Clothes & Make-up

Someone wrote…

I’m questioning my identity right now. I’m biologically female but I’d be more comfortable in a male body. Here’s the problem, I don’t see clothes and make-up as “gendered.” I’d like a male body but I’d still like to wear make-up and skirts. I feel like I’m neither gender, or a third gender. Does anyone else feel this way? I cant seem to find all that many people like this. When I look up what it takes to get surgery, hormone treatments and therapy they really do reinforce gender roles, I don’t want that. I want a male body, but I’d like to be androgynous and wear make-up sometimes too.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on November 19th, 2012 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 8 comments »

8 Responses to “Clothes & Make-up”

  1. Hanna

    I was born male and have since transitioned. I identify as queer and have a quite androgynous appearance. During the process I found the requirement to present femininely very frustrating but found ways to work around it, giving them what they wanted whenever I had to but otherwise lived my life as I wanted. Today I am very happy with my body and the way I look! :) Good luck with everything.


  2. Lane

    I know plenty of people just like you. If you really feel like surgery or hormones would make you more comfortable in your body, go for it. If Johnny Weir and Adam Lambert can be men and wear makeup, why can’t trans men? My therapist knew that I identify as gay and have some feminine traits, and she didn’t hesitate to write my letter for T. That isn’t true for everyone, but more and more therapists are starting to understand that gender is a lot more complex than masculine men and feminine women.


  3. Max

    I agree. It’s true, gender is not this black and white thing by any means. People are a wide spectrum of variations! I understand completely because I don’t necessarily see the ‘gender lines’ the way others do. Everything blurs for me…and I have a hard time understanding how it can be so rigid for others.


  4. Anonymous

    So much yes. It’s like you just said everything in my head. I want to grow facial hair and be muscular and boy-shaped, but still want to wear nail polish and lip gloss. So, yeah, you are not alone.


  5. Rhia

    I know what you mean, I’m actually headed the other direction, I was born male but have transitioned, but I refuse to give up my flannel and I rarely wear make up. My husband was born female and just kind of exists in the middle now but his therapist was very supportive of his desire want to be male but still wear skirts and make up, and hearing this it made me more comfortable with my desire to live somewhere in the middle. A few helpful links for you first check out Midwest Gender Queer, he’s got a blog on the web and a page on Facebook; since I have no idea where you live this may not be as helpful but you might consider calling University of Minnesota Twin Cities’ Program on Human Sexuality (PHS) and ask for their therapist Walter, he may know of genderqueer/bi-gendered/non-gendered friendly therapists near you. Finally if you are in a space/time when you want to be masculine and wear a skirt and not catch flack, check out, you can call it a skirt but if people hassle you just tell them its a kilt. Hope some of this helps.


  6. Cat

    I know the feeling, too. I identify as agender, but I would like people who don’t understand the trans community to see me as male, because most people have a hard time wrapping their heads around the whole genderqueer thing. I like wearing bracelets and pink sometimes, and I really want to experiment with more traditionally “feminine” styles, while still keeping my identity.
    It’s a long road ahead, though, I’m sure of that.


  7. Cat

    PS. But it’s worth it!


  8. K

    I’m third-gender, assigned female at birth, and I’ve been on hormones for over half a year now. My friends and family use male pronouns for me, and I pass as male sometimes in public settings, although I never try. I wear fancy makeup, skinny jeans, lace, velvet, nail polish, facial hair, whatever I want, and it usually ends up looking pretty androgynous-feminine. The therapist that wrote my letter for hormones didn’t quite understand that I wasn’t a guy, but he was amenable to the whole process and I didn’t have to see him again once I got my prescription. The doctor who manages my dose thinks my relationship with gender is interesting and never gives me trouble. Before, I used to worry so much that being feminine and transitioning would be incompatible, and that I wouldn’t be able to get medical support without trying to act more “binary” and traditional, but I’ve encountered a lot less trouble than I thought I would, and my dysphoria is worlds better now — almost gender euphoria, haha. Go with your heart and you won’t regret it! You might run into a few assholes, but there are good people and good doctors out there who will get it. And, as I’m learning more each day, people like us are definitely, definitely not alone.


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