Projected Femininity

Someone wrote…

I don’t have a problem being seen as feminine; I have a problem being seen as JUST feminine.

A guy friend of mine recently told me that he thought of me as feminine because I laugh a lot, and use the phrase OMG, and am emotionally expressive.

I feel like he was trying to define me by only half of me.

I am giggly and emotionally expressive, yet at times I’ve also been guilty of male bravado (my obsession with heavy metal and machismo cock-rock bands comes to mind).

I do use the phrase “oh my god” a lot, but then again, I also use the word “dude” a lot.

I feel like, especially if you are female-bodied, androgyny gets interpreted as femininity.

I’ve had the negative experience of: If you have SOME feminine traits , you are considered feminine (by most straight guys), even if you have just as many masculine traits, or an equally strong masculine side.

I feel like straight cis guys see me as feminine just because that’s what they WANT to see.

I just wish there was somewhere where I could be seen as androgynous without the projected femininity.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on June 13th, 2013 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 3 comments »

3 Responses to “Projected Femininity”

  1. Ryan

    I have a lot of trouble with this one, too. My sex is male and my physical appearance is pretty masculine, and often cis women who are attracted to me see me solely as masculine. Sometimes they’ll ascribe to me masculine characteristics that I don’t have, or criticize me if I do something too feminine. I had a female partner who would ask me to be more sexually aggressive, and I couldn’t nor did I want to. It’s just not who I am. It hurts to think that cis women are attracted only to my masculinity, and not to all of me.


  2. Boo

    I feel you folks on this, although I have a somewhat different experience. People usually see me and assume I’m female…but my androgyny just makes them assume I’m a tomboy…I hear people all the time trying to be accepting of my “masculinity,” when all I want to be seen as is feminine-but-not-female. It would be one thing if I were a tomboy, (though I don’t think that’s something which needs excuses…That is also a beautiful permutation of female), but I’m not, and I feel like I end up being seen as a “failed” gendered being, no matter what I’m seen as. I’m either not feminine enough to be a woman, or not masculine enough to be properly anything else. What a pity.


  3. Anonymous



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