Question: gender and sexuality

Avenginator asks…

Do you think sexuality is determined by sex or by gender? For example, I identify as physically female but as a guy.
I’m attracted to women, so does that make me gay or straight in your opinion? I’m just curious to know what others think.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on June 7th, 2013 at 08:00 am

Category: questions 8 comments »

8 Responses to “Question: gender and sexuality”

  1. kaberett

    If I get bored of defining my sexuality with reference to my gender, I tend to go for description of what I’m attracted to – so, for example, “gynaephilic” or “androphilic” or “queer” or “oh whatever I like people”. Depending on company and how frustrated I’m feeling!


  2. Girl with a Hoop

    Neither! I think “gay” and “straight” only apply to cis-gender folks. I am a nonbinary femme; beneath my pretty dress is an undeniably male body. I am attracted exclusively to females. Does that make me or my girlfriend lesbians? I don’t think so (neither does she). My girlfriend considers herself straight but I certainly would not consider myself straight. Technically, you could call me “gynaephilic”. I would never actually call myself that because it sounds like a clinical term. A lot of people might classify me as “queer” (just as they often classify me as “genderqueer”) but I honestly dislike the term. I know that many folks have rehabilitated it or appropriated it as a badge of pride but I detest it. In my mind it still retains all of the ugly connotations it had when I was young.

    At the end of the day, I simply refuse to classify myself. I love my girlfriend. She loves me. Nobody else really matters. If people push, I usually tell them that I classify myself as human and anything beyond that is none of their damned business.


  3. Alan

    If you’re looking for a label, then I would very strongly say that if you identify as male and like women, that would make you straight.


  4. Inge

    I agree with Alan, I’d say if someone is trans (and not genderqueer or anything), the gender they identify as would define whether they are straight or gay. But there’s such a big spectrum of both gender and sexuality that I feel like it’s up to anyone who they want to identify.


  5. Reed

    A a genderqueer transboy who’s only attracted to boys, I identify as gay.
    I think it’s up to you, really. If you want to use the word gay, use gay. If you want to use the word straight, use straight.
    For example, me and a female friend are going to a dance together next week. We had a discussion about whether, when we go, I’d be pretending to be straight or lesbian. We decided that it was a bit of both.
    In the end, it’s whatever word(s) you want to use to describe yourself.


  6. Wiley

    I think it’s up to the person…but in general, I go by gender identity and not “physical sex,” because while physical morphology is very much a real and important thing in many people’s lives, if we go just by people’s physical appearance–which usually means by whether their genitals look more like a penis or a vagina–we kind of all together erase trans* people…and to a certain degree, intersex people.


  7. Ryan

    Even though I have a male body, a more or less masculine physical presentation, and all of my past partners have been female, I still don’t like the terms “heterosexual” or “straight” because they invoke the gender binary and heteronormativity and ascribe to me a gender identity which is inaccurate. I will grudgingly use the terms in conversation to describe myself when it is necessary to indicate my sexuality succinctly to people who don’t understand my genderqueer identity. Personally, I think we should learn that every individual’s sexuality is unique to that individual. But since humans like labels, separating sexual preference, romantic preference, sexual identity, gender identity, and more can be helpful.


  8. Enigma

    I agree with Ryan and very similar being “mostly” male bodied with feminine characteristics. (Genderqueer in appearance.) Those that are stuck in binary definitions see me as a feminine male or a masculine woman. Even though all my partners are female (they tend to be genderqueer as well.) I’m married to a wonderful gender fluid woman for 16 years now. I don’t identify as straight or gay. I would say that my sexual orientation is queer.


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