down with a partner — then they’d still be bi/pan; that doesn’t make them become gay or straight. And also, it doesn’t mean they were ‘confused’ before they found their long-term partner, they were still bi/pan back then…
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December 12th, 2012 at 4:39 am |
All you should worry about, is being who you are. Those that love you will follow you where ever you go. Those who do not will miss out on knowing such a beautiful person.
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December 15th, 2012 at 7:45 am |
This comment resonates with me completely. I am not at all “out” and this is why. I don’t want to damage “the cause” when people point at me and say “see, it’s just a phase.” And no one understands “genderqueer.” I’m almost 30 and the only people I have come out to are my ex-spouse, my current primary partner and my very very best friend (who is a LGBT-specialist therapist, no less) …and if they can’t “get it,” how can I hope to live openly among everyone else. I guess I just have a lot of “self-work” to do. Anyway, just wanted to share that I feel the same way…strength and love to the OP and anyone else facing these conflicting feelings.
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