looking for

Claire wrote…

I like women, I mean in a relationship, sexual way, but I haven’t been with one since I transitioned. I have no problem hooking up with guys but that’s not really what I’m looking for.

I never had problems finding girlfriends when I was a man, so I did an experiment. I have an OkCupid account as Claire. Saturday I opened an account under my old boy name and put up a picture of me where I’m looking very butch, with the same profile as under the Claire account. I put it up as bi and was swamped by hits from both straight women and gay men.

Now I’m faced with the dilemma of which is more important to me; continuing my life as a woman or de-transitioning back to a guy and finding the love that I need.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on July 31st, 2013 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 5 comments »

5 Responses to “looking for”

  1. Anonymous

    Be patient. Be happy with yourself and you’ll attract someone with your confidence. Also try to realise that you don’t need to rely on someone else to make you happy. If you love yourself that’s all you need. Everything else is just a bonus. :)

    [Reply]

  2. Ander

    Awe, poor girl :( I’d have no problem dating a Trans woman. I think some lesbians feel threatened by the “equipment” and I guess I do, but sex isn’t everything and as long as I have a set of pretty little boobies and nice soft lips, I’d be happy.

    [Reply]

  3. Anonymous

    I’m kind of in an opposite situation…I look very much like my assigned gender…yet I’m genderqueer. I have no trouble attracting guys, (who are primarily the type of gender I am attracted to/interested in dating), but these folks never seem to see me for who I am. They just get hung up on my packaging, so to speak, and don’t look beyond that. I finally found someone a couple of years ago who was able to see me for who I am, and while we broke up about a year ago due to general life-goal differences, he still is being an encouraging friend to me as I now work on making my outside match my inside. Those people out there who can appreciate us for exactly who we are are few and far between, but they are totally worth the wait. Don’t give up :)

    [Reply]

  4. Anonymous

    Please look for someone who can accept you for who you are. De-transitioning to please or attract another person… that person shouldn’t be the one you want to be with. You deserve to find a woman who loves you as a woman. I’m FtM and gay and I’ve managed to find a beautiful (also gay, but cis) boy who loves me as a man; just be patient. Crazier things have happened.

    [Reply]

  5. Anonymous

    As someone passing as a man, I was never at a loss of romantic options. As someone transitioning to presenting as a woman, I too fear absolute loneliness. And so I ask myself the same question – fearing that the optimal course of action is to embrace the presentation I have 35 years of practice at.

    [Reply]


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