Start to live
Someone wrote…
Does my need to be seen as “not-a-woman”, the painful hunger for a flat chest and less hips and the feeling that I will punch the next person that calls me “she” and expects this role, right into the face, justify a real transition?
Anyone else who IS SURE but is held back by… something??? What is keeping me from getting happy and how do I get over it to start to live?
What’s your experience?
Posted by Freiya on February 15th, 2013 at 08:00 am
Category: your voice 6 comments »
February 15th, 2013 at 10:33 am |
Yes, your feelings do justify a transition. But it sounds like you have something else holding you back right now. Whatever that something else is, listen to it and try to understand it.
I hope you can start to live NOW instead of waiting for the physical changes you need. I know the frustration and rage you describe, but even if you could transition instantly to your ideal shape you’ll still have those emotions inside you. You’d just be an angry guy with a flat chest and smaller hips. And the world has enough angry guys already.
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February 15th, 2013 at 1:19 pm |
It’s my opinion that people need to think about what they’re doing or not doing and why and come to their own conclusions.
That being said, it sounds like you need to sound it out to someone or chat about it, and I hope that you can find someone, whether online or in ‘real’ life, or even just a mirror or a notebook to self-reflect. It sounds like you’re where I was a few years back. I ended up feeling absolutely awful because of it and it took me a while to work it out, but I’ve come a long way since then, and there’s no reason, whether you transition or not, that you, or anyone else feeling similarly, can’t work it out in your life too. Good luck and best. x
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February 16th, 2013 at 9:51 pm |
I struggled with this for years. It took years of watching YouTube videos and therapy. I asked myself, “What is holding me back?” And after realizing that my own fears and insecurities were the only things holding me back, I decided that I needed to go ahead with my transition. I knew that I would be happier and more comfortable if I took those steps.
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February 22nd, 2013 at 9:50 am |
Please define “real transition.” If your native physiology routinely results in people making the wrong assumption and referring to you with the wrong pronoun, can you really blame them? If it’s really a bush, but it is 40 feet tall, I’m going to call it a tree when I am giving you directions, or you’ll misidentify it and get lost.
Patients and tolerance go hand-in-hand with transition. You need to have it for yourself and for everyone else.
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E replied:
February 27th, 2013 at 9:24 am
Just because this person expressed the pain of being misgendered doesn’t mean automatically blaming other people. I find comparing this to bushes and trees to be ignorant and just another form of misgendering. Gender is not so simple and even when it comes to bushes and trees people might have different opinions. I for example have moved to a country where people call mountains what I would call small hills ;) lol. It’s a matter of perspective…
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March 25th, 2013 at 12:37 am |
Yes, your feelings are those that usually begin the transition. But I understand the uncertainty. When it was finally the day before my top surgery, I cried the whole day. I didn’t know if it would make me happy. Half of me wanted to cancel the whole surgery, and just be content with living as I lived before, just using a binder and suffering the small discomfort for the rest of my life.
But still, I had my top surgery done. After that, I have been sad at times, since I identify as a transgendered male who sometimes likes to dress up like a female. But overall I’m glad I went through with the surgery. I feel more like myself than ever, and I couldn’t be happier. Most of the people I don’t know think of me as a guy, who’d like to be female, and that is partly how I see myself. It beats the hell out of being seen as a cis female for me.
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