Figuring out

Someone wrote…

I identify as gender non-conforming, and I’m trying to figure out if I’m a trans guy. I feel way more comfortable in “male” clothing, and I like it when strangers call me sir/male identify me, but I’m not sure and don’t really know where to turn. Does anyone have any advice/stories/experiences they think could help?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on August 17th, 2012 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 6 comments »

6 Responses to “Figuring out”

  1. Meg

    I know how you feel. I was going through the same confusion at one point myself. What I like to identify as now is being genderqueer. Once I discovered that I can use whatever pronouns I want, dress however I want, act how I want, etc… I decided not to transition or take testosterone. I liked that middle ground of being queer with my gender performance and being “neither and both at the same time” instead of fully transitioning to fit into one category. I found a lot of comfort in this and I am now really content with myself and being genderqueer.

    I hope this helps! :)



  2. Aubri

    This is very much where I am. I identify as neither man nor woman but feel most comfortable being ID’d as a guy in public. I dress in male clothes, have very short hair, and don’t like female pronouns. On the other hand, I prefer singular-they for pronouns from people I care about because it best reflects what’s inside (neither/nor). I began taking T a few weeks ago and it feels right. I’m going to legally change my name to an androgynous/unisex name soon. I identify as genderqueer and transmasculine but not a trans man. For me, it took many months of soul searching to determine all that. Best of luck on your journey!


  3. chance

    all i can offer you is validation and support. i don’t have concrete answers.

    i think being honest about feeling unsure of your next step is very brave. not everyone chooses to explore these complex thoughts about gender, and not everyone is willing to go against the norm in these ways.

    i like thinking about gender as a set of costumes to choose from. at this point i’m not sure which pieces fit, but it’s fun to try new things on.

    and while grey areas can be frightening and unsettling, they can also open up a lot of exciting possibilities. in the end, i don’t think it really matters what/who other people think we look like. if we are honest about what makes us happy, then maybe we can find a balance that suits us. (pun intended)


  4. Anonymous

    I went through a similar thing a few months ago, and I came to the conclusion that I was a trans guy and wanted to transition. While I still stand by that, I did feel like I had to rush into deciding because of where I was in my life at the time. My recommendation is to give yourself time until you find what really feels right.
    I found that imagining hypothetical futures in which I did certain things and not others (eg, a future where I changed my name and a future where I didn’t) helped me out, because it helped me think of each “item” as a separate thing and helped me figure out what transitional things I wanted to do and what I didn’t.


  5. Loz

    I am in exactly the same position. I think I’m settled on genderqueer, it seems to fit me best – I am equally happy being ‘he’ or ‘she’-ed and in terms of clothing I’ll happily wear both, or a mixture of the two (mens trousers don’t, and will never, fit me) and I’m happy to stay this way. Things annoy me about being physically female and I would change a lot (nay, most) of them but I’m not willing to transition.


  6. Anonymous

    I have the same issue. I identified as gender-neutral for a while, but when I went to a trans* event and had people calling me gender-neutral pronouns I found I didn’t like it. I wanted them to use male pronouns. I’ve felt for a while that my identity was more towards the masculine end of the spectrum.
    I’m going to try it out, just like I did for gender-neutral. See how it feels.


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