Question: Parents & pronouns

Bam asks…

I identify as female since that is what I have been doing my whole life, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to realize that it’s not quite what I want. I don’t want to push people to switch back and forth between male and female pronouns depending on how I feel, and I was wondering what alternatives or compromises I can make with others?

There is, also, the major issue of my parents. They have been very, very supportive of my sexuality. I came out to them as a lesbian years ago, and my parents have been nothing but happy for me. But whenever it comes to my gender, it’s a bit tricky. I predominantly dress as a male. I wear boxers, my pants sag occasionally, and I try to carry myself male. My mother hates it. She insists that I was born a girl and asks me with concern in her voice if I think I’m a man.

How would I go about explaining this to them lightly and in a way they can understand? Even if my parents are understanding, accepting people, the gender thing seems to freak my mother out.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on May 3rd, 2012 at 08:00 am

Category: questions 4 comments »

4 Responses to “Question: Parents & pronouns”

  1. Another Nameless Face

    I like your post because I’m in relatively the same boat. I would wake up one day a guy, and the next a girl. I’ve learned to accept that maybe I’ll never truly understand what gender I am. What I would suggest, and believe me I’m no therapist, would be to get more information(about gender identity, ftm, or what have you),sit down with your parents, and just talk. My mum would usually avoid the conversation when I talked to her about it, but I’ve never actually sat down with her. I know how controlling and misunderstanding parents can be(I grew up with a Christian father and a working mother). They love you, and that’s most likely why they don’t like what you’re doing. It’s hard for them to grasp that their little boy or girl isn’t that way anymore because now you’ve developed a mind of your own. I hope this helped.


  2. Aubri

    For pronouns, an alternative that may work for you is singular-they (they/their). It’s often easier for people to adjust to than gender-neutral pronouns, though those are nice too. Hope this helps a bit. Luck to you with your family.


  3. Jesse

    Could you accept what your mother says on the grounds of biology, but then deny that there is any validity to the idea that a woman is, does, acts, presents as this, or that a man is, does, acts or presents as that? She’d probably be right behind you being true to yourself, if only you could leave all the labels behind.


  4. Anonymous

    Explain how there are more than 2 genders. Research it more for yourself and you will be able to confidential expalin it to her.


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