I’m afraid that no one will ever be able to see me the way that I want, unless I take hormones. My face and body are too feminine to be seen as androgynous when I dress in masculine clothes, and I end up feeling disappointed about how I look and how people perceive me. So, I spend time meeting other’s expectations. I “play female,” and do it well. No one knows that I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. But if I transition, I’m afraid that my target audience, and my partner, will no longer find me sexually attractive. So I use what I have been handed, and pretend.
I wish I were as courageous as so many others.
What’s your experience?