Wish

Someone wrote…

If I dress the way I’m comfortable, I end up feeling uncomfortable anyway. I’m female-bodied and attracted to women, and every time I go out wearing masculine clothes I feel like I’m deliberately coming out to random people on the street. What’s worse, I feel like I’m being a stereotype and affirming people’s assumptions of what a lesbian looks like. I wish clothes came without implications.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on May 2nd, 2012 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 7 comments »

7 Responses to “Wish”

  1. Anonymous

    I am at the same point some days. It is so hard to dress the way you WANT but avoiding the stereotypes you do NOT want to present.
    Leads to feeling uncomfortable either way.
    But then again I think, just ignore the people. You have no influence on what they think anyway. Stop feeling guilty for dressing the way you want. That will make you strong and you can fight stereotypes better, when you are strong.
    Sounds easier than it is, but…why stick to this fucking shame and guilt? It leads us nowhere.

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  2. jeesz

    I felt the way you’re describing when I was a young lesbian coming out. I felt like I was just confirming all these flannel-wearing, softball-loving, masculine, hairy stereotypes & i felt super terrible about myself. i realized later that my horror or shame (like the person said above) was because i had bought into the idea that those things were BAD. the issue wasn’t that i was conforming to stereotypes–everyone does that–it’s that i had internalized the sentiment that being a dyke meant being ugly and laughable and negative.

    now i identify as queer which has been very helpful and empowering for me, thinking more about what that means & how i want to present myself in the world. it’s really key to remember that a lot of queerness has been pathologized by mainstream culture so if you’re feeling crappy about it, it’s probably because you’ve taken in those messages. it’s not you, it’s the world!

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  3. Jesse

    We are all trained from a very early age to accept the judgements of strangers on topics intimately connected to who we are. It is part of the social programming of humans. You have choices. You can accept the herd mentality or you can reject it. There will be consequences. Usually those consequences will be only about 1/10th as bad as your imagination made them seem before they happened.

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  4. Nick

    Look at it the other way around:
    Every time you go out you are challenging stereotypes about how women dress and challenging the idea that fitting a lesbian stereotype is a bad thing.
    Plus, by seeing you, people become more aware of the fact that people like you exist and all less likely to stare or make assumptions next time. Result: you are making it easier for the next female-bodied person who wants to dress like you.

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  5. Jolie

    THIS.

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  6. Jesse

    People assume I’m a 14 year old lesbian all the time. I’m a 20 year old bisexual transguy. So obviously who i am differs greatly from who people think I am.

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  7. Anonymous

    nearly thought i’d posted on this site before when i read this “wish”.
    i know how i took it to mean– it’s interesting how each person’s reply
    shows subtle differences of their own interpretation.
    i am so exhausted over being read as a teenage lesbian ever since
    i thought i must have been a [teenage] lesbian and still now at 32.
    lesbians are great, they are just as different/nice looking as anyone
    but this OP got me cos it sucks when you almost feel like you’re moving closer to getting it (comfort) only to get tossed in another direction completely. it’s not a ‘set back’ so much as a ‘set over there’.

    [Reply]


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