Question: Relationships and dysphoria

Anonymous asks…

Is it possible to have a physical relationship while battling dysphoria with one’s own body? I’m worried that even if I find someone I like who doesn’t mind my body, my own fears and discomforts will get in the way.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on May 5th, 2012 at 08:00 am

Category: questions 10 comments »

10 Responses to “Question: Relationships and dysphoria”

  1. Mabe

    Yes you can have that relationship, just don’t look down. Enjoy the moment.


  2. Anonymous

    I am currently in a physical relationship with someone. My dysphoria sometimes does get in the way a little…but my partner and I just always try to remain willing to work on things and be patient and creative. It’s a little less simple maybe than other relationships…but it’s definitely do-able and, to me at least, worth it.


  3. Rob

    Absolutely. It can be hard at first – try to focus on who you’re with and focus on the things you enjoy. If the relationship is good enough, the dysphoria will fade away into the background eventually.

    It takes work, but it’s worth it.


  4. Andrea

    Yes, it is definitely possibile.

    For me is also definitely real with the man i love so much. It is exactly this sole, this need of closeness, and his respectfor me and how i feel, while loving me that makes the thing work while i wait for my srs.

    extra relationship i can function normally but the sole idea to have sex is overwhelming and emotionally negative, when i confront myself, my mental image to the reality. so for me today sex is with one and one only i love.

    It is love, the profound love i feel that let me break the physical barrier while i held onto the future srs and the promise tho be phisically whole.

    kisses, Andrea


  5. Brannen

    Yes, it is possible. I’m living proof of that. Just keep an open and honest relationship with the person you’re interested in, and that’s the most that you can do. If the person is good enough to listen to you, take what you say into consideration, and care for you and want to share themselves with you, then you’re good to go. I will admit, things can and probably will get hard, but if you have each other then that helps. =]


  6. Pip

    I have the same concerns and I have found someone that loves me unconditionally and loves my body the way it is, and has promised to love my body the way it will be, she just wants to be close to me. I have times where it is difficult to reconcile the intimacy, but I get to the other side because all that really matters to me is to be love and be loved, love is a powerful emotion and it can help you deal with your own fears and discomforts, or at least that is what I have found


  7. Anonymous

    I have the same worries. I am just praying I’ll find the right person that can love my queerness and be willing to be patient with me.


    J.D. replied:

    This. What Anonymous said.


  8. devotchka_scandal

    It is definitely possible and can be wonderful. The key is to communicate with your partner and let them communicate with you and ask questions. I (a cis-woman) dated a wonderful transguy, but he was at the beginning of transitioning and wasn’t really sure about his body himself. I tried to ask questions, but I think this ended up bothering him. In short, our communication system didn’t work so well, which made physical intimacy difficult in a relationship. I’m not sure there is a simple solution and in my case, both of us were probably at fault–me for taking too simplistic a view of gender/body dysphoria (I expected concrete answers and directions for what to do and possibly was not patient enough with his own struggles to figure things out) and him for writing me off as biased or changing the subject when I brought up subjects in our conversations that were affecting our physical relationship. but good luck! I know of a lot of awesome trans and genderqueer folks in loving relationships.


  9. Maximillian711

    I thought exactly the same, plus that noone would want me because I’m trans, and now I’m in a relationship that started pre-testosterone and is currently going strong (my partner even helps with my T sometimes) both emotionally and sexually, and there’s definitely a physical level to it. My advice? Make sure that the person you get with knows you have some issues, be up front in saying when you do/don’t like something they do and use your imagination, who’s to say what you actually have has to be what you see yourself having in your mind. When my partner touches me, I don’t look at where I’m being touched, I think about what it would look like based on what I imagine myself to be like in my head – it works wonders! Good luck.


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