Question: How to explain my pronoun change?

Eli asks…

I’ve decided I’d like to ask my friends to start using they/them as my pronouns, but I’m not entirely sure how to go about it.

I hate feeling like I have to explain myself all the time. I get the impression that whenever anything’s different people freak out and have to know WHY it’s not like they thought it would be, and sometimes life just IS.

How do I explain that to the people I interact with?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Posted by on June 20th, 2013 at 08:00 am

Category: questions 4 comments »

4 Responses to “Question: How to explain my pronoun change?”

  1. Anonymous

    Maybe get one close friend on board with you, then just start running with it? Or think of a one sentence explanation you can say to people if they ask…You can also fall back on “this is just what works for me right now,” if people push you and you feel like you can’t explain right then.


  2. Eli

    Thank you for the suggestion and the feedback. I’m slowly trying to muster the courage to tell someone, and I believe I’m getting close, but I’m just not quite there yet…Soon, soon I hope….


  3. Anonymous

    Confidence in your choice is the best thing you can have. Even if you’re not feeling confident since you can’t explain why, support yourself with the knowledge that you are doing what’s right for you. You don’t know why, but that’s okay; you don’t NEED to know why right away. If people ask you why, you can say, eeeeh I dunno, but with a smile on your face, because regardless, the change makes you happy. That’s all people REALLY need to know.


  4. Eli

    Thank you! I am certain that it makes me more comfortable, and I continue to notice more and more how off it feels to have female-associated words and identifiers assigned to me. I’ve just yet to find a way to explain myself in a way that satisfies my own curiosity. I’ve been using they/them with a new group of folks that I’ve been working with for the past month or so and it is amazing and I hope to bring that into all areas of my life and I continue to figure things out. I think what bothers me the most right now is being confronted with this need for concrete answers, and I just don’t have them….


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