The Start
Someone wrote…
Last week I’ve started identifying myself as genderqueer, though it will take some more time for me to “come out” with my family and friends.
I’ve just realized that it took me almost my whole life to learn to listen to my “real self.”
Even as a kid, I didn’t understand how to behave, how I could possibly be and express myself – since I didn’t feel neither like a man, nor like a woman, I couldn’t pick any gender. I was stuck and gave myself up in order to survive.
Now I know I don’t have to choose if I don’t want to.
Although I’m sure I’ve made the right decision (if being the way you are can be seen as a decision), I’m ridiculously scared all the time. I’m scared of ending up losing the ones I love. I’m scared people won’t accept me or take me seriously. My partner knows what’s going on and has been incredibly understanding this whole time. Nevertheless, I’m terrified.
Shouldn’t finally getting to know yourself a little more liberating?
What’s your experience?
Category: your voice 4 comments »
April 26th, 2013 at 8:58 am |
Sounds as if you’re doing just fine to me…Try not to worry about something that may or may not happen…as you say you’re just being your “real self”…good luck! :D
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April 27th, 2013 at 2:22 am |
I am waiting for this liberating feeling too. I think it will take some time to get over it, that you were hiding your true self and to get over the shame and all those things you were taught until now. It is hard to wait, especially when you find out that your whole life has been like an endless loop of waiting for the right thing to happen. You want to start to live now and stop wasting more time waiting! Just be patient!
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April 27th, 2013 at 2:43 pm |
It should be, but unfortunately it’s not. That is sadly not the world we live in. While in some parts of the world, it’s not as much of an issue, for a lot of non-cis folks, simply existing and acknowledging that is a really hard thing to do. I feel you on this…It can be terrifying. It can also be very beautiful and liberating and fulfilling…Keep believing in yourself and living the best way you know how; you are valuable.
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April 30th, 2013 at 10:23 pm |
Go you! I have also recently started identifying as genderqueer more publicly. In my experience so far, it’s a mixed bag of reactions, but very much worth really owning my own identity. I hope it ends up being the same for you. Be gentle with yourself, and just feel whatever you’re feeling on this new journey.
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