Question: Transgender Newbee.

Jules asks…

I have recently come to accept that I’m Transgender. I was born female but I’ve never felt like a girl. I hate that the world sees and accepts me as female, because I know that is just not who I really am. I feel like I’m a fake and I don’t know what to do next… I am female but I identify as male.

I want to come out to a couple friends, but I’m scared out of my mind. I KNOW who I am and what makes me feel true to myself. I live in Orange County, Vermont and I don’t know of any support groups in my area. I feel like I’m alone and don’t know what to do next. I just want to reach out to people who understand and can help me find support.

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Posted by on September 6th, 2013 at 08:00 am

Category: questions 10 comments »

10 Responses to “Question: Transgender Newbee.”

  1. Tori

    First off, you’re not alone. There’s a million people on your side rooting for you, you just haven’t met us yet. EMail me if you want to chat!


  2. Alex

    You are not alone nor a fake! There are many great resources and communities online and I found a community center in VT, it’s not in Orange County, but maybe you could call them and see if they know of anything closer to you:

    Coming out to your friends can be tough, but people can also surprise you in a very good way. Do you have a good friend who you know is supportive of trans* people? Maybe you could test the waters by bringing up a general topic about trans* people/issues to gauge your friends’ responses.


  3. Anonymous

    One word of caution: make sure that you can take care of yourself before you come out to people you are financially dependent/otherwise dependent on…It’s just best to have a safety net. Probably everything will go fine, but there are a lot of homeless trans* youth. I’m not trying to scare you; it’s just best to ensure that you are well cared for. If no one else, this random internet person cares that you live and prosper, so take care!

    PS: one helpful thing might be to connect with some helpful trans* media which you relate to? I found that to help me.


    Lilly replied:

    Dont be me….i came out and had to find a job within a month and move out….im back with my dad thanks to my brother but at 17 with 3 months left til im 18….I could have waited….fiscal is a maijor issue with trans so unless ur family is supportive….I’d determine if its worth waiting or not.


    Lilly replied:

    Also…im transfemlale


  4. Anonymous

    Also, sorry…I didn’t mean to above assume you are young…I just associated newbie with youth. That is by no way always the case; there are many trans* folks who identify themselves as such when they are older.


  5. Callista

    Have you poked around the internet? It may not be as personal as a face-to-face support group, but you could surely meet other trans guys to talk things over with. The Internet has really been a godsend to people in relatively rare situations–me, I’m asexual/demi-panromantic and androgynous… on the Internet I’ve met other people who are a lot like me, people who don’t care about gender and don’t like sex but can fall in love with people, regardless of gender, with whom they have a longstanding friendship. That’s pretty specific, and if I can find people like that, I’m sure you can find people who share your experiences too!


  6. dahzi

    I’ve come out to family and friends in waves about my identity, not all at once. I’m not sure if that is normative, but do what you feel is right for you. Like “anonymous” said, make sure to be financially capable to be self sufficient if you’re living with friends or family. On the upside of it all, you may find that you open others’ minds about their own i.d. That’s how I started to understand mine over three years ago; I had a friend who was FAAB that identified as GQ.

    My partner is starting a support group for partners of genderqueers/gendervariants/trans/questioning to help her cope with my identity and how it aligns with hers. If you have Skype, maybe you could listen in on a session.


  7. Aubri

    If you have access to a car, maybe you could check out the Translating Identities Conference at UVM in Burlington in October. It’s a free, all day Saturday conference focused on trans* and gender non-conforming topics.


  8. Trevor

    Like everybody else said, you are most definitely not alone. I came out as “trans” when I was 18 and started testosterone shortly after my 19th birthday (I’m almost 26 now). Coming out to friends and family is definitely a scary feat, but you’d be surprised at how residual and accepting people can be..and those that are not accepting can change in time. One thing that I did when I came out to my family was have them sit down and watch the documentary series “Transgeneration” with me (it’s about 4 trans college students from different ethnic/social/cultural backgrounds that are all at different points in their transitions), to show them that they are not alone. It’s on Netflix if you have it. But now I’m just blabbering..just know that you are not alone, and try googling for other support groups in your area or online support groups. I’m sure there are tons out there. If ya need someone to talk to, you’re more than welcome to email me as well! :)


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