I am terrified. I live in constant fear of my own gender, and this isn’t how I want to live. I’ve pretty recently come out as trans to my entire extended family, and changed my name officially. But now I notice tendencies in myself that are more like the girl I used to be, not the boy I am. I think of myself as an old lady in the future, my children calling me ‘mum’.
I am now facing the fact that my gender might be completely fluid and that I might have to ‘detransition’ socially, something that provokes emotions strong enough to make me want to throw up. At the same time, I feel the familiar feelings of body dysphoria mixed in with all this. My confusion knows no bounds.
What’s your experience?